


Ignored & Neglected (we do what we want)

by Love_someone_special



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Along the way, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Angst, But I hope you enjoy, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Female Friendship, Friendship, Horny Teenagers, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Male-Female Friendship, Marijuana, OBX, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Private School, Sex, Teenage Rebellion, Teenagers, Wilderness Survival, and, basically this whole thing is just me being unable to move on from outerbanks, it's great fun, no warnings other than the topics covered in the show, there's, with a lot of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:15:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24522955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_someone_special/pseuds/Love_someone_special
Summary: “Man, do you reckon these are those moments we’re gonna like, look back on in fifteen years, and be like, fuck, those were the good days?” Pope’s deep voice floats up into the air, just as John B nudges Kiara's side, passing the joint the full circle. She takes a full drag without sitting up, the night getting syrupy in front of her. The stars keep shifting in the sky.Au. Rivers College is the most elite boarding school in the country.JJ, Kiarra, John B, Pope And Sarah are just trying to steal a little freedom back from the school's strict rules. They get more than they bargained for.
Relationships: JJ/Kiara, JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks), Sarah Cameron & JJ & Kiara & Pope & John B. Routledge, Sarah Cameron/John B. Routledge
Comments: 261
Kudos: 424





	1. My heart is a chapel and you're burning it to the ground.

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya,
> 
> I'm back with something a little different. I watched the entirety of Outer Banks in one sitting, and I lost my mind a little bit.  
> The characters possessed me- I swear- and this came out.
> 
> It's going to be a wild ride- this first chapter is just the beginning. Think Tomorrow When the War Began meets Wild Child meets Outer Banks- it's going to be an emotional bungee jump.
> 
> I have my lovely friend George to thank- she made me snacks and a pillow fort and introduced me to my loves, John B and JJ.
> 
> I promise there will be more chapters to come.  
> For now, kick back, relax, and enjoy.
> 
> Also, my fic writing brain is fuelled by kudos and comments. Secret tip.
> 
> All my love,  
> L xx

It’s hot- it’s really fucking hot. John B has sweat dripping down the back of his light blue shirt, Pope’s nearly melted, and JJ has decided the sun cooking his outsides just isn't quite enough for him, and has a lit cigarette clinging to his bottom lip. It’s possibly the hottest day of the school semester, and it’s not helped by the fact they’re all lying on the branding-iron tin roof of the dingy school chapel.  
  
Kiara is flopped over the side of the roof, school shirt unbuttoned showing her black bra and olive skin, head close to tilting off the edge.  
  
“D’you reckon Golding knew what he was talking about?” Pope pipes up, holding a battered second-third-tenth-hand version of _Lord of the Flies_. “I personally don’t think we’d all just go feral if we were dropped on some island somewhere.”  
  
Kiara props her head up, squinting at him. The sun puts a haze around everyone. “I mean- yeah. Maybe not. I’d like to think humanity has improved since the British boarding schools of 1950.”  
  
John B smiles, amused, before he gestures around, particularly to JJ, who is crouched over a fresh cigarette, attempting to light it, his back resting against the crucifix on the chapel roof. Never mind the fact it’s a total fire ban day, thanks to a three-year-long drought. “I think you’re both missing the fact that we’re already feral.”  
  
It’s a tough point to argue against when surveying their group, and both Kiara and Pope laugh. “Guess the boarding school way of life really does change people.” Pope mutters, before going back to his book.  
  
It’s close to two in the afternoon – John B knows for a fact he has missed two classes – and he’ll pay for that tomorrow. He’s not sure if he’ll be forced to sleep in a tent for the night, or if it will be as simple as running the five kilometre track up the driveway and back before school. Either way, it doesn’t really matter. They’ll be caught as a group. They’ll all suffer together. Collective punishment and all that.  
  
John B tips his head back, looking up at the side of the mountain that towers over their school campus. Mount Rivers – the only mountain he knows of that has an elitist private boarding school cut into the valley of it. He’s contemplating just how many more days of school, before they’ll be free to wander the high country. It is a feral kind of life – the rural boarding school life. But it’s also a bloody good one. Classes for only half the week, three days’ worth of hiking every weekend – they are, essentially, given full reign to run feral, despite the school informing all of their parents once a term that they are all being kept on an extremely strict leash.  
  
“Kie, who are you hiking with this weekend?” He asks. That’s it, the shirt’s got to come off. He can’t deal with the stickiness of it anymore. While he waits for her to answer, he strips, balling the fabric up to perch on his head- the world’s worst sunhat.  
  
Kie sucks in a breath, and John B knows he’s hit on a sore topic. “There’s never any good girl’s hike groups cos they’re all _morons_. I’m stuck with Cameron, and a few of her friends. Like Lucy- I think Bella’s in the group too. It’s gonna be an absolute _party_.”   
  
He sympathises with Kiara. She doesn’t get as much joy out of this school as the boys do. The boys; JJ, Pope and himself, are never separated- they live in the same dorm; they hike in the same group – they sleep in the same tent on hikes. John B has barely had a second to himself since the school term started. He’s only partially complaining.  
  
But Kie – Kie isn’t allowed within a metre of them, theoretically. Rivers College, theoretically, has a one-metre rule when it comes to the opposite sex. Violating that rule gets you a driveway run - at six in the morning, before the sun's even up. And that’s just for a less than a metre’s proximity. Kie walks a hell of a tightrope spending time with them.   
  
For Kie, who has a near perfect academic record – and only male friends, that’s a pretty shit gig. Her academic record is definitely not going to survive this year, John B thinks to himself. Not unless she finds a way to put up with the girls in her dorm, and make actual friends with them which seems- unlikely.  
  
Kie is a scholarship girl, like JJ, like Pope, like him. They’re not used to the world of the rich, of the elite. They can rarely find things to talk about with them- and if they can, the other kids so rarely want to hear it. But- well. John B has the weed. And the rich kids need the weed – so they leave them be. But they’re not- liked, not really. They’re tolerated, and excluded wherever can be.  
  
It doesn’t bother them, though. It only really ever bothers Kiara, and if she wasn’t forced away from the boys, it wouldn’t bother her either.  
  
John B is pulled out of his mind when he hears the bell ring. In a practiced movement, he shoves his fingers in his ears, as do the others - the chapel bell, which singles the end of a period, is less than four metres directly below them. The sound reverberates so loudly that the bell ringer wears earmuffs when he does it.  
  
Sadly, the Pogues don’t have that luxury – mainly because they’re definitely not supposed to be up there. In his rush to cram his fingers in his ears, JJ drops his cigarette butt, and Kie watches as, still lit, it begins rolling down the side of the roof. Her dark hand darts out, catching the butt by the unlit end. She makes eye contact with JJ, glaring, and takes a slow drag before putting it out against the roof.  
  
“You’re going to set fire to the entire campus if you’re not careful- this entire place is a fucking tinder box right now.” She hisses it quietly, too scared to risk Headmaster Dickson hearing them.  
  
Headmaster Dickson, or Dicko, Dick, Big D, as they all call him when he’s not listening, always rings the chapel bell. Pope regularly states that Dicko gets paid three hundred thousand dollars a year and all he does is ring a bell (a not untrue point). The headmaster is a man in his early fifties, who is constantly and clearly disappointed with his life, a fact that tends to seep into his conduct as a headmaster.  
  
It would be more than a driveway run if Dicko caught them up here – it would be an internal suspension. External, if they found JJ’s cigarette. _Desecrating the one reminder of God in the Australian Bush_ \- that’s what they’d say. _Elitist Private School Kids Award Themselves Status Surpassing That of God Himself_ is what the papers would say, if they ever found out. _Sacrilege_ , is what Pope calls it.  
  
JJ, fingers still in his ears, nods solemnly at Kiara, placating her for just a second, before cracking up laughing. He’s always been very skilled at taking the piss and, in turn, pissing of Kie.  
  
The noise is too loud with Dicko likely still below them, and Kiara throws herself at JJ immediately, full body tackling him and slapping a hand over his mouth. They all freeze, barely daring to breathe for fear of alerting Dicko further.  
  
  
  
They stayed like that for what felt like an age, not daring to risk moving. Kiara began to realise she was pressed full body against JJ’s bare chest. She looks at him. She mouths _sorry_ and he just shrugs, lips still covered by her hand. She can feel his body tensed below her, and it surprises her to realise every muscle in her body is mirroring his tension.  
  
Finally JJ, receiving a nod of assent from John B, carefully wraps a hand around Kiara’s wrist and pries it off his mouth slowly.  
  
Kie takes the hint, and rolls sideways off him, peaking over the side of the roof. She can see Dicko, a frown on his face, turning to walk away. She breathes out, relieved.  
  
Pope shifts and tips his own head over the side of the roof next to Kiara, dangling. Before anyone can stop it, the copy of _The Lord of the Flies _begins to slide down the roof. The swish of the paper against tin makes John B whip his head up, but he’s too slow to reach out, and the book hits the stone path below the chapel with a smack.  
  
Kie stays over the edge just long enough to see Dicko’s head turn, alerted at the noise. They all take off. They bolt to the other side of the roof, the slant of it causing them to half run half slide to the edge, hand’s clasping the rim of the roof and dropping the few feet to the ground.  
  
  
  
As soon as John B’s legs hit the ground, he takes off running, with the rest of them close on his tail. He’s thinking, frantically, of where to go. Where can they go they won’t be found- or at least will blend in enough that it won’t be obvious they were the ones on the roof?  
  
It’s as he rounds the corner of the art building, feet kicking up red dust, thanks to the drought, that he notices the abandoned dorm on the top of the hill. It was once E Unit, never properly renovated, and eventually abandoned due to a dodgy gas line running through it. It would be the safest place for now. If it was like his dormitory- and they all were, every unit a replica of the one before it- it would have a gap between the ceiling and the roof, that they could climb up into if anyone even thought to check the abandon unit, which in itself seemed unlikely.  
  
“E.” John B calls behind him, throwing a brief glance over his shoulder to check that everyone was still following. Pope is the furthest behind, having been the last one to drop from the roof, but JJ’s right on his tail, and Kie is keeping up just behind him. He can’t see Dicko at all.  
  
They all show some level of recognition at his instruction, so John B shifts route, running straight up the hill.  
  
It’s moments like these John B wishes their campus hadn’t been built into the side of a mountain- it’s an absolute work out trying to get anywhere in a hurry. Not to mention how exposed it makes them. If any staff or student were to glance up right now, even to glance towards the top of the Mount River, or towards the chapel outline, they would see clearly outlined against the landscape all four of their figures, sprinting- a dead giveaway. __

____

____

He rounds the corner to E unit, slamming into the door. He jiggles the handle once or twice, only to realise his mistake. It’s locked- _of course_ it’s locked. Why would they not lock the door of an abandoned unit on a school campus full of rich feral teenagers? Just as John B’s turning to look for another way in, JJ rounds the corner and hits him full pelt. He stumbles backward, catching himself against the unmoving door.  
  
“Fucking hell JJ”. He says, shoving him off him quickly. JJ looks at him, confused.  
  
“Are we hanging around out here for the sheer thrill of it?” He asks.  
  
“Yeah, just thought it would be a nice time to stop and appreciate the peacefulness of life... of fucking course not man, the door’s locked. We’re stuck.”  
“Fuck.” Kiara says, catching John B’s explanation. She stops, and then doubles over, taking in some deep breaths.  
  
“Why do you always find time for wit even when we’re on the run? It’s not cute.” JJ retorts at John B.  
  
“Window?” Kie wheezes out, and John B nods, whipping around at the suggestion. Every Unit has a window next to every bed, which means 14 windows. One of them’s bound to be unlatched. He starts, and the others join, tracing the side of the unit trying every one. Pope shows up just as they begin searching.  
  
“Dicko went left- he’s headed towards the dam. Think he’s assuming we made a break for the bush.” Pope pants out, tugging up on a window sill. It doesn’t budge.  
  
“He didn’t see you did he?” Kie asks sharply, turning to him briefly, serious.  
  
“No- no I don’t think so. Otherwise he would have followed me here.”  
  
“Got one!” Comes JJ’s triumphant call. He’s the furthest down, and the windows a good two metres off the ground, thanks to the edge of the unit being propped up on concrete slabs to keep it even along the mountainside.  
  
They watch as he manages to haul himself up, and wiggle through the gap. John B goes next, pulling himself in, and Kiara can’t help but be surprised at the strength of the two of them- there’s not exactly a gym here.  
  
But when she gets over to the window, and the two of them lean out and hoist her up by her forearms, she’s grateful for the way seventeen-year-old boys tend to fill out.  
  
Pope comes straight after her, rolling onto the dust covered wooden floorboards.  
  
He tilts upwards briefly enough to slam the window shut, and then collapses back on the ground.  
  
“Fuck. Me.” JJ says. He’s stretched long, and Kiara can see his chest heaving as he catches his breath. They’re all mirroring his image, though, and Kiara is certain she’s going to leave a sweaty outline on the floor.  
  
“Good call John B.” She says, giving credit where credit’s due. “And the door being locked is even better- they’ll just assume we couldn’t have possibly got in here.”  
  
“Yeah- yeah…” John B says, trailing off. Kiara’s words have made something pop into his mind. “Fuck- guys. They’ll never think we could be in here -we can do whatever the hell we want in here, no one’s ever going to find us. And there’s not even a risk they may at some point try to use this place – it’s got faulty gas lines- the law suit they’d have on their hands if they let kids live in here would be insane.”  
  
John B has that look in his eyes that he gets when he gets carried away in his mind. Kie flicks her gaze to JJ, who has automatically looked to her. She rolls her eyes towards him and he gives her a wry, indulgent smile.  
  
John B always has a plan- an idea, a dream. It’s just something they all tend to run with. But- in this case, he’s not wrong. It would be a great hang out – no smoke alarm detectors fitted. No electricity either, but that’s not really a problem – and it’s just close enough to their actual units that they’ll be able to sneak back in the dark without anyone seeing them. It’s almost too easy.  
  
“What do you think Pogues?” John B asks, looking around. “Say goodbye to the chapel roof?”  
  
“Well- I mean, it’s pretty obvious we have to. What with me blowing our cover and all.” Pope says, an apologetic look on his face.  
  
JJ frowns and sits up at that. “Nah man- that was all on me, if I hadn’t of laughed, Dicko would have been on his way without a second thought.”  
  
“Actually, if you hadn’t dropped a lit cigarette-“ Kiara begins, but JJ just reaches out to shove her shoulder, lightly. His hands are cool for some reason that Kiara can’t figure out, and their temperature against her warm skin makes it prickle.  
  
“Yeah piss off thanks Kie.” JJ says, scrunching his nose in fake annoyance. John B watches the exchange between the three of them without a word.

“Oh christ.” John B says, forehead creasing in realisation. “I left my school shirt up there. What the hell am I meant to wear to formal dinner?”  
  
The others laugh at his distress, Kie finding it particularly funny when she recalls the image of him jumping up, his makeshift shirt hat flying off his head as he fled.  
  
“You think you’re screwed man- wait till I tell Ms Cartwright I’ve lost my English text. She’s going to have a cow!” Pope counters. They all continue to laugh, lying flat on the floor until they slip into silence.  
  
Eventually, Pope pipes up again, circling the conversation back around. “Yeah- I vote yes to a new hangout. Can’t be worse than getting fried on the chapel roof each day.”  
  
They all murmur in agreement, before John B stands up, and walks out of the room. Kiara, having only just caught her breath, doesn’t bother to follow, remaining on the floor next to JJ.  
  
  
  
Pope's curious though, and follows John B.  
  
“What are you looking for man?” He asks. The layout of the abandoned E unit is almost the exact same as their A Unit dormitory, the only difference being the location.  
  
“Just want to see what we’ve got to work with here.” John B says, which explains essentially- nothing. But Pope doesn’t question it.  
  
John B heads into the bathroom, and turns on the taps. Water comes out- running an orangey yellow before it begins to run clear. John B nod’s in satisfaction – running water's really all you need- before leaving the bathroom and re-entering the main dorm room to check the floorboards. Nearly every unit has some dodgy floorboards, perfect for stashing any kind of contraband- phones, weed, condoms, cigarettes, liquor. These floorboards are just the same. The heat has warped them, and three of them kick up easily enough when John B wedges the toe of his shoe between them.  
  
“Well boys- and Kie. Apologies" He adds to Kie when she makes a face. "I think we’re going to be very happy here. Shall we christen it tonight?” John B pronounces, satisfied with his inspection.  
  
Pope lets out a whoop, to which Kie rolls her eyes.  
  
“Actually.” JJ starts, expression pure mischief, “I had a different idea for tonight.”  
  
It’s the vaguest sentence ever, Pope thinks, but John B, purely based on JJ’s facial expression, is already backing the idea. “I'm in."


	2. Tell me we're reckless, tell me we're alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, here we go! More love, more danger, more teenagers behaving like idiots. All the good stuff. Enjoy!
> 
> Thank you for all the beautiful responses on the first chapter, it made me that much more eagre to get this chapter out and up.
> 
> Unbetaed cos hey, life's messy. But also because my beta is asleep, I believe. So we'll post now beta later. 
> 
> For now, sit back, relax, and enjoy your time at Rivers College with our loves the Pogues. 
> 
> L xx

That evening, there’s a scuffle as the boys file out of dinner. JJ’s walking with John B and Pope, their heads down, JJ smirking about something- looking like the cat that got the cream. Kiara’s watching them leave- feeling that particular pang of jealousy- of how often she’s not a part of their friendship group, for no reason other than the separation of genders. Just as they’re about to pass her table, where she’s squished at the edge of the wooden bench, John B murmurs something to JJ so quickly Kiara wouldn’t have caught the moment if she hadn’t already been watching the boys.

As it happens, she does catch it, which is why what happens next surprises her so much.

In the time it takes JJ to take his next step, John B has turned on a penny and clocked Pope with his fist. Before anyone knows what’s happened, Pope and John B are rolling on the floor of the dining hall, John B holding Pope in a headlock while Pope struggles against him.

Kiara jumps to her feet immediately, horrified. “John B! John B what the _hell_ get off him!” She yells, running forward.

She’s not the only one who has stood up, nearly the whole dining hall are on their feet, trying to see the fight, to understand what’s happened.

Kiara’s just ducking past the rest of the A unit boys when her elbow gets hooked, and she’s hauled back from the fight. She turns, ready to give whoever’s got her by the crook of her elbow an earful, when she realises it’s JJ. The hand on her arm stills her, but she still manages to spit out a “What the fuck JJ, he’s gonna hurt him!”

JJ smiles, a small, amused thing that pops the dimple in his cheek. Kiara looks at him, fuming. She hates when she feels patronised, and she hates it even more when it’s JJ. _Smug bastard_ , she thinks. Instead JJ just says quite simply, “I think he’ll be fine.”

He takes a quick look around, and Kiara uses the opportunity to take stock of whatever the fuck is going on. Teachers have converged on the two fighting boys, and the whole dining hall’s attention is focused solely on John B and Pope, who have now been pulled apart and are being held back by two of the burlier male teachers at the school.

John B’s face is filled with anger, and he’s straining at the hold on his arms. Pope, seemingly just as angry, yells at him, goading him from across the dining hall. “Come on man! Let’s do this! Come on!” He yells. Kiara can’t shake the shock at watching the two of them direct such anger towards each other. Not when they’ve been friends since fifth grade.

She turns back to JJ, pure confusion written directly across her face. JJ dips in slightly, and Kiara feels a brush against her hip, and whispered words. “Just check your pocket. They’re fine.” He says, and then he slips back into the group of A Unit boys.

Kiara stands, dumb with confusion, as John B and Pope are forced out of the dining hall, Dicko’s face like stone as he watches them go. The second the boys are outside, Kiara sees them go slack, as though it was all pretence. Which- it was. _Fuck those boys_ , she thinks. _What the fuck were they thinking? Do they honestly think this shit is funny?_ If they get suspended- she’ll kill them.  
  


She’s eager to reach into her pocket, to find whatever JJ’s left there, but she’s not stupid. Their interaction – no matter how innocent, would be grounds for suspension as well. Every single one of the Pogues had potential to be facing suspension right now, and Kiara, unlike John B and Pope, was not going to let herself be caught. Still, knowing something’s there in her pocket makes her smile, knowing her friends think of her, work tirelessly to include her even when there’s so many rules keeping her apart – it makes her smile.

_Mount River, bring your running shoes. Lights out._  
-J.  


The note immediately reads like a bad idea, Kiara thinks, locked in the bathroom cubicle of their dorm. And yet- what’s life for, if not to witness JJ’s bad ideas play out?

That night, Kiara climbs into bed in her black singlet and running shorts. She gets an odd look from Ms Kravak, the teacher on duty. But Ms Kravak has never been one of the strictest teachers – she’s too lazy to want to punish them, in reality, so she lets plenty of things slide, feigning ignorance. Kiara’s happy it’s her on tonight, and not one of the military-esque teachers.

It’s the nightly inspection. They claim it’s to check each student’s bed areas are tidy, but Kiara knows better. It’s another attempt at spying – allowing teachers to check for an iPod left out, a phone- to check for clothes folded under the night table, waiting to be used once the teacher leaves the dorm. They’re not that stupid though- Kiara has tucked her hoodie at the base of her bed, under her duvet cover, and her beat up converses are by the front door, looking more like they’ve been discarded from the school day, rather than waiting for the night.

By the time Kravak leaves, it’s quarter to ten. Kiara keeps obsessively checking the time on her watch, flicking the small button to light up the face, as she listens to the rest of the girls settling down to sleep. It’s hard to sleep in a room of fourteen- especially when their beds are all placed so close together. The darkness is filled with sighs- snuffles and shifting blankets.

She lies there, waiting for the sounds to go quiet- for the coast to be clear.

When she goes to check her watch for the seventh time, Sarah, who sleeps in the bed opposite her, snaps. “Can you please turn that fucking thing off? I’m trying to sleep.” She mutters, glaring at Kiara.

The light isn’t all that bright, but it does cast an eerie green glow over the room. Kiara rolls her eyes anyway. Honestly, she couldn’t give less of a fuck if she’s annoying any of these girls.

“Sorry.” She says, not all that sorry.

“What are you even doing anyway? Waiting for Romeo to show up?” Sarah jokes, eliciting a few giggles from around the room from the girls still awake. The joke is that no one will ever love Kiara. Ha ha. Very funny.

“None of your fucking business, is it?” Kiara responds, bristling. She’s always a little too hostile – her mum always used to tell her that if she wasn’t so sharp with people, she might be able to make more friends. But fuck that – Kiara _has_ friends. She doesn’t want anything to do with privileged rich girls who have no clue about real world life.

Sarah’s on the verge of a response when Bella chimes in, nasally voice coming out of the darkness. “Can you _both_ shut the fuck up please? If Ms Kravak comes back and finds us talking, we’re all going to be sleeping in a tent outside. I cannot deal with being tented twice in one week.” She says, voice rising in annoyance.

“Shoulda thought about that before getting tented the first time then, shouldn’t of you Bella?” Kiara throws back, just as the front door cracks open. Fuck. They all fall dead silent, sliding back down against their mattresses, feigning sleep. It’s Ms Kravak and – well. If she heard them, they’ll all be setting tents up outside the unit in no time. She may not be strict, but even she can’t blatantly ignore the rules.

The figure at the door walks in, slowly, as though testing the waters. If Ms Kravak thinks she can sneak in without any of them realising she’s there, and catch them out, she’s out of her mind. They’re all on full alert as they listen to the figure come down the centre of the aisle. It’s only as it gets closer to Kiara’s bed that she realises it’s not Ms kravak – it’s the shape of a boy- long and lean, in a black hoodie- it’s- _JJ_.

This fucking boy. Kiara swears quietly under her breath, already reaching for her own hoodie, tucked below her covers. She stands up as quietly as she can, hoping the rest of the girls have shut their eyes, pretending to be asleep - praying they haven’t noticed that this isn’t a teacher. She doesn’t trust these girls in the slightest not to snitch on her.

She walks slowly towards JJ, placing her feet carefully on each floorboard, avoiding the ones that will creek and give away her movements to the girls. JJ has noticed her now, eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room. He’s holding a hand out to her, and she can feel his energy- his whole body buzzing with excitement. Just as she’s about to take his hand, Sarah Cameron’s voice sounds out again.

“Kiara – don’t be fucking stupid.” She says. It’s low and careful, but it’s enough for every one of the girls to roll over, to open their eyes and see the two of them standing there, hands clasped, in the middle of the aisle. “They’ll expel you.” The warning is laced with a tint of disbelief in Sarah’s voice. Kiara tenses.

“I’ll do whatever the hell I want, thanks Sarah.” She shoots back, but her hands shaking just slightly in JJ’s grasp – she knows if anyone decides to tell- she’s done for. Her place at the school – gone. Her academic record - finished. She sounds exactly like Pope, she thinks wryly, but she really can’t afford to lose her scholarship.

She feels JJ’s other hand slip to the small of her back, pushing her gently forward, guiding her out of the dorm. For a moment, she considers resisting, considers telling JJ, and rightfully so, that he’s being reckless and stupid, and that she’s not going anywhere with him.

She dismisses the option almost immediately though. She doesn’t want to live safely, not if it means staying in this room night after night, with girls she doesn’t trust, doesn’t even like. She’ll take JJ’s recklessness any day over this.

She throws one desperate glance back at Sarah, as she moves down the aisle with JJ. Sarah’s staring right at her when she does, the whites of her eyes visible in the darkened dorm. “Please.” Kiara mouths. She thinks- maybe, just maybe, she sees Sarah nod.

Sarah’s not a bad person- at least, Kiara doesn’t think she is. But she is privileged- born into one of the richest families here. Her father has a massive mining company, the richest man in the country. All that money- all that arrogance. It trickles down. As far as Kiara can tell, Sarah got off relatively unscathed, compared to her twin brother. Her brother is in F unit, and is a coke addict- not to mention he’s just an asshole, put simply.

Sarah may be a bit of a bitch sometimes, and often insufferably naive- but at least she’s not a druggie. And Kiara still hopes she might grow out of the bitch part. Maybe.

Once they’re outside, she glances over to JJ to see his grin, wide as anything. “Kravak’s gone down to the staff room, she won’t be up here for at least an hour.” JJ tells her, as she scans the front yard of their unit, and the bush that stretches beyond. There are over fifty different paths that weave through the bush leading to the other units and the classrooms, in a hectic pattern of buildings hidden in the mountain side. It’s a hard task to make sure they’re actually unseen, when they can hardly see anyone coming. However Kiara, deeming the coast clear for the immediate now, lets her anger take over.

She shoves JJ, hard enough to make him stumble back just a little, a look of surprise on his face. “You’re fucking insane, coming into the Unit like that- you’ll get us both expelled one of these days JJ, I swear to god. What the fuck were you thinking? Do you want to have to go home?” She’s hissing at him, voice as low as she can make it. She can’t shake the tremors running through her body, the pure fear she had felt when she realised it was JJ in her dorm- her fear for him, and the trouble he was putting himself into.

JJ’s grin slips of his face with the last comment and Kiara catches it. It was the wrong thing to say- and she knows it. She bites her lip, wishing she could take it back. “Sorry- I- sorry.” She attempts to backtrack.

JJ just shrugs, feigning indifference. “’S’okay.”

“I just- you’ve gotta not be so fucking reckless JJ- like, what the hell was that in the dining hall? John B and Pope must have been in a fuck tonne of trouble when you could have just told me earlier in the day for god’s sake!” The swear words drop relentlessly- she never could hold them in when she got angry enough. It seems to have the opposite effect on JJ though, as his mouth splits into a grin once more, his face lit up in the glow of the full moon.

Kiara smacks his shoulder. The admonishment does nothing to dampen his excitement. “That was brilliant wasn’t it? I mean- we had the whole school going. Possibly the best acting performance I’ve ever seen. And like, yeah, I could have just told you earlier, but that was so much more fun.” JJ rambles on proudly. Kiara feels her anger start to ease, but she stubbornly tries to hold onto it.

“It wasn’t funny- it was stressful.” She mutters, but JJ can sense her loosening. For someone who’s favourite past time is fucking shit up, he has a fairly good ability to read people, and their emotions.

“It’s okay, all they got as punishment was being tented together this evening, to ‘work out their differences’” JJ says, flicking up air quotes. “Basically, they’ve spent the evening playing cards in a tent instead of doing their evening study.” Kiara finally lets an amused smile slip, at the idea of the two boys receiving sharing a tent as a punishment. Talk about ineffective. JJ catches the smile, and urges her on. “C’mon, the boys have already left, they got tented up by E unit, so I just told them you and I would meet them at the saddle.”

She nods. It makes sense, considering that her unit’s a good 200 feet below E unit, and to the right. It would be needless risk for Pope and John. B to back track down the mountain to get her- especially when they were already in trouble.

She shifts to grab her converses from their place by the door, reaching out to grab JJ’s forearm for balance as she pulls one on, and then the other. JJ, despite his hyperactive nature, stands still for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this one, we're starting to take off now.
> 
> This is your chapterly reminder that fic writers run on comments and kudos, and it's a sure fire way to get another chapter.
> 
> So pretty please, if you like it, let me know.
> 
> Lots of love to every single one of you, I adore you all.
> 
> L xx


	3. Freedom has always felt better with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya loves,
> 
> Here's more! This chapter's existence can be attributed to a beautiful playlist (thanks George), a beta who will debate just how tall a rock face is with me (thanks Meg) and my constantly growing entirely unhealthy obsession with Outer Banks, and John B and JJ in particular.
> 
> The chapter after this has already been written, just needs a betaing, so expect that sooner rather than later.
> 
> As a writer, I worship at the alter of kudos and comments. Hearing your thoughts, what you like, what you dislike, keeps me writing. Which keeps chapters coming. Life hack, I know.
> 
> I hope you like this chapter - the events in it are quite close to my heart, as is the world in which it takes place. Enjoy!
> 
> All the love,  
> L xx

They duck up the path, heading for the quickest route off campus, keeping an eye out the whole time for any patrolling teachers. Being caught out, after lights out, with a boy - not good.  
  
The gate on the campus border is shut, but the wooden ledges built into the fence provide an easy step up and over. They move in complete silence to begin with, all too aware how easily noise travels on campus at night.  
  
Once there’s a half kilometre between the two of them and the campus, they begin to run, letting the sound of their footsteps pound out against the red dirt. It’s freeing- the stars are bright, with no pollution to dim them, and the moon lights the track for them. Kiara lets out a whoop of joy, unwarranted. JJ turns on his heel to grin at her.  
  
“Fucking freedom!” He yells out, the sound clear in the quiet of the night. There’s no one around now, and the night air is a welcome cooling from the heat of the day.  
  
She begins to laugh, a little manically as they run, enjoying the sense of openness they so rarely get inside the campus, when they know their every move is being watched by someone. When JJ reaches out to clasp her hand as they run, she grasps it back, feeling a tingle run along her palm. She’s happy. They’re doing something absolutely batshit crazy – but she’s happy.  
  
  
  
John B and Pope arrive at Mount Rivers Saddle sweaty and out of breath. John B has shed his black hoodie during the run, tying it around his waist instead.  
  
“Fucking hell, you and JJ are masochistic fuckers.” Pope says, sucking in air in sharp breaths. “Let’s run up Mount River, it’ll be fun, let’s do it when we could be in bed asleep, it’ll be even more fun. Let’s be athletic morons.” He starts, in a high-pitched sarcastic voice.  
  
“In which case Pope, I’ve got shit news for you. Because we’re only halfway.” He’s got a shit-eating grin on his face as he says it, and he can see Pope’s murderous look shot back at him. John B sits down on the ground, back against a tree, and tilts his head back, looking up.  
  
The gumtrees are thick here, but the gaps in the branches show a sky full of stars- enough that they could almost find their way back to campus based solely on them, John B’s sure of it. He doesn’t plan on testing the theory, but he could do it. For sure.  
  
“Think I might just wait here for you guys instead.” Pope says. John B ignores him.  
  
Pope likes to complain, but no matter how much he hates some of the things they do, he hates being left out even more. He’ll run it with them, no doubt about it. John B just has to let him be dramatic first.  
  
“I mean it. I’m not going up there. There’s probably like-”  
  
“Drop bears?” John B asks, voice filled with mirth. Pope glares at him, his face shadowed by the gum trees.  
  
“I was going to say hermits. But yeah, drop bears.” Pope says, stubbornly.  
  
“Please- we can absolutely take on a hermit. No worries.”  
  
“It’s not about whether I could take a hermit- it’s about whether I want to. And, I have decided, I don’t.”  
  
John B nods, faux seriously. “Very wise, very wise.”  
  
Pope digs up some dirt with the toe of his runner, and kicks it towards him. Retaliating, John B jumps up, running forward to tackle Pope. They tumble to the ground rather gracefully- years of playfighting have taught them both how to fall without hurting each other, or themselves for that matter. It’s a trick that came in handy in the dining hall display today.  
  
The scuffle starts, and by the time Pope is sitting firmly on John B’s back, John B’s head in a headlock, they hear the sound of pounding feet.  
  
Pope lets go of John B in favour of turning to greet their friends, and John B takes his chance. He jumps, only to skillfully deck Pope straight to the ground, scooping up some dirt and rubbing it into his hair, and along his cheek.  
  
“Oi, fuck off, that’s not a fair fight!” Pope protests, before getting a mouthful of dirt. JJ and Kiara’s laughter is bright and gleeful, watching their friends.  
  
“Right fellas - break it up, break it up.” JJ says, still laughing as he leans down and hauls John B off Pope. “We need to get down to business and you’re both being incredibly unprofessional.”  
  
“That’s on Pope- he started it.” John B protests, but JJ just holds a hand up.  
  
“Do I look like your mother?” He demands- and then, thinking better of it when John B shrugs, on the verge of being a smartass- “Don’t answer that. The point is, we don’t have time to watch the two of you get your asses kicked- we have a mountain to conquer motherfuckers!” JJ tilts his head back on the last word, letting his voice ring out through the night.  
  
His exclamation is met with whoops of delight from the rest of them, and John B leads the charge, as usual, taking off up the path of the switchbacks that lead to Rivers summit. Pope is hot on his heels, dramatic protests left behind entirely.  
  
  
  
They’re almost there by the time the moon has risen fully over head – it’s always late to rise in march, taking until near midnight before it cuts fully through the close-knit trees on the mountainside. They break out of the tree density, into the flat place that tilts up towards the rockface. It’s a ten metre vertical rock climb, essentially, and then they’ll be there.  
  
The stitch in Kiara’s side is throbbing, but the burn of the air in her lungs, the ache in her legs - it all feels like freedom. Like being alive. And there’s nothing better than that.  
  
She takes the rock scramble first, despite John B offering to go first and help her up. She could do this scramble in her sleep – considering they run up Mount Rivers once every three weeks at school. She knows where the foot holds go, where she needs to twist left to dodge the rock that isn’t fully secured. As she reaches the top, and hauls herself onto the flat summit of the mountain, she takes a deep breath. The stars are much closer now, and she takes a second to reach up and grasp them- the whole world’s out _there_. But it’s just her _here_. Just her, and her friends below her.  
  
JJ’s hand appears over the edge of the rockface, and then he’s coming up over the ledge, grinning at her from ear to ear.  
  
There’s always been something different about the escape - about being here when they’re not meant to be. There’s something secret - time out from a world of rules, restrictions. The harshness of campus laws can’t reach them here. On a rebellious, euphoric whim, Kiara reaches out and pulls JJ in, her arms wrapping around his shoulders. The action is intended as one more fuck you to the school – here she is, chest to chest with a boy, and there’s nothing they can do about it. But when she tilts her head back to look at JJ, he’s smiling at her so brightly that she forgets the reason- forgets the rebellion. All she can think is how happy he looks, here, right now.  
  
There’s a beat. A second beat. Where they are just looking at each other, and Kiara feels the brush of JJ’s palm against the small of her back, tugging her forward oh-so-slightly.  
  
But John B’s pulling himself over the ledge, and the tension breaks, and they both go back to this delirious joy of fresh air and freedom.  
  
JJ let’s his arms drop from Kiara, throwing her a grin as he turns in a circle, taking in the view of almost complete darkness, as far as the eye can see. There’s no city lights here, not even the lights of a rural town. They are so far from any kind of civilisation. Even Rivers College’s lights aren’t visible from here, blocked by the steep edges of Mount River.  
  
JJ drops to the ground, spreading his hands to support his head as he stares upwards. “Fucking love it up here.” He murmurs quietly, as Pope joins their little group.  
  
They all end up spread out, star-fished with their heads together, staring at the sky.  
  
“John B, what are the chances you brought a joint?” Kiara asks, twisting her head to look at him. She can see him, bright in the moonlight, along with the other two boys. The moonlight glints of JJ’s jawline, and Kiara pretends not to notice.  
  
“Did you seriously think I was going to run ten k with a joint in my pocket?” John B asks, disbelieving, only to reach into his pocket and toss Kiara a lighter. She misses the catch, surprised, and it hits JJ square in the face.  
  
“Oof.” He says, in mock pain.  
  
Kiara sits up then, leaning over towards John B and shoving a hand in his pocket  
  
“Oh- okay. Guess you’re just going to feel me up then Kie, no worries, no hard feelings here. But for future reference, I don’t feel that way about you.” John B rambles, faking being affronted as Kiara feels around for the joint.  
  
“Oh do shut up.” She mutters, pulling the joint out triumphantly. She smacks John B lightly across the chest.  
  
“That’s blatant abuse now Kie.” He says, but the most he does is reach for a curl, tugging it gently, in mock reprimand.  
  
Kiara sits up properly, holding the joint up to her mouth. JJ shifts with her movement, sitting up next to her to hold the lighter up. She leans slowly into his space as the flame flickers.  
  
She inhales deeply, watching as the tip catches. The smoke fills her lungs, and she holds it there for as long as she can, before she lets it out. She has to resist the urge to shotgun JJ, for some reason she doesn’t want to think too deeply about. Instead, she lets the smoke trail out slowly into the night, watching as it becomes one with the darkness.  
  
She’s been friends with JJ since year six. She was a scrappy kid then, with gangly limbs and a smile that was too big for her face at the time. To this day, she’s not really sure why the boys let her into their little world. She’s only glad that they did. She’d never thought about JJ as anything other than her flight risk of a friend. But, there’s something changing here. She’s not sure what it is. And she’s definitely not sure she likes it.  
  
She hands the joint off to JJ before laying back down. It’s still not properly cold- just enough that she’s tempted to put her hoodie back on, where she had banished it to hanging around her waist during the run up here.  
  
JJ in turn passes the joint off to Pope, and when his hands are free Kiara feels his pinky nudging against the back of her hand- it’s slight, and she could be forgiven for not noticing it - she could be perfectly justified in not reacting to the touch at all. But- she doesn’t really want to. Instead, she lets her pinky twist to join with JJ’s. It’s the slightest touch- but it’s odd.  
  
There’s something- more, to this, is all her sleep deprived slightly pot addled brain can come up with. There’s something silkier about the way she feels when JJ touches her – they’ve always been an affectionate group, as much as they can be when physical contact between Kie and any of the boys is as good as volunteering for expulsion. But the difference seems to be in the hidden movements – in the way JJ stepped back from their embrace when John B showed up over the side of the summit. Of the way their linked pinkies are so incredibly invisible - no one but them even knows it’s happening.  
  
Kiara has never lived her life hidden- she’s always been big, and loud, and fiery. But there’s something delicious here- about these secret moments, and touches. Like they’re just for her, and nobody else. She doesn’t want to let go of the feeling in her chest.  
  
“Man, do you reckon these are those moments we’re gonna like, look back on in fifteen years, and be like, fuck, those were the good days?” Pope’s deep voice floats up into the air, just as John B nudges her side, passing the joint the full circle. Kiara takes a full drag without sitting up, the night getting syrupy in front of her. She taps her pinky once, twice against JJ’s before he realises why she’s doing it, and he lifts his other hand to take the joint from her, their hands never parting.  
  
She watches the shift of his chest as he breathes in. “I think so, yeah. Can’t imagine that we’ll ever really regret this sort of thing.” She answers without thinking.  
  
“It’s just like- no one gets to do this shit man. I mean, hell we don’t even get to do this shit. We’re not even meant to be here. But imagine like- never getting to do this. I just- I dunno guys. But I wouldn’t want to not be here.” Pope says. His words are usually clean cut, but when he smokes, they get tangled, until it feels like they’re falling with him down a dark rabbit hole. But Kiara understands what he’s saying - they all do.  
  
“Me either man. Pogues for life.” John B says, and he drops a hand into the centre of where all their heads are, close enough that Kiara feels the brush of his fingers in her hair. She reaches back too, clasping his hand, just as JJ reaches back and grabs Pope’s.  
  
“Pogues for life.” She murmurs, as the stars fade in and out of focus above them.  
  
The return trip takes a hell of a lot longer than their original frantic run. Not only is reverse rock scrambling incredibly difficult when you’re just a little too high, but the desire to run has evaded them all by the time they hit the switchbacks. Instead, they stumble home, arms thrown over each other’s shoulders, an entirely rag tag bunch of untameable teenagers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh to be running free on a mountain top in the middle of nowhere with your best friends...
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this one, if you would like more... you know what to do. Kudos. Comments. Shares.
> 
> Here's a funky link to my [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatjohnd), and to the [fic post](https://thatjohnd.tumblr.com/post/620644118245326848/new-chapter-of-ignored-neglected-is-now-live) that I will love you forever if you reblog. Seriously. If you reblog this, we're automatically best friends. No pressure.
> 
> Lots of love,  
> I'll speak to you soon,  
> L xx


	4. The night misses us when we're asleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya,
> 
> Back sooner than I expected. Good news is: there seems to be a little writing fairy in my brain who likes to dream up the next chapter while I sleep. So, here is another chapter! Like magic, I know.
> 
> You've all been so so lovely - I read every comment, every tag, every reblog. It makes my heart warm. I know I haven't replied to comments on here yet - I made the executive call that you guys would rather I write the next chapter than reply to you all individually, but I promise I will reply as soon as I can to every single one of you. You have no idea just how much kudos, a comment, a reblog means. It keeps the characters alive in my world, essentially.
> 
> Anyways, without further ado, here you go. Enjoy. 
> 
> Endless love to you all,  
> L xx

The boys, in a near uncharacteristic act of chivalry, walk Kiara back to her unit. They’re giggling quietly to themselves, and Kiara knows she should tell them to be quiet - she knows they should be worried about teachers hearing them - but it’s near four in the morning. The chances of anyone being awake right now is so slim that Kiara can’t bring herself to care.

“See you Kie.” John B whispers as they reach the steps leading to the door of her unit. “We’ll see you in like- four hours for breakfast.”

Kiara groans quietly and then giggles, reaching out to clasp John B’s hand in a bro-ish handshake. “I’ll see you on the other side captain.” She mock salutes to each of them in turn.

When she gets to JJ, he’s looking at her with an odd intensity. “D’you think Sarah will snitch?” He asks quietly. The bravado with which he entered her dorm hours ago is entirely gone, replaced with a nervous and unsure JJ. She can see the anxiety, blatant across his face in the moonlight.

She shrugs, faking nonchalance. “No idea- but she only knew it was me. I won’t be taking any of you down with me, so don’t worry.”

JJ mutters something that sounds like _that doesn’t help_ when Pope speaks over him, muffling JJ’s words.

“What do you mean? Did someone see you go?” Pope’s tone is still hushed but tinged with anxiety. Kiara immediately slips into calming mode.

“It’s really nothing- it was just Sarah- she just saw me leave, that’s all- but she’s pretty like- I mean I’m sure she wouldn’t- I dunno. I’ll talk to her.” The more Kie attempted to reassure, the more she found herself realising there was something to be worried about. _Fuck_.

Nevertheless, she waves a final goodbye to the boys, who all dramatically blow her kisses, and she steps into the unit. She toes each shoe off as quietly as she can, terrified of alerting any of the girls to her presence.

Leaving her socks on to minimise noise, she slips down the centre of the aisle, making it to her bed in complete silence. It’s only as she lifts the cover on her bed to climb in that Sarah’s voice sounds out in a harsh whisper. _Fucking Sarah_.

“Kie. Oi, Kie.” She says, and Kiara’s nearly one hundred percent sure she won’t let up until Kiara responds.

“What?” She whispers back, a little too viciously. But her eyes are tired, and her brain feels so. so. slow. Not to mention her calves are aching from the run.

“Where did you go?” The question is almost innocent in its curiosity, and Kiara can practically see Sarah’s wide doe eyes looking at her, wholly interested in her answer. If it wasn’t for the darkness of the dorm only showing the outline of Sarah’s shape across the room, she’d certainly be looking at that image.

She deliberates - long enough that she hears Sarah draw breath to ask again, spurring her to answer. “Nowhere- I mean. Nowhere like, special. I just-” what’s going to get her in the least trouble? “I just couldn’t sleep, so I went to sit outside the door to watch the stars.” It’s both entirely feasible and entirely obviously bullshit. No one is going to believe that Kie spent near on six hours sitting at the front door.

“That’s bullshit.” Sarah says. Kie has to restrain herself from nodding in complete agreement. That would be counter-productive.

“It’s not – you can check. The stars are still there, promise.” Kie, in what is most likely going to turn out to be a bad approach, elects to run with the stubborn sarcasm.

Sarah, as predicted, doesn’t vibe with it. “Listen Kie. I don’t know whether you think I’m stupid, or blind. But I saw that boy come in, and I saw you go out with him. In my books- actually- in Rivers’ books, that’s a double expulsion being called for.” Through the darkness, Kiara sees Sarah tilt her head cockily. _Honestly, fuck Sarah Cameron._

“Sarah, for once in your life could you just shut the fuck up and mind your own fucking business? What’s it to you whether JJ and I get expelled or not, hey? Why do you even care? Am I really that much of a nuisance here that you’d rather see two of us expelled than have to put up with me for the rest of the year?” Kiara snaps, voice carrying to Sarah in a muted hiss. It’s stuff like this that drives Kiara mad about Sarah Camron – always the opportunist, always sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. She never thinks about who it might affect – nothing will stand in the way of her getting what she wants.

Too late, Kie realises her mistake. Far, far too late.

“So it was JJ then, hey? Didn’t realise you guys were getting it on – never thought you’d be his type.” She can hear the barely masked glee in Sarah’s voice, and Kie is so, so angry. But it’s not anger directed at Sarah – it’s sitting in her own chest – mingled with fear, and horror at what she’s done. Because – _god. Jeopardising her own future at River’s- let’s just say it’s not her brightest idea. Her parents would go absolutely mental, there’s no doubt about it. But JJ – oh god. JJ would lose everything – JJ would have to return to live with his dad- and. Fuck. Kiara can’t actually believe she’s done this. Because if JJ gets expelled, he’s going home to an abusive alcoholic and angry father_ – and Kiara can’t let that happen. She just can’t.

She’s up and out of her bed before she’s even formulated a plan.

“Sarah you can’t-” She says, words coming to a halt as she realises it’s useless, it’s not worth arguing with Sarah Cameron. She’ll just end up getting angrier, and that will never get her what she wants.

Instead, she turns on her heel and heads back down the aisle of the dorm, heading for the door. She hears Sarah begin to say something behind her, but she ignores her, and steps out into the night.

She didn’t bother to put shoes on, taking the hike up the tracks to below E unit barefoot, to where she knows Pope and John B’s tent is. It’s not as dark anymore, Kiara realises with a start as she looks at the tent, outlined by the grey light of the early morning. The world isn’t fully visible yet, but she won’t have long until it is, and she needs to be back in bed, asleep, by the time that happens.

She steps right up next to the tent and shakes the top of it just slightly, pausing to listen for movement. When no sound comes, she shakes the tent again. “John B.” she whispers as loud as she dares, glancing around her nervously – no one should be out, but with every minute that ticks on the likelihood of being seen increases. “John B!” it comes out as a forceful whisper, and she’s just reaching for the tent zip to force him awake when she hear’s a reply.

“Who is it?” Comes John B’s response. His voice is rough, and Kiara knows she’s woken him – god, he must have passed out pretty quickly after getting back, they’ve only been apart for fifteen minutes, at most.

“It’s Kie, get out here.” She leaves no room for questions – there’s too much on the line here. She needs to tell him and tell him now.

The zip on the tent slowly slides up, and John B’s figure appears at the entrance of the tent. He climbs out slowly, running a hand through his hair, entirely dishevelled by pot, running, and sleep.

“Kie, what’s going on?” He asks softly. His confusion is evident across his features, and Kie knows he’s a little worried. She can’t really find it in her to feel bad about worrying him.

“It’s Sarah – actually, it’s kind of JJ. It’s both, really – Sarah like, I got back, and she was still awake, and then she was talking about- well she was just talking shit about you guys, about everyone, threatening expulsion- and then I- well, basically, JJ- I mean I mentioned JJ- and-“ Her words aren’t coming to her properly, amidst her uncharacteristic panic. Her usual calm persona is long gone.

John B interrupts her. “Kie- breathe. Just take a second, then tell me.” He places a heavy hand on her shoulder, and Kiara knows he’s doing what he can to ground her, to calm her. She pauses, sucking in air. The breaths come in short, ragged moments, but it’s enough, for now. “That’s it, there you go. Okay – so I gathered from that Sarah knows you snuck out. And Sarah knows JJ had something to do with it?” He prompts her gently, giving her space to speak again.

Kie nods, taking another shaky breath before beginning again. “Sarah was awake when I came back – and she was threatening how sneaking out with a boy – she knew there’d been a boy in the dorm – sneaking out with a boy is a double expulsion. And I – I just got sick of her getting all cocky, and I went off at her. And I accidentally let it slip that it was JJ in the dorm – before that she had no idea who the guy was.” John B’s jaw tenses more and more as she speaks, but it’s the only noticeable tick on his face, his expression remaining unchanged, concern mixed with understanding. “Fuck – John B I’m so worried she’s going to tell. And JJ’s going to be expelled. And it will be all my fault because I blew his cover – and he’ll have to go home to his dad – and that will be all my fault – and. Fuck I’m just, such an idiot.” Her hands are shaking.

John B’s quiet for a moment, processing this. “You’re not an idiot – you just fucked up. It happens.”

“This isn’t an ‘oh whoops I fucked up’ scenario though John B. This is JJ we’re taking about – god, if something happens to him at home – and it will-”

John B cuts in then. “Okay Kie, first of all, JJ’s not going home, because Sarah’s not going to tell. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Kiara’s shoulders sag. She just needed to hear that from someone – anyone, really. The fear that was sitting in her chest eases slightly, but it’s still there, and still real. “You don’t know that.” She says quietly.

“I do. just trust me on this – I’ll deal with Sarah tomorrow – well. Today. I promise I’ll sort it – she won’t say a word.” For someone who had just woken up, he steps into authority impressively well – so much so it calms Kiara almost immediately.

“How do you know she won’t?” Kiara asks, slow to let go of her panic.

“I promise. I’ll deal with it all.”

“Okay. Okay, okay good.” If she repeats ‘okay’ enough, it might all start to feel okay again.

“For now, I need you to go back to your dorm – and I need you to not aggravate Sarah Cameron at all, okay? Just avoid interactions at all costs.” The instructions are simple enough, but in the aftermath of her panic attack her head’s beginning to feel a little like cotton wool. “Hey, do you need me to walk you back?” John B asks softly. Kiara just shakes her head.

“N- no I’ll be fine. You go back to sleep.” She says slowly, looking around to orient herself towards the path. John B nods, reluctant to believe her.

“Okay. And Kie?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re a good person. You know that, right? Being so worried about your friends, and what happens to them? You’re a good person.” He gives her shoulder a gentle squeeze before ducking into the tent again, sitting in the opening, watching her, waiting for her to walk away. She can hear Pope’s soft snores coming from the tent as she turns, heading back down the trail she had come up not fifteen minutes earlier.

She makes it back to the unit without running into anyone, thank god. Climbing back into her bed, she’s relieved that Sarah doesn’t interact. She knows she saw her come in, but for some reason, Sarah seems to have learnt something from their last conversating – even if it’s just that Kiara is a feisty bitch who isn’t worth the effort.

Sarah’s running on less than two hours sleep – and she knows she’s not the only one. At breakfast, Kiara looks like she might pass out on the spot, staring at her cereal with a glazed expression.

There are dark circles under her eyes, providing an unattractive contrast to her warm complexion. In essence – Kiara looks like shit. She looks how Sarah used to look, before she became accustomed to sleepless nights, and started to be able to put up a much better facade. All Kiara really needs is some concealer, and a cup of instant coffee, and she’ll be fine.

A few days ago, Sarah probably would have considered telling her that. But as it stands, she knows anything she says to Kiara will be taken as a threat, as an attack. Best not to risk it, she thinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I spy a little Sarah and John B interaction just around the corner... I know. Sorry for being a tease. Good news is, next chapter will be up asap. I just need to get the editing done.
> 
> Also, did you know the quickest way to get me to edit the next chapter is to give me attention? Odd, right? But. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Kudo's, comments, reblogs etc are my life lines to this wild obx world. If I think I'm making anyone else's day even a lil bit better it makes me 100% more likely to post. So there's that.
> 
> And on that note, here's my usual funky links to [my Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatjohnd), and to the [fic post](https://thatjohnd.tumblr.com/post/620726392345280512/new-chapter-of-ignored-neglected-is-now) you can reblog if you liked the chapter, the fic, etc.  
> Go for your life. Also feel free to message me with anything you want to share. I'm always around for a chat.
> 
> All the love,  
> L xx


	5. The loves of my heart and the loves of yours seems to be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya loves,
> 
> Long time no chat (just kidding - I believe it's been five days?? Feels like an age tho). This chapter was a tough one (multiple rewritings were required), so I'm sorry I made you all wait for it after such a quick turn around on the last one.
> 
> Basically, enjoy. There's a lil chaos, a lil romance, a fair chunk of chaotic romance. What more is there to say? Get reading.
> 
> Overwhelmed with the love of you all - the comments. The kudos. Perfection. Keep 'em coming and I'll keep the chapters coming (hopefully a bit quicker than this one came).
> 
> All the love,  
> L. xxx
> 
> P.S. George, this chapter is demonstrative of our truce. Please continue our shared insanity, I'm begging you.

There’s rarely a day Sarah’s not on time, but today’s one of them. She’s jogging up the track to the art house, the oppressive heat already making her sweat as she takes the steps two at a time. The bell has already begun to chime, and if she’s not in the door by the last chime, she’ll be getting a det from Mrs Ram. She was the kind of teacher who enjoyed catching out the good kids – who naturally believed every student was inherently bad, and disobedient, and that some were just better at hiding it. She would absolutely relish the opportunity to give Sarah a detention.

She’s just rounding the corner, about to wrench the door open and proclaim that since the bell is on its last chime, she’s technically on time, when someone comes out of nowhere and swings her around by the crook of her elbow.

“Hey- what the-” She begins, before there’s a hand on her wrist, pulling her around the corner. She’s about to continue protesting when she sees who it is. John B is standing in front of her, a grin on his face. “What the fuck?” She asks, finishing her half-started sentence.

He’s pulled them completely out of sight, directly behind the art house wall, which has a thin path running between it and the mountainside that continues on up. It’s a crowded space, and if it were anyone else, she’d feel cornered.

“Manhandling me even in broad daylight are we now?” She asks, grinning up at him cheekily.

“Thought I’d branch out.” He responds, taking their proximity as an opportunity to run his fingers gently over her forearm – almost subconsciously. It makes her skin prickle.

“Well – branching out is making me late.” She says, mustering up an irritated tone, but her eyes betray her, the edges crinkled by her smile.

“I think you might survive, if I’m being honest.” He says, and he steps forward, closing what little space there was between them.

“Oh yeah? You sure about that?” Emboldened, she juts her chin up, meeting his eyes, a challenge. His eyes dart over her head just briefly, checking for- someone. Anyone. Any eyes that might be there.

“I’m certain.” Is his answer, as he closes the distance entirely. He kisses her gently – and she can’t help it as her lips stretch into a smile against his. He slips his arms around her waist, and she lets her fingers track their way up to the collar of his shirt, fingering the hair at the nape of his neck. It’s always felt – well. Sarah always feels like there’s a glow in her chest that’s bubbling up, up, up, whenever he does something like this.

She pulls back slowly, reluctantly, and rests her forehead against his. “Bold move, John B.”

He ignores the comment and kisses her again. It’s less sweet this time, a little more tongue and teeth, Sarah’s arms crisscrossing at the back of his head to pull him impossibly closer.

“I’m still late.” She murmurs against his lips, but his mouth swallows the words, which is enough for Sarah – she at least attempted to protest.

It’s the sound of the art house door slamming that pulls them away abruptly, and John B swiftly flattens himself against the wall of the building, throwing an arm across Sarah’s midriff to push her back too.

She looks at him, eyes wide, slightly panicked. He puts a finger to his lips, but he looks completely at ease, brown eyes meeting hers steadily, unflinching. She can’t help but notice the purple bruises under his eyes – she wonders if it’s possible that he sleeps even less than she does.

The footsteps fade off into the distance, and Sarah lets out a sigh of relief – nearly every student at Rivers College spends their days holding their breaths, hiding in dark corners and away from prying eyes. It’s the only way to not go insane from the strictness of it all; to forcibly take a little bit of autonomy back. And yet – Sarah will never get used to it, to the fear of being caught. John B lives on it though, thrives from it. It makes her feel more alive – just being around him.

“I think we’re good.” He says quietly, and he relaxes away from the wall. Sarah mimics the action.

“Did you actually want something? Or are you just very, very poor at impulse control?” She asks, teasingly. She reaches up to flick back a strand of his hair that insists on regularly falling across his forehead.

“Both?” John B asks, cheekily. She rolls her eyes at him. “I wanted to tell you to meet me at E unit tonight.”

“With the faulty gas line? Is this a murder plot John B?” She’s fairly certain the old unit is entirely locked up – otherwise kids would have been sneaking in there all year, but John B has a successful history of keeping her entertained, of pulling off these types of ridiculous stunts.

“Yes.” He says deadpan, and then cracks a grin. “Come at one, all the teachers will have finished their rounds by then, okay?”

“I like that even murderers run on schedules. It’s comforting.” She glances around after she says it, despite them being almost entirely hidden from anyone’s view. It’s a paranoia thing, invoked by, well – the entire culture of the school. Satisfied they were still alone, she pulls him down for a quick kiss, letting her open palm rest on his cheek for one, two beats. Her heart flutters in protest when she pulls away. “I’ll see you then.” She murmurs, and then, before John B can pull her back in again – which she has no doubt he’d attempt, she’s turning on her heel and rounding the corner, strolling into the art room ten minutes late like nothing even happened. Mrs Ram almost gleefully writes her up for a det. She chalks it up as yet another thing to blame on John B’s influence. The list is getting concerningly long.

  
  


John B stands there for a little too long after Sarah walked off. He’s not sure what to do with her – at all. Never has been sure, truthfully. She’s just – there’s so much fire in her, and it pulls him in. He can’t look away from the smoke.

He thinks of Kiara, last night – early this morning - however it should be classified. Of the absolute panic she was in, eyes wild, shoulders shaking. Her panic had been palpable, and John B had been certain in that moment that they were on the brink of something terrible – that there was a chance – even a slight chance - that Sarah could bring everything crashing down.

But here – he didn’t feel that way. Truthfully, he never had. It had been a combination of weed and sleeplessness that had coerced his mind into an odd paranoia. But to think that Sarah - his Sarah - would even be capable of ruining his friends, with himself included? It was ludicrous. Sarah knew how to protect the people she cared about – and god knows, she knew how to keep a secret.

  
  


The moment slips into his head, unbidden, as it so often does.

It had been one in the morning, and they had all been running around campus. In the first weeks of school they all had too much energy – it hadn’t been beaten out of them, yet. They hadn’t been pushed to the brink of physical exhaustion – from runs and hikes and mental duress.

Now, it was a select few, like the Pogues, who still had the energy to fuck around after lights out. In the first few weeks though, it had been mayhem.

The dorm raids had been continuous. JJ had put Pope’s bed on top of the unit roof four times in a week – the boys had flipped nearly every single girl out of their bed on one night or another. Four people had been caught out and expelled. All in a matter of weeks.

It had been one of those nights, and they had been on their way to L Unit for a dorm raid – planning to flip the girl’s mattresses, and steal their tuck boxes – because they were growing boys and constantly hungry. And constantly nuisances.

He had been running across campus, ducking out of the view of teacher’s windows, laughing aloud like they weren’t at risk of anything – because they hadn’t been, then. God knows they couldn’t expel the whole school.

He’d been paused, hidden behind the science blocks, checking for a clear coast when he had seen her. She’d looked – absent. Like she wasn’t a part of the world in that moment. Her hair was loose, and it fell across her cheeks where her head was tipped towards the ground. She was perched on a rock, in the cluster of them that ran behind the back of the science blocks. The position was entirely out of sight of anyone, except him.

She’d looked calm, and slightly sad, but the moment had felt so terribly private – like he wasn’t supposed to be there, looking at her, at all. Despite that, he didn’t look away.

He had to slow his breathing consciously, trying to lessen the noise he was making. But she saw him anyway. She must have heard him – or sensed him. Who knows, really. But all of a sudden, she was looking straight at him, where he was draped in darkness against the wall.

Neither of them had said anything. She’d thrown him a soft, lopsided smile, in a _here we are_ kind of way – it had felt like comradery – like being out, after dark, together, was enough to bind them in some way John B hadn’t really understood in the moment. 

Of course – like every moment – it had broken. There had been a muffled shout from one of the other boys, one trail over, and John B had stepped away, taken off to join the others, and it was gone.

  
  


Two nights later, he’d found himself back there – just to see if she was there again – because maybe, just maybe, she was a creature of habit. 

She was. And she had smiled at him, that same soft, amused smile. And that had been enough for him – he’d kept going back. She was always there when he did.

  
  


JJ, and Kie, and the rest of them, were all going to be just fine, for the here and now, at least. Sarah would protect what was hers, and everything that entailed, John B was certain of it.

  
  


JJ is spread out on his bed when John B steps back into the unit, his head hanging off the side so the blonde ends of his hair are sweeping the floorboards. The upside-down view of John B amuses him, briefly.

“Hey man.” He says, swinging up and around until he’s sitting like a normal person should on a bed. “Where you been?” They shouldn’t, technically, be in the unit, but John B and JJ have never really payed attention to any of those boundaries. They should, technically, be in class. But JJ was already written up for a det tomorrow morning, and the day after that they were hiking, so he wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of skipping until after the weekend. “You missed a terrible science class this morning – we dissected a bull’s eye.” JJ actually did attend science, because Ms Robinson scared the shit out of him.

“Sounds cool.” John B responds, only vaguely engaging.

“It wasn’t – we cut into it and it squirted straight into Pope’s eye – he had to go to the nurse and have it flushed out.” JJ cracks a smile then, remembering Pope yelling like a mad man. “Okay – I lied. It was a brilliant class. Man, it was really fucking funny. You shoulda seen him.”

John B lies down on his own bed, hardly responding. His legs and arms are spread as wide as they can be in such a narrow single bed – there’s a rumour, with a lot of truth to it, that Rivers has their beds specially made, just narrow enough to be ridiculously difficult to fit two people in – the running joke is you don’t need contraception if you have a Rivers College bed – the bed in itself is enough.

And yet – JJ’s managed to fit girls in his bed, as have most of the boys, under the covers after lights out. They’re all aware how gross that is, realistically. But they’re young, and they’re at the equivalent of military camp where the most privacy you can get is the thin veiling of a duvet – and they take what they can get. A narrow bed can only prevent so much.

“Yo, dude – are you right?” He asks, when he gets no response to his Pope anecdote. Leaning over the end of the bed to get a look at John B’s face, he watches as John B’s head dips forward and up again willing himself to stay awake. “Bro – what’s going on?” JJ asks again, unsure whether to just let him go to sleep instead of annoying him. He opts for annoying him. “Why are you so tired?”

John B looks at him, eyes loosely focused. “Um – because we were up until four thirty in the morning. And I didn’t sleep until five – I feel like that _just_ about covers it.” John B responds, his voice heavy with sarcasm.

JJ nods, understandingly. He had taken a nap during morning chapel, out of sight in the back pew. “Yeah that checks out man – but, why didn’t you get to sleep until five? I was knocked out by like four thirty.” It had been a weird, lonely walk back to the unit without John B and Pope last night, after he’d left them at their tent.

“Kie came to see me.” John B explains, stretching slightly and slipping further down his bed, until he’s stretched flat.

JJ’s chest gets a little tight – a little heavy. “Kie- Kie came to see you?” He asks confused. His voice comes off a little tight – a little too rigid for his usual self. John B seems too tired to notice though.

“Yeah- after we’d dropped her off, she came back up to my tent.” John B has slipped into absent minded conversation, his eyes fully shut as he continues to talk.

“What did she- um. What did she want, like?” JJ knows John B isn’t looking at him – doesn’t even have his eyes open, but he can’t help giving his shoulders a shrug – schooling his features into an _I don’t really care though_ expression. Because – he doesn’t care. Kie has the right to – well. Kie has every right to be whoever she wants and be with whoever she wants. It’s all her call. JJ has absolutely no say in the matter, and realistically shouldn’t have an opinion. He knows that.

Nevertheless, the thought of Kiara, in a tent with John B, makes him suppress a shudder. As much as he knows – knows that Kiara would be better off with John B, his mind can’t shift his instinct, which is that Kie with anyone would be so, so wrong. JJ doesn’t delve too far into that feeling.

“She was freaking out man – all tense about Sarah Cameron, and trying to protect you, and then I spent the morning attempting to- uh, reason with Sarah – which, let me tell you, she is not an easy girl to like, reason with.” John B rambles along, prompting a frown to fall on JJ’s face.

“Trying to protect me?”

“Yeah – from Sarah. Because Sarah knew it was you in the dorm – and Kie thought she was going to tell and she was terrified you’d get expelled and have to – well. I mean, she was worried you’d be sent home.” John B never was very good at tactical language, of saying the thing without saying it. Not like JJ. JJ learnt the importance of language so early on – they say it’s a side effect of an abusive parent – kids develop nearly overly sensitive social skills – able to pinpoint the shift in a tone of voice, in an expression. It’s always allowed JJ to read people like an open book, and to talk with a scary level of ease, even in the toughest of circumstances. He’s not proud of it, or thankful for it. But it’s how he is.

It doesn’t stop him saying stupid shit regularly, sadly. But it does stop him being caught off guard when someone becomes angered, or upset, with seemingly no warning. JJ’s always been able to spot the warnings.

“Oh.” JJ responds, slightly delayed. They both know exactly what John B’s not saying. That the cost of JJ being sent home would be so much more than the rest of them – that his dad would flip his shit. And JJ would have to deal with the consequences. JJ brushed the thought aside – if he didn’t think about it, it wouldn’t happen. “Well, thanks. For um- for dealing with Sarah. And Kie, I guess.”

John B just nods, eyes still closed. JJ watches as John B’s breath steadies out, chest rising and falling softly. His hands slowly uncurl out of the loose fists he had them in. JJ wants to ask more – to ask why Kie would go to John B for help – and not Pope. Or him. But JJ lets him sleep – god knows none of them get enough of it.

  
  


Pope’s making his way past the library, on the way back from the nurse, who assured him four times that he couldn’t get mad cow disease from a bull’s eye juice (a phrase Pope desperately wished he hadn’t heard used quite so many times today) when he catches sight of the freshly posted det list. The bright yellow paper rarely doesn’t have at least one of the Pogues’ names, so Pope has taken it upon himself to check it each day. He has assumed full responsibility for ensuring all of the Pogues show up for their dets – partially to attempt to salvage what’s left of their academic transcripts, partially to prevent any of them incurring more for missing them.

He’s entirely unsurprised by the appearance of all of their names on the det board – they had, after all, collectively skipped third and fourth period yesterday. God – yesterday feels a million years ago – as does the last time Pope slept.

If it weren’t for the idiocy of his friends, he would be well rested with a perfect transcript – but sadly someone has to follow after them, and at least attempt to be the voice of reason. It’s a hard job, and not everyone can do it. He’s considering resigning, one of these days.

Sighing at the knowledge that he will once again be losing hours of sleep, in order to get up at 5.45am for his det, he’s about to walk off when Sarah Cameron’s name catches his eye on the list. What could the Kook Princess have done to get a detention? Pope is fairly certain she’s able to talk her way out of anything – she’d been suspended once, to his knowledge, but other than that – the majority of the teachers here don’t tend to like to dole punishments out to the prestigious names unless they don’t have a choice.

Brushing the thoughts aside, he heads back up the trail to his unit, to inform the boys of the bad news. The one thing Pope didn’t mind about dets – or any of the punishments they received, really, was that they tended to receive them together. And as long as it was all the Pogues – it was quite enjoyable. And, as a loop hole none of the teachers had really figured out just yet – it meant the boys actually got designated time to spend with Kiara, where they weren’t hiding on chapel roofs or in abandoned units to avoid being caught. Being with Kiara – relaxed, in open spaces. It was some kind of comforting – so Pope couldn’t really complain about the early mornings, or the sleepless nights of mischief with the Pogues.

But not tonight; there would be no night time shenanigans if they all have to be up by quarter to six tomorrow, that’s for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh and there you go.
> 
> Spoiler alert: Night time shenanigans ensue despite the dets. Poor logical Pope will never understand his hooligan friends.
> 
> But there we go - as promised, as teased, as dangled like a carrot to encourage kudos and comments; I give you Jarah B. I love them.
> 
> Kudos, comments etc are my lifeline. If you would like to further ensure the continuation of this fic, that's probs the best place to start. Alternatively, if you are tempted to check out [my Tumblr blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatjohnd), or would like to [reblog my fic post](https://thatjohnd.tumblr.com/post/621178977318584320/new-chapter-of-ignored-neglected-is-now-live), you are wholly encouraged to do so.
> 
> Lots of love darlings, I'll be seeing you in the not so distant future,  
> L xx


	6. You're here with me now in the darkness and that's enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya my lovelies,
> 
> I don't have a tonne to say for this one. All good things come to those who wait, I guess. But in this house we love and respect Jiara and Jarah B, so they're receiving equal support of course.
> 
> Plenty of chapters have been written, so the next few updates should be fairly smooth timeline wise.
> 
> Lotsa love to you all for all the comments, kudos, messages, reblog etc etc. Keep them coming! I adore them. They make me want to give you the entire fanfic right this very second (if only it was ready). As it is, the more you guys chat to me, interact with me, the more it makes me want to write.
> 
> All the love, speak soon,  
> L xxx

Kiara leaves at quarter past ten for the Pogues’ evening shenanigans. Sarah lets her go this time, without a warning, without even a word. No one came for her this time, Sarah notes, not JJ. Not Pope. Not even John B. She just slips out of bed of her own volition, and is out the door, leaving only silence in her wake.

  
  


Pope’s pacing outside of E unit, waiting for Kiara.

“She should have been here five minutes ago – what if she got caught?” He says, for the third time.

“Pope – for the eighty billionth time, _you’re_ gonna get caught if you don’t get your ass in here.” JJ calls out the window of E unit, watching with an amused expression. “She’ll get here when she gets here – she’s a smart girl, she’s not gonna get caught.”

Pope doesn’t say anything to that – she _is_ a smart girl, there’s no doubt about that. It doesn’t stop him being concerned – like any _good_ friend would be. _JJ_ , Pope thinks decidedly, _is not a good friend._.

When Kiara’s shadow, thrown by the moon, appears at the edge of the building, Pope takes all his frustrated thoughts back. He’s just happy to see her.

“You’re late.” He says, in lieu of a greeting. He’s not sure why he does that.

“Oh where would I be without my personal alarm clock?” She asks, pressing a hand to his cheek in a patronising faux fond gesture.

“Probably even later.” He responds, letting her hand stay there a beat longer than strictly necessary. When JJ’s voice floats out from inside the darkness of E unit, he shifts his head, Kiara’s hand falling away with the movement. She’s still looking at him, her eyes blending beautifully with the darkness of the night. Pope’s always hated how Kiara looks at him – there’s an intensity to it he doesn’t know how to combat, how to evade. “Let’s uh- JJ and John B are inside.”

“Give me a hand?” She asks, stepping past him and along to the open window. Her perfume slips by him in the night air, going so quick he barely catches it.

“Yep.” He answers, and turns to follow her. She reaches her arms up, grasping at the edge of the windowsill as he puts his hands on her hips, fingers leaving indents in her bare skin where her t-shirt has slipped up. He tries not to think about it as he lifts her gently up into the air, and she slips through the window.

He pulls himself up immediately after, checking she’s out of the way before he drops onto the hard wood floor of the unit. Taking stock of the room, it takes him only a moment to see Kie, already leaning against the headboard of a mattress-less bed frame, JJ sat next to her. Pope doesn’t think about it.

“See? Told you she was just running late.” JJ says gesturing from Pope to Kie and back again. He’s already got a joint rolled. JJ’s always had a skill for rolling the fattest joints Pope’s ever seen.

“I’m just saying – it doesn’t hurt to be concerned.” Pope says defensively, tilting his head back to lean against the interior section of the windowsill. The air inside and outside is still stifling – he can’t remember the last time he actually felt cold. The window at least creates a slight funnel for the wind, creating the illusion of a cooling breeze.

JJ’’s flicking his lighter on and off, briefly illuminating the room. “Well, _I_ appreciate your concern.” Kiara says, smiling wide at Pope, the expression oddly distorted by the light of the small flame.

“Speaking of concern-”John B pipes in from where he’s sitting in the frame of the window, back against one side and feet up against the other, hanging half in, half out. Pope can’t help think it’s a risky move, considering that side of E unit overlooks the majority of the other units and teachers’ housing. Sure – he’s just a shadow in a window – but it could be enough, if someone was looking. “I spoke to Sarah Cameron.”

Kiara’s whole body shifts at the words, and she seems to cave in towards JJ’s frame, looking past him towards John B. “And?” She asks, impatient.

“She’s fine – she’s not gonna talk.”

“What, it was that easy?” Pope asks. John B had filled him in on the situation earlier that evening when he’d returned to A unit. He hadn’t said anything definitive – had simply said he’d ‘dealt’ with her, which had given Pope mild murder kidnapping vibes at the time.

John B doesn’t respond straight away – staring out at the night like there’s actually something there to be seen.

“Yeah – I mean. She was like – irritating, about it all. You guys know how she is. But she agreed, eventually, not to say anything.”

“What made her agree?” Kiara asks, letting out a trail of smoke from the joint she’s stolen from between JJ’s fingertips. JJ gives a light protest – barely even pretending to be annoyed.

Pope’s debating asking for a hit, but – well. He tends to go spacey, and he’s already spacey enough from his lack of sleep.

“Um- I uh, threatened to like, turn in Raife, for drugs. Did the trick pretty well, essentially.” John B answers. Pope’s beginning to wonder if John B had taken a few hits of the joint before he and Kie had arrived inside the unit, his pattern of speech oddly disturbed, shifting even as he spoke.

“Not a bad plan – anyone who does drugs should totally be expelled. Shame it would dry up your business though, hey?” JJ says, complementing his satire with a long drag, the tip of his joint glowing a brighter orange as he draws in the smoke. Kiara shoves him in the chest.

“Idiot.” She mutters, but there’s no heat behind it.

“Yeah – yeah exactly.” John B answers. Pope frowns.

“Bro are you like – spacing or what?” He asks bluntly, head tilting as he tries to piece together what’s going on.

“What? Me?” John B answers, for the first time actually turning his head to face them all. “Nah man – I’m all good.” He pushes himself off the ledge then and moves to sit down on the floor next to the bed frame JJ and Kie are sitting on. Taking the joint out of JJ’s hand, he takes a long pull.

“Can everyone _please_ stop doing that.” JJ mutters, tone cranky as he holds his hand out, demanding the joint back.

“JJ – that’s not even your weed.” Kiara points out, amused. The darkness hides their forms slightly, but Pope thinks Kie has her leg’s tangled with JJ’s, from the way she’s tilted in towards him. “It’s John B’s.”

“It doesn’t matter whose weed it is Kie, it’s about what I’ve done with it. I am the master joint roller – therefore, the masterpiece belongs to me.”

Kie giggles at that, laugh sounding out just a little too clearly for Pope’s anxiety’s liking. “You’re talking absolute shit, you know that?”

  
  


The joint’s long burnt out, the roach discarded through the slats of the bed frame, despite Kie’s protests. They’ve all gone quiet, eyes getting heavy. JJ’s happy though, lying there, head tipped to the ceiling. He’s not sure when they slid down from the bedhead, until they were lying flat against the wooden slats of the frame. It’s not as uncomfortable as he would have expected – and Kie at some point has brought her head to rest on his chest – breathing slow and steady. He can’t help the gesture in the darkness of the abandoned unit. He lets his hand slip into her hair, twisting the soft curls around his finger, again and again.

John B’s sitting on the floor still, tipped forward and staring at his shoes. He’s high as a kite. Pope, seemingly all too aware of his sobriety, is sitting straight backed against the wall, staring into nothing.

JJ wants to move, wants to stand up, and find his way back to an actual bed, where his shoulder blades don’t get jammed between the empty space between wooden slats – but he can’t bring himself to wake Kie, can’t bring himself to shift her off him, to tell her to go back to her unit.

So he puts it off, letting himself feel the soft puffs of air against his collarbone from Kie’s breath, letting himself feel the brush of her curls against his forearm, the comforting weight of her head, pressing against the centre of his ribcage. It was moments like this he never quite knew what to do with – because how, how could this be something he got to have? How was there not something just around the corner, to take this all away from him? It was always there, in the back of his mind, that he didn’t deserve this kind of comfort – this kind of peace. There had to be something, always something, to take it away.

Which is why, when John B stands up, stretching slowly and then giving his shoulder a nudge, JJ’s not surprised.

“C’mon man – time to head back. We can’t fall asleep here.” John B says, only to glance down and see Kiara, already asleep, tucked close into JJ. In the darkness, JJ can’t tell if he’s imagining the shift in John B’s expression or not – is it surprise? Or something – calmer? Something like acceptance? JJ stops analysing it when John B moves away, walking over to Pope.

Instead, he removes his hand from Kie’s hair, running it up and down her arm instead, trying to wake her as gently as possible. She wakes slowly, shifting once, twice before she slowly sits up, blinking, attempting to get her eyes to adjust to a light that isn’t there.

“Sorry. We gotta- we gotta head back.” JJ murmurs softy, his tone so very apologetic.

She nods, slowly, still coming back to this world. From one moment to the next, she detaches her body from his entirely, standing up and carding a hair through her own hair, smoothing it down and back from where JJ had tousled it. Kiara’s ability to go from soft to a force to be reckoned with in seconds always shocked JJ. He didn’t have that same steady control she had, that Pope had. He’d never had even a semblance of emotional control.

He watches as Pope slips out the window first, followed by Kie. John B glances back at him, waiting for him to get off the bed and join him at the window.

The moonlight’s lined up with the open window, and he can see a hesitation in John B’s expression – he’s considering saying something – what though, JJ doesn’t know.

“You know man,” John B begins in a low voice, clearly having made his mind up to voice his thoughts. “I think – I think you two would be good for each other – I think you probably need each other.”

JJ could play dumb – could ask John B what the fuck he’s on about – what he’s smoking. But the look in John B’s eyes – a calm surety, stops him. There’s such sincerity in his words, it makes JJ’s voice catch briefly in his throat.

His voice comes back to him by the time he’s crossed the room. “Yeah – I mean. Maybe. That’s up to her though, you know? I’m not – I’m not going to ask anything of her. I’m a lot to get yourself into, if you’re not wholly willing.” He means it, too. If Kie - if she wants something - and JJ cannot deny that there’s a little something in him hoping she does – she has to come by it naturally. It has to be entirely her choice. Because Kie – she’s so many things. She’s kind, and loyal, and if she thinks JJ wants anything from her – anything at all. She’d probably give it to him – because it’s in her nature. She wants to give her friends the world, even if it’s something she’s not entirely ready to give. And JJ can’t have that. He only wants her if she wants him, wholeheartedly. Because he can’t be responsible for damaging Kie with a twisted version of love that isn’t entirely real.

John B’s expression shifts into something sad, and JJ can’t stand to look at it. Before John B can continue the conversation, or say anything consoling, JJ grasps the window sill, pulls himself through and drops the few feet to the red dirt below.

  
  


Kie and Pope are there, below the window, waiting. Pope has an arm slung casually around Kie, surprisingly at ease considering they’re standing in open space – exposed.

When John B’s feet hit the ground too, they begin their walk back to A Unit. They don’t walk Kiara home tonight. Apparently, their gentlemanly nature comes and goes – probably not to be trusted.

Instead, JJ watches her shape disappear into the darkness of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anddd here we are. Forgive me for these self-indulgent scenes. JJ makes my heart ache.
> 
> Send me all your thoughts, feelings, questions etc. Keep those comments coming. Keep the kudos coming. They make my heart less achey after writing sad JJ.
> 
> Here as usual is a very funky lil link to [my Tumblr blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatjohnd), feel free to come follow, chat, ask questions etc, I'm fairly active there at the minute, or if would like to [reblog my fic post](https://thatjohnd.tumblr.com/post/621334002572443648/new-chapter-of-ignored-neglected-is-now-live), I'll love you forever and we can be best friends.
> 
> Once again, lots and lots of love.  
> L xxx


	7. Your arms stop my heart from caving in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my lovelies,
> 
> Oh, it feels good to type that again. This chapter has been ready and patiently waiting for a while, my apologies for keeping it from you. This is one of my favourite chapters written so far, so please enjoy!
> 
> I am love, love, loving all your lovely comments and kudos, and everyone who's messaged me on my Tumblr to tell me they're enjoying this fic. It's overwhelming. Keep them coming.
> 
> I have finally, finally, finally, replied to all your comments. Reading them all over again made my heart swell to like, ten times it's normal size. Especially everyone who has left a comment on nearly every chapter - I see you. and I love you for it. 
> 
> George - our truce continues. Your move.
> 
> So much love,  
> L xxx

It’s one of her bad insomnia nights – some nights, she manages a fitful sleep, but the past few nights, Sarah’s barely slept at all. She’s midway through attempting to sleep once more, tensing each of her muscles one by one only to relax them. It’s a trick that hasn’t worked for months but, well. She’s got the time.

Kiara comes back at half twelve, moving slowly like she’s half asleep on her feet. She brings the scent of the night air with her, and a lingering smell of weed that tells Sarah exactly who she’s been with.

She climbs straight into bed, acting on auto pilot as Sarah watches on, silently. Every single one of those Pogues must be so sleep deprived they could almost get on her level. She thinks of John B that morning, dark circles under his eyes. What they all really needed was a nap.

Kiara drifts of quickly, hardly even moving to get comfortable before she falls still. Sarah’s relieved – it’s a lot easier to be a hypocrite when no one’s there to witness it. Leaning back against her pillows, she prepares herself to wait the next twenty minutes, until she can hop out of bed and find her way up to the unit.

Her peace is interrupted though by repeated tapping at her window. The noise is light but persistent, and it causes Bella to stir slightly in the bed next to her. Frowning, Sarah slides back her covers and hops out of bed, crouching at the window to look out.

There in the moonlight, is exactly what she expected. John B, just below the window frame, holding a hand full of tiny rocks, which he immediately drops when he sees her face at the window. She can’t help but replicate his smile on her own face. Reaching for the metal latch she flicks it upwards, gently sliding the window up so it hardly makes a noise.

“Are you crazy?” She whispers, looking down at him. His face is only a few feet below hers as he grins up at her.

“Grab your fire blanket and some shoes.” He instructs, completely ignoring her question. She rolls her eyes, but obeys none the less. She grabs her pink hoodie, throwing it over the grey pyjama shorts and singlet top she has on, and reaching for the woollen blanket that is mandatory to have at the end of each bed in every dorm. She can’t help the excitement in her chest – she has no idea what John B has in mind, but she doesn’t even care – she just loves to be around him, whenever she can. She tugs her converses on, not bothering with the laces and then heads back to the window.

John B’s leaning against the side of the unit below the window, and Sarah tosses the blanket down over him without warning. He lets out a startled noise which is immediately covered by the blanket.

“Thanks for that.” He mutters as he tries to get the blanket of him. Sarah just chuckles softly, sliding feet first out of the window and dropping to the ground. She leaves it unlatched so she can get back in later.

“Hi.” She whispers at him when her feet are firmly on the ground and she can get her bearings.

He rocks into her, almost on instinct, until his face is inches from hers. “Hi.” She’s about to kiss him right there when he pulls away, picking the blanket up from where it had dropped to the ground and beginning to walk. “You better catch up, Val. We’ve got a mission to accomplish.” He throws over his shoulder.

She rolls her eyes, but follows after him. When she reaches him, walking shoulder to shoulder, she slides her fingers down the inside of his forearm until he links their hands.

The night air is warm, and the stars are bright overhead. There’s silence across the whole of the campus, and the paranoia she usually feels when she’s out roaming at night isn’t in its usual place at the forefront of her mind. Instead, she feels like they’re completely alone, for the first time. Even walking in the open space, she feels completely at ease by his side, with the warmth of his hand against her own palm.

“You know – coming to get me entirely defeats the purpose of telling me to meet you at E Unit, you know that right?” She asks, letting him lead her up the path towards the abandoned unit.

“Yeah but – I don’t know. I wanted to come get you. Plus, I really like watching you climb out windows.” He says cheekily, voice lowering. She laughs lightly, tapping his shoulder in mock rebuke with her free hand.

“Creep.” She responds.

“You love me.” He says, tone lilted with a teasing humour. Sarah doesn’t deny it.

The unit stands entirely empty, and it gives Sarah a hollow feeling she can’t exactly trace, can’t understand.

“Is it open?” She asks, looking at him in confusion. John B smiles, secretive.

“For us it is.” He walks along the row of windows, selecting one seemingly at random and leaning up to slide the window open.

“You set this up on purpose, just to get me climbing through another window.” Sarah accuses, walking over to him.

“You can’t prove anything.”

“Oh, I absolutely can.” She retaliates, but he just hushes her, dropping the blanket before wrapping his arms around her waist and lifting her up, easing her through the window.

The unit is – eerie. So this is what all the units would be like, if they weren’t filled to the brim with chaotic students. She looks around at the mattress-less beds, the bare shadowed walls.

When the blanket is tossed through the window, followed by John B, she turns to him, grinning. “This is perfect.” She whispers, and she pulls him in, feeling his warmth against her. Her hands run up his arms, over his shoulders. His muscles shift under her touch, as his hands move to settle on her waist.

“I thought you’d like it here. Just us.” He says, and she nods in agreeance, fingers trailing into the hair at the nape of his neck. She’s waiting for him to kiss her. “I um- I need to talk to you, though.” Is what she gets instead. Her brow creases, and she takes the slightest step back.

“Yeah?” She can’t stop the apprehension slipping into her tone, her fingers flexing nervously against his neck.

“It’s not – it’s nothing bad. I just promised Kiara that I would.” He’s trying to pull her back in, but the moments broken. She lets her hands fall and steps away entirely, sitting down on the edge of the closest bed frame.

“Oh. Well, if you promised _Kiara_.” Her sarcasm’s thick, and she can see even in the darkness John B pulling a face in response.

“Don’t be like that.”

“Like what?”

“Jealous.”

“I’m not- I’m not jealous. I just – I don’t get what the appeal is with her. All you boys just walk around after her like puppies in love and she’s just – she’s not that cool.” Her frustrations are ungraceful, and poorly worded, and she knows it makes her sound like a bitch. But she can’t shake her annoyance with Kie, with the way she acts like she’s better than every single one of the other girls in their unit, and she can’t see why John B never sees that side of her. John B moves from where he’s standing in front of her, and comes to sit beside her, reaching for her hand. She gives it to him, reluctantly, and he tucks it between both of his, resting them on his own knee.

“Hey. Do you see Kie here?” He asks gently, trying to placate her. It won’t work.

“No. But she was here, wasn’t she?” She makes the connection fairly smoothly – Kie walking in the unit door, smelling like pot, and John B at her window, not ten minutes later. John B drops his head, whether in frustration or defeat, she’s not sure.

“Yes. She was. As was JJ. And Pope. And if I recall correctly, her and JJ were curled up together on that bed-” he gestures to the bed in the opposite corner, “and Kie was asleep on his chest.” He lets his words sit in the air for a moment, and Sarah feels the embarrassment unfurl in her stomach.

“Oh- I didn’t-”

“And that’s why Kie asked me to talk to you. Because she wants to protect JJ.”

“Yeah that makes – that makes sense.” She says softly, meekly.

“Listen- I don’t really know what we’re doing here – but I figure that whatever it is, we’ve been doing it long enough for you to – for you to know I wouldn’t do that to you. I wouldn’t do anything like that to you.” John B’s voice is low and slow, and he’s not looking at her, he’s looking at their hands, his thumb running slowly back and forth over the ridge of her thumb. Her heart swells just looking at him, his hair falling across his forehead, the line of his jaw sharp in the darkness.

She doesn’t know what to say, so she doesn’t say anything at all. Instead, with her free hand she reaches up, and palm to cheek guides his face to hers, kissing him deeply, trying to throw her emotions at him without words. He leans into the kiss, but he lets her maintain the control, letting her kiss him exactly how she wants to.

When she pulls back, just slightly, he presses a gentle kiss to the tip of her nose. _I know_ it seems to say. Sarah smiles, her entire expression soft for him.

“Okay. What did you want to talk to me about?” She says, resetting, wanting to get whatever this was out of the way.

John B hesitates, just briefly, coming back to the conversation. It’s then that she realises he’s lightly buzzed – the smell of pot should have been enough for her to know, but it’s his slow slow voice, the pace with which he’s moving, that she notices now.

“I need you to not say anything, to anyone, about JJ. Or Kie.”

“What? About them being together? You literally only just told me then, why would I-” She began in confusion. Maybe he was higher than she originally thought.

“No.” He cuts in, and then catches himself. “But also don’t tell anyone that either – because that’s not technically even true.”

Sarah can’t help the amused smile spreading on her face, watching him talk himself in circles.

“I meant- about the other night. When JJ was in your unit, and Kie and him snuck out.”

“Ohh, okay. Gotcha. No problem.”

“It’s just really important – because if JJ gets expelled he’ll be in all sorts of trouble, because his dad’s awful, and Kie will lose her scholarship and probably won’t be able to get another one- and they’re my friends and I don’t want-”

Sarah cuts in, putting a hand over his mouth. “I said, no problem. I won’t say anything.” She says, letting her hand fall away. “Stop stressing.”

John B lets out a heavy breath and throws her a sheepish smile. “Sorry – for some reason I thought that was going to be more difficult than it was.”

“Yeah no kidding.” She says, laughing lightly. “Listen, I’m not going to say anything, I wasn’t ever going to. I’m also not stupid – I know JJ and Kie weren’t running around on their own. And I don’t exactly want you expelled too. That would be counterproductive to my interests in this mission.” She shifts into their running joke, and John B’s tentative smile turns into a real one.

“Can’t compromise the mission now, can we Val?”

“No, we absolutely cannot. And I tell you what, I’ll even talk to the other girls. Make sure any of them who noticed something won’t say anything, okay? They won’t cross me.” She’s right, the girls in her unit would be stupid to go against her. She may not like it, she may not feel fully comfortable in the role, but she’s one of the most influential girls on campus; her reputation as a popular bitch precedes her, no matter how often she wishes it didn’t. It’s one of the reasons her nights are so precious to her, especially her nights with John B. There’s nothing following her, no expectations chasing her down.

“Thank you.” John B tells her, voice soft and gentle and so genuine it makes her heart flutter.

“Any time Vlad.” She answers, and then pauses, hesitating. “I don’t- um. I don’t want you to think I meant all those things about Kie – I like that you guys are all close, and good friends. And it’s good she has friends. I just- she’s tough to talk to. And I feel like even when I try to be nice, or whatever, she doesn’t take it that way. So it’s hard to like her.” She attempts to explain herself, feeling that she owes it to Kie and to John B to explain her irritation. He just nods, contemplatively.

“Yeah. Yeah I think I get that – Kie’s… well, she’s a tough egg to crack, you know. But it’s just because she feels out of place with you guys. I actually think you’d quite like her, if you gave her a chance and vice versa.” Sarah has to refrain from rolling her eyes. The chances of Kie every giving her a proper chance are essentially zero. But it’s sweet John B thinks it could happen.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sure you’re right.” She says, bringing the line of conversation to a close. The silence of the night encompasses them, and they sit, unmoving. It’s a luxury Sarah had forgotten existed, to sit in peace at night, without the fear of being caught, of having to jump up and run from a teacher at a moment’s notice. No one would find them here, she was certain of it. There was no reason at all to look here.

The silence is interrupted by John B yawning, and Sarah turns to look at him, face fond. “When was the last time you slept the night through?” She asks, concerned. She’s certain it’s been far too long.

“I could ask you the same question.” John B responds.

She chuckles softly. “Having insomnia and being the walking embodiment of chaos are very different things, John B. Only one of them is a good enough reason to not sleep.”

“I don’t want to sleep though. I just want to be here with you.” Even as he says it, he’s shifting on the frame, moving until his back’s against the head board, letting his grasp on Sarah’s hand fall away as he shifts. “Don’t want to go back to the unit.”

“Well – you got me to bring a blanket for a reason didn’t you?” She asks, standing up to collect it from where it had been forgotten by the open window. She reaches up and pulls the window shut before picking up the light blue blanket.

“Sleeping wasn’t the intended use-” John B begins, looking wholly mischievous.

“Don’t.” Sarah cuts him off, holding up a finger in warning, knowing exactly where he’s going with it. He grins, unswayed. _Smug little fucker_. She walks back over to him slowly, and he reaches out to her where she’s standing by the bed, pulling her in by her hips, slipping his hands under the hem of her hoodie to touch bare skin.

“You can’t waste a perfectly good bed, Val.” He says, faux persuasive.

“That is not a bed. That is a wooden frame, idiot.” She argues, but her fondness shows through, and she leans forward, setting down the blanket and letting him kiss her.

He’s always so incredibly gentle with her, pulling her closer with these tiny tugs on her hips until she’s stretched next to him on the bed frame, happily receiving multiple little kisses.

John B sighs softly, running a hand through her hair and shifting until she’s lying on top of him, elbows resting on his chest, hands cupping his face, tracing the line of his jaw. She’s not cold – she hasn’t been cold since she arrived on this godforsaken campus. But there’s something about the warmth of him that she can’t help trying to get closer too.

“This still isn’t sleeping.” She murmurs, when his hands slip further up her back.

“Did I say it was?” He asks against her lips. She giggles soft and breathy, and John B swallows the sound.

“False advertising.” She murmurs, and kisses him again.

John B tugs the blanket up, over Sarah’s bare shoulders before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She’s curled up against his chest, and he can feel her intentionally breathing slowly, calmly, trying to lull him to sleep.

It’s one of those things that makes his heart cave in, just a little, for this girl in his arms. Because she’s the one who has chronic insomnia, and yet of course she’s concerned about him, and his sleep schedule. Her compassion surprises him, still.

“You’ve got a det tomorrow morning too, right? He asks softly, drawing patterns against her back over the blanket. She hums softly in confirmation. “Are you going to be able to sleep here?”

“Yeah – hopefully. Keep rubbing my back and I might nod right off.” Her voice is already sleep-heavy and far away. John B smiles, his hand never slowing its movements.

It was a trick they’d learnt a little while ago, by accident. It had been a particularly bad few weeks for Sarah, and she had been on the verge of delirium. They had snuck up onto the chapel roof at three in the morning, and she’d looked so delicate – on the verge of breaking. Her cheeks had been gaunt, paper thin dark circles under her eyes. It had been the first time John B had fully understood what the insomnia was doing to her – and how hard she had to work to hide it.

They’d sat down on the roof, looking up at the stars, and Sarah had simply fallen into him, letting him fold her into his chest and hold her there.

It hadn’t taken long for her to drift off then, much to John B’s surprise. Apparently, it had been enough; feeling safe, secure in his arms. When she’d woken, three hours later to the sun rise, she’d looked human again. So much brighter, even for those few hours of sleep. John B hadn’t slept a wink that night, terrified he’d loosen his grip on her in his sleep, and she’d slide down the side of the steep roof. She’d trusted him, to hold her safe, and he had been determined to keep that trust.

Watching her, eyelashes brushing the tops of her cheeks, face slack with a peaceful sort of exhaustion, he’d decided he’d keep doing it. Keep giving her a place she could sleep. Where she could feel okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... what did we think? That's two chapters full of teen angst and love in a row - don't say I'm not good to you all.
> 
> I'd love to know all your thoughts in the comments - Who's your favourite? Jarah B? Jiara? What makes them your favourite? Literally all your thoughts, throw them at me darlings.
> 
> As always, comments, kudos, reblogs, smoke signals, seven page double-sided love letters written in fountain pen ink, love notes written in margins of secondhand books... they're all my lifelines. I'm an addict. Keep them coming.
> 
> And, last but not least, here is the lil link to [my Tumblr blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatjohnd), feel free to come follow, chat, ask questions etc, I'm fairly active there at the minute, or if you would like to [reblog my fic post](https://thatjohnd.tumblr.com/post/621899729090084864/new-chapter-of-ignored-neglected-is-now), I'll love you forever and we can be best friends.
> 
> Have I told you all I adore you? No? Well. it's true.  
> Endless love,  
> L xxx  
> 


	8. If we run and run the world might not catch us.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya loves,
> 
> It's me. Back at it again. I have nothing to say for myself and the delay on this chapter. My only personal defense is that I am an imperfect person (thanks Grey's Anatomy for that golden excuse).
> 
> I just.... ugh. can't thank you all enough. for the words. the love. the kindness. makes me happy. makes my writer brain continue to work.
> 
> George, no angst in this one. I've called a time out (for this chapter and this chapter only). Enjoy the brief reprieve, it won't last long.
> 
> That is all from me. Next update is already written and will be up in the next few days, depending on how loved I feel. (Just kidding.... that would be blackmail.... unless...?)
> 
> All the love my darlings.  
> L xx

Sarah wakes to the sound of John B’s watch beeping right by her head, where his arms are wrapped tight around her. The beginnings of the sunrise are filtering in through the unit windows, the light figments dancing along dust suspended in the air, giving an almost sparkling effect to the room. She’s happy here. So, so happy.

She sighs contentedly, shifting slightly to look up at John B. “Hi baby.” She murmurs, the endearment spilling out of her mouth in her sleep hazed mind.

He’s looking back at her, eyes heavy. There’s an imprint of the band from her ponytail on his face, where he’s had his cheek pressed to the top of her head the whole night through. She giggles softly at the image, reaching up to rub gently at the outline.

“You slept.” John B says, and there’s a palpable happiness in his tone.

“Yeah. Yeah, I did.” It takes her a moment to process this, to realise she’s just woken up from more than twenty minutes sleep, and she’s woken up feeling fresh and happy, with no trace of grogginess.

John B, on the other hand, is squinting at her, still half asleep. He looks like a disgruntled cat. Gently he gives her shoulder a squeeze, somehow pulling her closer for just a moment. “We’ve gotta go.” He says it in that way he says anything he doesn’t want to say – like the words are being forced out of him.

“That’s okay. We’ll be back.” Sarah says to him, promising herself as much as him.

John B shifts out from under her, and reaches down to grab her hoodie off the floor, always a gentleman. He finds the rest of her clothes as well, and glances down to give her a moment to put them on. Sarah supresses a laugh at this odd act of chivalry.

When she’s dressed, she slides out from under the covers, watching as John B pulls on his own t-shirt, and his black hoodie on top of it. It feels like watching him put a different self back on – ready for the world once more. She steps up to him, tilting her head up and back so she can kiss him softly. It’s not much – just a hello, good morning. But she wants to carry the feeling with her for the rest of the day.

Before they go, John B kicks up a floorboard, stashing the fire blanket underneath it. Sarah would to have to report her missing blanket, but it would be worth the telling off she’d cop from her unit head. She couldn’t bring herself to care, as long as they got to come back here.

Outside of the abandoned E unit, John B kisses her gently before they go their separate ways, with just enough time to sneak back into their units and change before their det.

It’s way too fucking early – and Kie’s alarm’s way too fucking loud when it starts going off. Early morning detentions should be illegal.

She groans quietly to herself, listening to the sound of Sarah hopping lightly out of bed. Morning dets mustn’t even be a punishment for an insomniac – all it does is cut their ten-hour period of boredom a little short. If anything, it’s probably a welcome reprieve.

The thought makes Kie hate Sarah even more – well. Maybe she doesn’t hate her, not really. But she’ll hate anyone when it’s this early.

All around her, the girls are still sleeping. The air has that stale sleep smell the room always has in the mornings, from fourteen girls sharing each other’s space. Kiara can already feel the sweat at the nape of her neck – the night did nothing to break the heat that’s been around all week. If anything, it feels more oppressive, but it also may be the grey morning light making her feel pressed in on all sides.

Sarah’s pulling on a sports bra as Kiara finally forces herself to swing her legs out of bed. She strips out of her pjs easily and efficiently, throwing on a tank top and some running shorts – not so different from the pj shorts and singlet top she’d slept in, really.

She appreciates this, surprisingly. The comradery of the early morning, of getting dressed in silence, but together.

Maybe it was the early morning making her vulnerable and needy, but she is tired of feeling lonely – of the feeling only ever abating when she’s with the boys. She has semi been looking forward to heading to her det with Sarah – just the company is enough.

John B had said he’d sorted everything with Sarah – and she believed him. He was very forceful when he wanted to be, and she could only assume he would have had zero qualms telling off - or even threatening - Sarah in regards to staying quiet. And if he’s managed to keep her quiet, then Kiara has no issue with her anymore. Because JJ is safe, and the rest of her boys are safe, and that’s enough.

She glances at Sarah, who is already looking at her, standing at the end of her bed, ready to go. She nods towards the door, and they move together in silence, stepping out of the unit’s front door and pulling on their running shoes before heading down the path to the front of the library.

There’s no one else there yet, despite the two of them only being two minutes early. Kie’s unsurprised – the boys have never been early for anything in their lives. Preparing to wait in a continued silence, she leans back against the side of the library, watching the clouds shift in colour as the sun slowly comes up.

Sarah, it seems, has other ideas. “Kie?” She asks softly, and her voice is low, still heavy with sleep.

Kie debates answering for a brief moment, but she turns to her and inclines her head in a simple _go on_ gesture. Sarah takes the instruction. “I um- I just want you to know. I wasn’t ever going to say anything about… you, and JJ– I just – I just want you to know that.” She says it awkwardly, kicking at a rock next to her foot, not making eye contact.

Kie takes a moment to respond, trying to decide whether to maintain the uncaring approach she always took when it came to Sarah, or to actually be nice, for once. Maybe, _maybe_ , Sarah is actually being genuine.

“Yeah – well. I couldn’t take the risk, you know.” Kie selects remaining cold and uncaring. It’s safer – it’s always been safer. The tension in Sarah’s shoulders doesn’t ease.

“Yeah – yeah. I get that. I just- you don’t need to worry any more, okay? You’ve got my word.” She glances up on the last sentence, making direct eye contact with Kie, holding her gaze steady.

_Does a Kook Princesses’ word really mean anything, though?_ Is on the tip of Kie’s tongue, but she bites the comment back. Sarah is making an effort. There’s no need to be a bitch. “Well – thanks. I um- I appreciate that.” The attempted gratitude sounds robotic instead, and Kie is endlessly thankful that the boys appear in view at that moment, bolting down the steps of the path, cutting it excessively fine. Luckily, the teacher on duty is yet to have shown up.

“Morning boys.” Kie says good naturedly, almost entirely forgetting Sarah’s presence and throwing them a lazy smile, gaze catching on JJ. He smiles back at her, expression softened by sleep, blond hair rumpled. Her heart gives an odd little pulse that she can’t bring herself to think too deeply about. Her thoughts are diverted, thankfully, by the sight of John B, not far behind them.

“Kie.” John B says, throwing her a salute. “Sarah.” He makes eye contact with Sarah, but he doesn’t give her a salute like he does Kie. Instead, his gaze shifts away from her again almost immediately. Sarah barely even nods towards him in recognition.

The tension between them is evident, and based off the iciness of their interaction Kie can only imagine the things John B said to Sarah the day before to ensure she kept her mouth shut about JJ. It’s no surprise they’re not up for interacting today.

It’s an odd moment, standing there in the still of the morning, in their little makeshift group. Sarah sticks out like a sore thumb, John B knows it. She looks too… proper, really. Despite being sleep rumpled, with her blonde hair scraped up into a messy ponytail, she still looks too rich for them.

John B’s struggling to supress the urge to sneak looks at her. The length of her legs, the curve of her shoulder, the blush of her cheeks. She looks just a little bit golden, in the light of the slowly rising sun. Even the glint of sweat across her collarbones, adds to her odd little glow. It’s hard to resist the desire to step towards her, to touch her bare shoulder, to flick a strand of hair off her cheek. He decides it’s best to not look at her at all.

“So… what did you do Princess? Finally run out of the luck of your birth?” JJ asks, directing the question to Sarah. It’s good natured, teasing but not intentionally cruel, despite the harsh assumptions undercutting the question. John B can tell Sarah’s recognised the complexity of the question, her shoulders tensing as she turns to JJ.

“I skipped a class. Sadly Daddy’s lawyers wouldn’t take the case.” She says, voice dripping sarcasm, but smiling serenely. John B supresses a chuckle, covering it by pursing his lips and frowning. Pope does laugh though, voice sounding out lightly over the others. Sarah’s expression is self-satisfied when JJ cracks a grin as well. Kiara’s face remains unchanged.

It doesn’t surprise John B that Kie’s still icy to Sarah – the fear and panic Kie was in the other night doesn’t just dissolve, despite John B telling her it was all going to be fine now. The Pogues are everything to Kie, and John B isn’t sure she’d ever get past the feeling that Sarah was a threat to that. He hopes she will – but there’s currently no reason to actually _believe_ she will.

It’s in the brief moment of laughter that Dicko himself shows up, clearly on for today’s det duty. “A meter apart, please Ms Cameron, Ms Carrera.” He barks as introduction when he rounds the corner of the library. John B’s fairly certain if you got a ruler, the girls couldn’t be less than ninety-five centimetres away from any of the boys, but Dicko doesn’t let a rule be broken. Ever. The girls both take a decisive step back, away from them. “Thank you. Right, you all know the drill. Up Jacken’s track and back again. I’ll follow in the four-wheel drive. Don’t slack off or you’ll run it twice.” The instructions are basically barked out – John B is fairly certain Dicko wanted a career in the military, but was forced to settle for this instead. He was eternally trying to make up for it.

Dicko walks off then, without another word, headed for behind the library where the white land rover sat to the left of the dirt road that cut through campus.

The air’s already thick with heat and is only going to get thicker. They glance at each other briefly – it’s time to go.

“Let’s do it.” JJ says, nudging his shoulder against Kie’s good naturedly. JJ never had cared less about the one metre rule, but even he knew to wait until Dicko was entirely out of sight before breaking it. Kie smiles at the touch, briefly caving into JJ’s presence before bending to tighten her laces. John B catches Sarah’s eye, to see if she’s noticed the interaction as well. She shoots him a knowing smile.

Kie takes off first, legs moving in long strides as she heads down the Rivers College driveway – headed for Jacken’s track, the designated path for their unconventional morning detentions. JJ and Pope take off straight after her, until it’s just John B and Sarah still standing there. John B touches her arm gently.

“Hey.” He says softly.

“Hi.” Sara responds, matching his tone.

“Missed you.” John B says quietly, and he knows it’s sappy as well, that he’s whipped, plain and simple. But her face in the early morning light makes him unable to resist telling her.

Sarah rolls her eyes at him straight away, but her small smile makes it worth saying.  
She reaches out to give his hand a quick squeeze. “Let’s catch up – they’ll be too far ahead soon.” Is all she says before taking off. John B watches her running for a moment before he follows her. The sound of the four-wheel drive behind him urges him on.

The freedom of running feels entirely reminiscent of their time running up Mount River, and if it wasn’t for Pope, matching his pace right alongside him, and Dicko following a little way behind in the land rover, JJ would have reached out to clasp Kie’s hand once more – acting on a weird impulse he can’t fully find the source of. He never has had good impulse control – good thing Pope acts as a natural impulse control.

Regardless, he can’t resist glancing over at Kiara every now and again. Her hair’s come completely loose from where she’d knotted it in a bun on top of her head, and her soft curls are falling in wild strands behind her, the wind picking them up to play with them as she runs. She’s letting out soft puffs of air as she goes, her cheeks flushed pink from the heat, a small relaxed smile on her face.

Kiara notices him watching, and he immediately shifts his attention back to the stretch of red dirt road in front of them.

John B and Sarah are a good two hundred metres behind the other three. He’s matching her every stride, despite Sarah knowing he’s much faster than she is, and could easily catch up with the others if he wanted to. She doesn’t want to tell him to go ahead though; especially when he looks the way he does when running, muscles shifting with ease as he jogs, the fabric of his t-shirt shifting with the wind enough to reveal his chest every now and again. Sarah refuses to acknowledge it, even though she’s fairly certain he’s letting his shirt do that intentionally.

They run in silence, with just the sound of each of them breathing and their feet hitting the dirt road. Up ahead, Sarah sees Kie, JJ and Pope reach the perimeter fence, and come to a stop.

John B and her reach them soon after, and Sarah pauses to catch her breath, sweat trickling down the back of her neck. The temperature has climbed by five degrees just in the time they’ve been running, and she can already tell the rest of the day is going to be sweltering. The only good thing about early morning dets is that they get to somewhat escape the peak heat of the day when running.

They don’t speak, all taking the brief reprieve to catch their breath, before Dicko slams his hand down on the horn from the comfort of his car, urging them to start moving again. 

“No rest for the wicked.” JJ mutters, rolling his eyes before he starts moving. Kie huffs lightly in agreeance.

They turn for home and John B starts matching pace with JJ and Pope, and as they begin to run, she realises Kie has ended up matching pace with her, only a metre back from the boys. She’s not entirely sure if it’s intentional, but she’s a little too nervous to glance over to check – instead she keeps her eyes focused steadily on the road in front of her, allowing for this brief show of companionship from Kie to exist uninterrupted.

They continue to run, an odd group of five silhouetted against the early morning sun.

Arriving back outside the library, sweaty and out of breath, the small group pauses for a second, grinning at eachother. The white land rover continues on to be parked behind the library, now utterly caked in red dust from the track. Why the school would choose white as a car colour for out here, Pope will never know.

As much as they all hate dets, Pope has to admit it’s a pretty good way to start the morning, once it’s done. Their endorphins all kick in, and they all end up feeling okay for the rest of the day, as long as they don’t get heat headaches, which is actually relatively likely today, considering the suns already hot and it’s barely above the mountain’s tree line yet.

“How long until breaky?” Kiara asks, directing the question towards him while she’s bent over slightly, trying to catch her breath. Her curtain of dark curls is moving with the light breeze as her chest rises and falls.

Pope glances at his watch. “We’ve got a half hour, plenty of time for a shower.”

“I can’t even be fucked showering – we’re only going to be sweating again within ten minutes.” JJ comments, pulling his shirt of his sticky skin dramatically. Sarah wrinkles her nose at the suggestion.

“Please _god_ take a shower.” She says, tone filled with repulsion. JJ just laughs, amused. Pope’s always amazed at JJ’s ability to not take anything personally, ever.

“For you Princess, anything.” JJ says, mock flirting. Kie and Pope roll their eyes simultaneously at each other, and Pope has to supress a smile.

“Right! I for one am going to have a shower.” John B cuts in, shoving JJ’s shoulder gently in the direction of their unit.

“Hold on man, hold on.” JJ says, putting his hands up to block the movement. He takes a step in, beckoning them all in with his hands in mock theatrics. Kie steps as close to the other three as she dares, knowing they’re not the only ones awake anymore, and that Dicko could pop around the corner at any minute.

Sarah maintains her distance. Whether it’s out of fear of being reprimanded a second time in one morning, or the fact she knows she’s not entirely welcome in their group huddle, Pope’s not sure.

JJ keeps his voice low when he begins talking. “We’ve got a tradition to uphold. We’re leaving for our hikes this afternoon, which means we’ve got some planning to do. Period 3, E unit, yeah?” JJ asks, and his face reads pure mischief.

Pope frowns slightly. He really can’t keep skipping classes – he’s up to a tally of seven classes skipped in the last fortnight. If he keeps going like this, he’ll lose his scholarship. But so will the rest of them- and to be honest, he’d prefer to lose it with them, than for all of them to lose it and he to be still here, alone, missing them.

“Bring the maps John B.” Kie adds in, and Pope can’t help but wonder how she already knows what JJ’s up to. Perhaps they’ve pre-discussed it, privately, alone. Pope shoves the thought out of his mind. They’re friends – they’re all friends. And good friends. It’s how it goes.

John B nods, seriously. “Yes captain.” He murmurs, before stepping out of their little makeshift circle. “See you then, Kie.” He says, before he turns to head up the steps, glancing back briefly to throw a stilted wave to Sarah. You could cut that awkward tension with a knife. Pope finds himself wondering just what John B could have said to Sarah that would have been so bad he couldn’t look her in the eye now.

“Bye boys!” Kie calls as they head up the hill, and Pope turns a full circle to throw her a smile. She returns it, big and bright and never ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was a little bit of housekeeping, I'll admit it. But as per usual, the Pogues have more shenanigans in store, because why wouldn't they? The fun thing is that from now on, Sarah just might perhaps possibly maybe be a part of them.
> 
> Also this is your slightly forceful friendly reminder that **I love comments, kudos, messages, general admiration etc.** Additionally, due to a few queries I have recently set up a[ buy me a coffee page](https://ko-fi.com/thatjohnd), for anyone who is interested. Thanks a million to those who suggested it, I owe you my heart.
> 
> As per usual, imma leave a funky little link here for [my Tumblr blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatjohnd), feel free to come follow, chat, ask questions etc, I'm fairly active there at the minute, or if you would like to [reblog my fic post](https://thatjohnd.tumblr.com/post/622633560583634945/new-chapter-of-ignored-neglected-is-now), you will receive a package in the mail that is marked fragile, and it contains my heart. You're welcome.
> 
> I adore every single one of you.  
> Endless love,  
> L xx


	9. This anger in my chest is burning bright, you didn't have to set it alight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi my loves,
> 
> I'm back at it again with the emotional bungee jumping. Let's do this. It's a wild chapter, buckle up.
> 
> As always, I adore you all. I adore talking to you, answering your questions, messages, smoke signals, telegrams, morse codes, and general drawings in the sand. Keep them coming, and I'll keep the words coming. Good deal?
> 
> George - I'm within the rules. No one said I couldn't tear the Pogues apart internally... just kidding. maybe. Love you.
> 
> Alex - welcome to the slightly manic party love. You probably won't have a good time. I guarantee nothing but a lil bit of pain. but I love you for being here.
> 
> As always, sit back, relax, and enjoy the show. I'll see you again soon.
> 
> All my love,  
> L xx

The first two classes take far too long to finish, so by the time it’s third period Kie nearly bolts up the side of the mountain to E unit.

It’s more difficult to escape in the middle of the day, the broad daylight putting them in full view of anyone they pass. But Kie makes it, taking a few back tracks that wind up further past E unit, and then doubling back down into what is classified as “boy town”. According to Dicko, there’s no reason a girl should ever be in boy town, the section of the campus that has all the boy’s units, so Kie knows if she gets caught at all, even if she’s not in the abandoned unit, she’ll be in for it.

Luckily, the boys are already there when she reaches E unit, and Pope leans out the window, grasping her hand firmly in his and pulling her up off the ground so she can scramble through the window. Her foot catches on the ledge, and she sprawls onto the floor, entirely ungraceful and giggling.

“Well. Hello Kie.” John B says, laughing at her own incompetence. She laughs too, and allows Pope to pull her to her feet so she can quite literally dust herself off.

“John B. Boys.” She greets. They’ve all changed out of their running clothes, and are now back in their blue collared shirts and grey shorts, the school uniform. Kie in turn is wearing her blue school shirt, and short cut kilt. It’s almost cruel to have to wear these in the height of summer, which is precisely why all of the boys have their shirts almost entirely unbuttoned, bare skin showing.

“Right. Now that Miss United States has entered the room, shall we get down to business?” JJ asks, taking a poke at her lack of grace. Kie rolls her eyes but takes a seat on the floor, folding her legs underneath her.

John B has his hike map out. It’s an old version, all sprawling faded lines, and it lacks the specific grids and ley lines that their versions all have. But there’s a reason Kie asked him to bring _his_ map. It’s for the annotations.

John B brought his dad’s old Rivers College map, and it’s covered in red ink, circling all sorts of hidden places – there’s waterfalls, and caves, and keyhole views that overlook the entirety of the high country. They’ve made it their mission to get to as many of them as possible.

Last hike had cut straight past a hidden waterfall, and they had all ditched their hike groups for four hours to cut through to find it. The memory of the sparkling blue water, such a contrast to the red dirt and dried out bush that surrounded them made Kie smile. Finding these hidden places was their way of escaping Rivers, for just a little bit.

To date, they were yet to have been caught abandoning their hike groups, something that was essentially considered to be a cardinal sin by the Rivers College faculty. Luckily, the boy’s hike group was fairly lawless, and none of them were snitches, so they let the boys disappear fairly easily. Kie had the bonus of being near invisible in her hike group – she’s fairly certain the girls are actually grateful when she disappears in the middle of the hike. She doesn’t like to think too much about that.

“So what’s on the agenda for this one?” Kie asks, knowing John B will have already planned it out. Sure enough, he gestures to a small green line he’s inked onto it.

“This one’s going to be a bit of a challenge, Pogues.” He begins, and they all grin. None of them have ever been dissuaded by a challenge. “It’s going to be straight bush bashing from Governors to Eagle’s Peaks – there’s no track.”

“But what’s in it for us?” Pope asks, following the script they always do when planning these adventures. Kiara can’t help the grin on her face. Hikes are her favourite – hours of time with the Pogues, and no consequences until they get back to campus.

“Ah, you see – there’s a Keyhole – at the top of Eagles Peaks. It’s too small to take our packs through, and we may not make it, but the story goes there is an epic view on the other side – you can see the entire south-west side of the high country, as far as the eye can see. Beware though, the track there is steep.” John B says it all with a conspirator’s tone, facial expressions entirely dramatic in that way he always does. Kiara lets out a giggle before they crowd around the map for further instructions.

“Okay. So our hike notes for this weekend say we’re cutting up to Rivers Saddle, and down to Sheepyard Flat. And from there, it’s up Eight Mile Spur, and there’s a logbook at the top of that before we hit Governors. So I’m thinking we save ourselves the hike up Governors, and instead, we split at the logbook when everyone’s stopped, and we bush bash south east till we hit the Eagle Peaks trail, then head up. If we move fast, we’ll be able to intercept the group on the other side of governors – it’ll be like we never left.”

Kie sits back on her heels, nodding her head to the instructions. It’s fairly straight forward – actually, it’s quite possibly one of their less ridiculous escape plans, if she really thinks about it. Minimal risk, minimal disruption. It should be fine.

Pope, apparently, thinks otherwise. “Bro – that’s like – that’s thirteen kilometres of bush bashing. Uphill. There’s no way we can do that quicker than everyone else can climb governors.” His tone is worried, but it’s always this way. They seem to go over the exact same conversation every time. Pope tells them they’re crazy, utterly mental. But tomorrow, at Eight Mile Spur, when he sees them all beginning to gather at the back of the groups, he will join them. He always does. Pope’s the most dependable person Kiara knows, and she adores him for it. Predictable, steady. He wouldn’t know how to be irrational if he tried.

“So what man – if we’re running behind time we’ll just run the second half of it.” JJ responds. JJ, on the other hand, is entirely capable of irrationality – in fact, he excels at it.

“Goodluck running it with a twenty-five-kilo pack JJ.” John B adds, clearly amused, voicing exactly what Kiara’s thinking.

“Eh, it’ll be fine.” JJ says, waving a hand through the air, brushing away their objections. “We’ll be fine. Have we ever not been fine, really?” He tips backwards, moving to lie flat on the dusty floorboards of the unit. His head hits the floor with a dull _thunk _. In a moment that moves too quickly for Kie to compute, his head is continuing down, past the floor, blonde hair disappearing inside the gap the loose floorboard is creating, one side going down while the other goes up. JJ lets out a startled yell as his head tips, before scrambling up again.__

__Pope and John B lose it, laughing relentlessly._ _

__“What the fuck – why are there so many fucking loose floorboards? That’s a safety hazard!” JJ exclaims, incensed. Kiara starts laughing at that as well._ _

__“Oh yeah – you’re one hundred percent right. The faulty gas lines, no problem. But a loose floorboard? Bulldoze it!” Pope manages to get out in between laughs. He’s got a hand over his stomach, and is tilted back, face broken into a full smile. The expression catches Kiara’s attention for a moment – he looks so full of joy._ _

__“Well the gas lines didn’t assault me, did they?!” JJ exclaims dramatically. Kie glances towards him, a response on the tip of her tongue, when she notices something._ _

__“Wait – what the?” She begins, before she’s crawling towards JJ. For a brief moment she’s directly over him, hand braced beside his head as she reaches down to the crevice the floorboard was covering. JJ barely moves as she pulls out the blue fire blanket, and then she shifts away from JJ to sit next to him, bringing the blanket with her. “Whose is this?” She asks, running her fingers over the fabric, searching for the edge with the label._ _

__All the boys have stopped laughing, looking at her. Pope and JJ look confused, and curious. John B’s face is entirely unreadable as he watches her._ _

__“Is it not one of our fire blankets?” JJ asks, and Kie shakes her head._ _

__“No- I mean, I don’t think so? It’s not mine.” She asks, looking around at the boys for answers. They all have similarly blank faces. It’s then her fingertips find the tag sewn in that all of their blankets are required to have, so they know the owner. She flicks it out to glance at the name, and then takes a second, closer look, surprised. “What. The fuck?” She says, more drawn out, before she’s rising to her feet. This doesn’t feel like a sitting down situation. “Why the fuck would Sarah Cameron’s fire blanket be hidden in here?”_ _

__Pope stands too, stepping forward to see the label with his own eyes. His brow creases when he sees the name for himself. “But- the doors locked. I didn’t think anyone else could have been in here.”_ _

__JJ and John B remain quiet, watching the two of them._ _

__Kie’s mind is racing, trying to figure out when Sarah could possibly have been here, and what she would have been doing here._ _

__“John B.” Kie says, turning to face him fully. He looks up at her, a questioning look in his eyes. “You said you talked to her, right?” She asks, cautiously. John B nods stiffly._ _

__“Yeah – I spoke to her like, yesterday. And I told her not to tell anyone – and that um- like I told her that if she told anyone I’d turn her brother in.” He pulls himself off the floor, walking over to Kie. “Why- why do you ask?” His voice is slow, as though he’s attempting to piece it all together as well._ _

__It’s then it all clicks into place for Kie._ _

__“Because-” She hesitates. She knows it’s going to sound ridiculous, flat out mental, this accusation, but she has to say it. “I don’t think she’s dropped it. I think she’s spying on us, still. Probably like, gathering evidence or whatever.” She says, and now that she’s said it, and all the boys are looking at her like she’s grown a third head, she can’t stop herself from continuing. “Come on boys, think about it. This morning, she was the only one in ear shot when she heard us say we were going to meet here. She probably snuck up here before we were here, to see what she could figure out. And she like stood back from the group to make it seem like she wasn’t listening- but she clearly was! And – oh my god. She had a det this morning too, for skipping class. She was probably skipping when we were, too. She probably followed us to the chapel, to see what we were doing.”_ _

__“Kie-” John B intercepts, his tone tolerant but patronising. He doesn’t believe her. She twists, pacing the floor, carefully avoiding the loose floorboard._ _

__“No – John B think about it. Why else does she keep showing up where we are? Why else would she have been awake when I came home the other night – like she was lying in wait?”_ _

__“She is an insomniac, Kie.” JJ chimes in, but he sounds slightly doubtful. Maybe she’s convincing him, even a little. She can see it all now, and she’s so sure._ _

__“So? Insomniacs still sleep, just not all the time. She should have been asleep by then. You guys have to admit, she’s been showing up far too much lately – and she’s had it out for me from the beginning. This is the only explanation – she’s been spying. She’s been stalking us until she has enough information to expel every single one of us!” She’s getting louder now, and she tries to tone her volume down, but she’s too upset. She stops pacing and sinks down to the floor, putting her head in her hands. “Holy shit – we’re all going to be expelled. She knows enough – more than enough, to have us expelled. It’s like she’s just making sure she has every piece of evidence she possibly could.” Her chest is rising and falling a little too fast, and it’s then she feels Pope’s hand on her shoulder, gently rubbing it. Her hysteria is far, far too reminiscent of two nights ago, when she’d showed up at John B and Pope’s tent._ _

__“You know... I don’t like it- but Kie might have a point.” JJ says quietly. When Kiara glances up at him, he’s staring at the ground. John B is staring at JJ, incredulous._ _

__“Are you serious man? Do none of you trust me? I told you I’d sorted it with Sarah, okay? Just, fucking trust me guys.” His tone’s as angry as Kie’s ever really heard it. It’s not loud, but there’s a quiet seething to it that Kie can’t fully trace the source of._ _

__Pope clears his throat uncomfortably. “We do – We do trust you, man. It’s just – I mean. Why else is her blanket here? Kie’s right – she is the only one who could have overheard us talking about this place. And- she does seem capable of it, if I’m being honest. I mean, we know JJ gets on her nerves. You said so yourself you threatened her a day ago. She doesn’t like Kie. The motives are all there.” Not for the first time, Kie is immensely grateful for Pope’s methodical approach to everything in life. It makes her feel less crazy. She twirls a strand of her own curls around her finger, tugging on it as she thinks._ _

__“I just- I don’t get what she’s waiting for. Like I know she’s vindictive as fuck – but what more does she really need? We’ve broken nearly every rule in the book and she knows it.”_ _

__“Maybe she’s… maybe she’s waiting for the final nail in the coffin. To ensure we’re expelled, not just suspended or something.”_ _

__Kie stops mid-thought to look at JJ. Because she knows exactly what he’s saying. “What – she’s waiting for one of us to have sex?” She asks, disgusted. It’s the only rule at Rivers that has a permanently determined punishment. Every other punishment depends on a case by case basis – no one ever really sure if it will get them expelled or internally suspended. But Rivers College has been clear from the very beginning – you have sex on campus, and you will be permanently going home._ _

__“Guys – come on, that’s sick. That’s fucking twisted.” John B says, and his entire expression is agitated. His hands keep flexing and unflexing, over and over again. “No one’s that- no one’s that cruel.”_ _

__“Are you sure about that John B? Because she planted a blanket here – for what? So we would find it. So hopefully, maybe, one of us would use it.” Kie says, becoming more and more sure of herself as she speaks. “Holy shit – Sarah Cameron, what a scheming bitch.” She says, tone becoming fully astonished. _The audacity_. To think they had just been becoming friends – well. Not even friends, but comrades, at the least, and now she’s realising it had all been a rouse. _You have my word._ Yeah, right. _Fucking liar.__ _

__John B has a hand tugging through his hair, clearly frustrated. “You know what Kie, I can’t- I can’t listen to this shit anymore. You’re being ridiculous. Come talk to me when you’re thinking clearly again.” He says, heading for the window to exit through._ _

__Kie frowns, unable to understand why John B can’t see what she’s seeing. “John B- just think about it. It doesn’t make sense any other way.” She’s near pleading – for some reason, John B’s beliefs have always carried the most weight in their friendship group, and if he doesn’t believe her, it will simply be a theory that gets swept away in a few days. But Kie can’t let that happen – she can’t risk JJ. Or Pope. Or John B. Or herself. She needs them all here, and she needs to be here. She needs her best friends more than she’ll ever admit to their faces._ _

__John B doesn’t stop though, doesn’t even falter, slipping over the window ledge and out of sight._ _

__Kie turns to Pope and JJ, looking for confirmation. “I’m not being crazy, am I? this makes sense?” She asks, searching their faces. Pope nods almost immediately, but JJ takes a moment. Kie can only assume he’s been slightly influenced by John B._ _

__“I think you’re probably right. It seems to be the only logical explanation.”_ _

__“But…?” Kie prompts, sensing his hesitation._ _

__“I just don’t know that she would do this. I’m not certain she has it in her – she’s like, she’s a very sweet girl. Like even today at detention, when I was having a dig at her, she handled it so easily. And calmly. I just can’t imagine her going quite this crazy, just to have us expelled.””_ _

__“Yeah – well she was thinking how easily she was going to get back at you for that comment, of course she was calm. Fucking psychopath. Pope said so himself – she has the motives, for all of us.”_ _

__“She doesn’t have a motive for Pope.” JJ says quietly, but she can see him wavering._ _

__“Collateral damage is a possibility.” Pope pipes up, and then they’re all standing there, in a little circle, looking at each other, letting the gravity of this sink in._ _

__“Shit.” JJ breathes. “So what do we do?”_ _

__“What can we do? Nothing. She’ll tell or she won’t – it’s out of our hands.” Pope says, fairly confidently. Kie shakes her head._ _

__“No. No – not happening. We confront her. We make her see sense, or reason, or whatever. I don’t care what we have to do – she’s not winning this.” Kie says, determinedly. She’s not going down without a fight – it’s not in her nature. She looks to JJ – it’s not in his nature, either._ _

__JJ looks steadily back at her._ _

__“I’ll back you. All the way.” He says quietly, and Kie can’t shake the warmth that comes with his words._ _

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo.... what did we learn from this chapter? Don't ~~keep secrets from your besties~~ hide things under floorboards it's far too obvious. Many a confiscated iPod was found that way back in my day.
> 
> Get ready for all hell to break loose in the next chapter - not to like, give it away, or anything.
> 
> Formal apology from me, to Kie and Sarah. Sorry about your demolished friendship.... I'm sure it will come back. Maybe.
> 
> Anyways... enough authorial commentary - none of you want that anyways.
> 
> Now, this is your loving reminder, lovingly typed, embodying only love, that I adore comments, kudos, messages, general admiration etc. And... here is the link for my[ buy me a coffee page](https://ko-fi.com/thatjohnd), for anyone who is interested in, well, buying me a coffee. Thanks a million to those who suggested it, I owe you my heart.
> 
> Here is my usual groovy lil link to [my Tumblr blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatjohnd), feel free to come hang out for as long or as short as you wish. Also, If you would like to [reblog my fic post](https://thatjohnd.tumblr.com/post/623393725360603136/new-chapter-of-ignored-neglected-is-now), I'll lose it for 0.2 of a second out of sheer joy.
> 
> Now my loves, I bid you adieu. Till next time (and there will be a next time in the very near future).  
> Love,  
> L x


	10. My heart is only ever calm when you're holding it in your hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya loves,
> 
> It's me again! Sooner than usual!!! I got a bit excited to post, if I'm honest, so here I am.
> 
> I don't have a lot to say this evening... brain has been written away entirely... there is nothing left. Keep the comments, kudos and love coming, it restores my brain cells one by one.
> 
> George - bungee. Jump. etc. Love you.
> 
> Alex - there are raunchy times coming. at some point. promise. for now, enjoy some angst.
> 
> Love to you all, I adore you as always.  
> L xx

There’s a storm rolling in when John B exits the window – the whole world still feels desert dry, but the electricity is in the air, and he can feel the static on the back of his neck. An electric storm is fairly common at this time of the year – but it doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous. The whole of Australia’s a tinderbox – a lightning strike could burn it to the ground right now.

He looks up to see dark clouds rolling in, the sky going dark despite it being just past noon. He’s not naïve enough to believe there will be rain.

As he makes his way down to the science blocks, preparing to wait for Sarah to be let out of biology to meet him, a routine they’d established long ago, his mind keeps travelling back to Kie.

He ducks behind the blocks, out of sight, and sits down. It’s a moment he needs – to catch his breath, to steady the anger in him.

He has to keep reminding himself Kie’s not in the wrong – no matter how terrible the things are that she’d said about Sarah – all those utterly awful things she was accusing her of. But it’s not Kie’s fault. She doesn’t know, and that’s on him, not on Kie. If she knew, if she understood why that blanket was there, why she can stop believing Sarah’s a threat – it wouldn’t be like this. And John B wouldn’t feel like he was being pulled in two different directions. He wanted to tell Kie, over and over, that she was safe, that everything was okay. But he can’t say that and make her believe him, not without explaining how he knows that. And he can’t jeopardise Sarah like that.

The first roll of thunder sounds out above him, and the sound seems to reverberate off the tin roof of the science blocks. The storm’s coming, and it’s coming now.

He has to keep reminding himself why he’s doing this – why this secret has to be taken to the grave. Because the only way to keep a secret is to never tell anyone. John B knows that. Sarah knows that. Even right at the beginning of all of this, they knew that.

_“Do you think – do you think what we’re doing here is crazy?” Sarah asks, eyes tipped to the sky behind the science buildings, lying back against the gentle slope of the incline, tucked under John B’s arm._

_“Yes.” He says, without hesitation. He’s been tracing his finger along her shoulder and across her collarbone and back again for the past half hour._

_“Oh, answer faster.” She says, jokingly, before her face goes back to serious. “I mean it – we’re going to get expelled, aren’t we? It’s only a matter of time, right?” Her tone is so sure, but also so trusting. She’s laying her fears bare for him, allowing him to confirm or deny. He knows, unquestionably, that whichever he chooses she’ll believe._

_“Maybe.” He says, contemplatively, and he tilts is head slightly, letting his cheek drop against the top of her head, feeling her there. Solid. Present. “It doesn’t have to end that way though.” It’s a wish more than a surety – a hope._

_“How could it not?” More hope. “Rivers always finds out eventually – someone slips up. Someone gets caught.”_

_She’s right, is the thing. There’s been students who have broken a rule in first term, and it was found out four months later and they’d been expelled. Rivers has never implemented a statute of limitations._

_“People only get caught when they talk, Val. When they tell their friends, or make a joke about it. If we keep everything right here, between us – we’ll be okay. I’m sure of it.” He had said, not even close to sure of it. But it was the safest way – the only way, really. Rumours die in silence, as do wrongs committed._

_“I don’t want it to be like this.” She said, quietly, and it felt like a confession he wasn’t meant to hear – because they weren’t there, yet. They were still just two people, spending time together. But he had heard what she’d meant any way_ I want to say your mine. I want you to say I’m yours. _There was nothing John B could do about it though, without ruining everything in one quick motion. So, instead, he tilted her chin up, and kissed her gently. Hoping it would be enough, for now._

There still isn’t anything John B can do about it. He has to let this play out – he has to let Kie say these terrible things. He has to agree, really, even if it makes his skin crawl. He has to know that his best friends believe Sarah is capable of such things, and pretend _he_ believes Sarah’s capable of it. Because he can’t - they can’t - afford the suspicion that will come if he doesn’t back Kie in this, at least falsely. To protect Sarah, he has to stop protecting Sarah.

His hair has gone static – whether from the electricity in the air, or his hands running through it repeatedly, he’s not sure. But he’s steadied himself now, and he’s made up his mind.

It’s just as he’s looking at his watch, wondering why Sarah isn’t here yet, when it’s been five minutes since the end of third period, that the thunder claps truly roll in. The sky, dark, is sporadically lit up by shocks of lightning that cut through the air. It’s almost eerie, how quickly the campus has changed. How fast the storm has rolled in.

He tips his head back, to watch, happy for a moment to watch something out of his control – that will happen no matter what he does. But there’s noises, coinciding with the thunder claps. There’s a yell – a second one. He knows the voice – and he’s up and moving by the time the next bolt crosses the sky.

“ _’You have my word’_? Do you spout that bullshit to everyone or should I feel special?” Kie’s voice carries around the building, and John B’s moving faster – not entirely sure what he’s going to see when he rounds the corner.

“Kie, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Sarah’s voice is panicked, and when they come into view, he can see why. Kie’s far too close to Sarah, and as he closes the distance between them, he sees her raise her arms, shoving at Sarah’s shoulders roughly.

“Kie! What the fuck!” John B yells, running forwards. He’s between the two of them before Kie even reacts to his presence, and Kie’s fists are slamming against his shoulders instead of Sarah’s. He doesn’t shift with the blows, standing steady, but he moves his hands behind his back, letting them rest on Sarah’s waist for a moment before pushing her stunned form backwards, away. To anyone watching, it looks like a rejection, but he knows, she knows, he’s just getting her out of range.

And there are people watching – it takes a moment for John B to realise it’s Pope and JJ who are standing watching the interaction. _Why the fuck would they let her get like this?_ For the first time, he wishes Kie wasn’t such a force.

“Kie – what are you doing?” He keeps his voice level, trying to calm her down, but he can tell she’s past that – her shoulders are heaving with anger.

“What am I doing? I’m doing what you wouldn’t!” She exclaims, and it’s the first time Kie’s hatred has been angled directly at him. Her eyes are blazing, and her curled fists hit his shoulders again. He’s not even sure she’s trying to move him – he thinks she may actually just want something to hit – something to feel. “Why aren’t you doing anything? Why don’t you _care?_ ” She asks, and her voice breaks on the last word, hurt and anger and desperation rolled into it. John B catches her wrists in his hands, encircling them so she can’t move them, despite her efforts.

Another roll of thunder hits, and John B throws a look to JJ, who is standing back, arms folded, watching this take place. Pope’s mimicking the stance. Both are frowning slightly, but neither look like they’re even close to intervening.

“I do care! I do care, Kie! But this isn’t necessary – it’s not the way to do it, okay? Are you trying to get us all in trouble?” He asks, trying to reign in the urgency of his tone. He’s hyper aware that this is too public – that he technically shouldn’t even be standing this close to Kie. If any other student, or teacher, walks by, they’ll be calling far too much attention to themselves.

“No you don’t! You don’t care that she’s an actual psychopath – if you did, I wouldn’t have to be doing this!”

He feels Sarah move behind him, taking a step closer to him. “Kie! I don’t understand what the fuck’s gotten into you – I don’t know what the fuck you’re on about, but I haven’t done anything!” Sarah counters, defensive. He’s torn between keeping a hold of Kie, and letting go of her so he can signal to Sarah not to engage. He opts to keep hold of Kie – sensing he’s probably going to need to. But god, does he wish Sarah wouldn’t say anything. He wishes she would walk away. But it’s not in her nature.

“Don’t fucking lie Sarah! You know what you’re doing – you know what this is about!” Kie says, arcing up again. Her wrists tense against John B’s hands, trying to pull away.

“I don’t!” Sarah’s desperate voice comes again, so close he can almost feel her.

“Oh but you do. Misplaced a fire blanket recently, Sarah? Yeah?” Kie asks, and her chin tilts in defiance – it’s a winning blow, and Kie doesn’t even know just how winning.

“Kie-” John B begins, flinching at Kie’s words, but Sarah cuts him off.

“If you care about any of your friends the way I think you do, you’ll drop this right now.” Sarah’s voice is low and dangerous, and for a minute John B sees Kie falter. “You think you know what’s going on,” Sarah continues, “but you have no fucking clue.” Kie’s expression hardens at this however, and John B knows this is not going to end well - there’s no chance this could end well.

“Pope, JJ, do you think you could maybe give me a hand with this?” He calls to them, keeping a tight grip on Kie.

“And ruin our betting odds? No thanks man, I wanna see this play out.” JJ says, a smug smile on his face. John B could kill him.

Pope looks sheepish, but also stays where he is. “I’ve got twenty dollars on Kie.” He says, as way of explanation. _Useless._

Kie, ignoring their conversation, still has her eyes trained on Sarah.

“Oh I know exactly what’s going on – you’re a two-faced liar!” Kie exclaims, a lightning strike punctuating her sentence. The tension in the sky is doing nothing to ease the situation. He can sense Sarah wound tight, ready to snap.

“No you don’t! You’re too busy fucking JJ to open your fucking eyes and realise that not everything’s about protecting your precious fucking boy!” And snap Sarah does. It’s a strike John B should have seen coming – he’d set it up, unwittingly, last night when he’d told Sarah about the two of them in the unit. He clearly hadn’t expected this though.

Nor does he expect Kie to lunge forward, twisting her wrists sharply out of John B’s grasp to get to Sarah. Without thinking, John B twists too, immediately shifting to encircle Sarah, braced to absorb Kie’s movements, but they don’t come.

JJ moved the second Sarah mentioned his name – he knew, somehow, that this would be the final straw for Kie, that it would no longer be funny to watch it happen – to let the girls have it out. Kie was fierce at the best of times, but Sarah’s words… Kie was going to murder her.

He reaches her just as she moves, and his arms encircle her waist, twisting her sense of gravity entirely as he pulls her back against him, her feet leaving the ground. Her whole body is tensed – and for a moment, the briefest moment, she relaxes into him in her confusion before she realises what’s happened.

“JJ! Put me down!” She yells. It’s the voice he would usually bend to. The authority in her tone would ordinarily have him running for cover, but he resists, walking several steps away from where John B is standing, his back to him, looking oddly like he’s protecting Sarah. _No one can say he’s not an upstanding guy_ , JJ thinks wryly.

“You alright man?” He asks gently, directing it towards John B, paying no mind to Kie who is twisting in his grip, throwing her weight around like it will have an effect. It doesn’t.

John B turns at that, and JJ notices as his hands slip from where they were on Sarah’s hips. He notes the movement, but he can’t figure out why yet. Why there’s something familiar in it…

“Yeah – yeah man. Um, I’m gonna – I’m gonna make sure Sarah gets back to the unit – I just – uh, feel bad. But I’ll come find you guys right after, okay? Normal place?” John B says, and he looks visibly shaken, but he’s stepping back into himself now, taking charge. JJ nods, and begins to walk with a still squirming Kie.

“What the fuck happened to you having my back?” Kie asks him. She’s lowered her voice now, clearly aware they’re in an incredibly incriminating position if any teachers were to see them right now. Interesting time for her to decide she doesn’t want to draw attention to herself. Where was that attitude five minutes ago? Luckily, no one appeared at the height of the argument. JJ thinks they owe that to the volume of the storm, still raging, offering them some discretion.

“I do have your back Kie.” He answers, adjusting his grip on her so she’s half over his shoulder. “You were in way too fucking deep back there – you were gonna do Sarah’s job for her.”

“JJ’s right Kie. Physical violence wasn’t going to end well.” Pope agrees, walking alongside them. He had stayed fairly calm in all of it, to JJ’s surprise. Pope’s usually the first to recommend being a pacifist. It’s then JJ realises how concerned Pope must be about the Sarah situation, if Pope was willing to let the altercation happen. Unlike JJ, who had spontaneously decided enough was enough, and made his move with no prior thought as to how it would pan out. He’s honestly just happy Kie hadn’t accidentally clocked him in the process.

“I wasn’t going to resort to physical violence-” Kie protests weakly. With every step, she’s relaxing more into JJ’s grasp, letting him carry her.

“It sure looked like it.” JJ comments wryly. Kie doesn’t respond, but he would bet that she’s rolling her eyes at him.

They begin to head up the track to E unit again, and JJ’s grateful for the storm taking place, letting them all feel less exposed as they fade into the darkness the storm clouds have brought.

When Kie seems to have calmed down almost completely, and he can no longer feel her heart rapidly beating against his shoulder, he pauses.

“Now – are you still having murderous tendencies? Or do you think you can manage to walk yourself?” He asks, in a patronising tone. In answer, Kie slaps him gently across the back of his head and wiggles out of his grasp. JJ rubs the spot.

“That didn’t exactly confirm the lack of murderous tendencies, in my personal opinion.” Pope comments, but Kie just flips him off and begins to walk ahead of them. JJ pretends he doesn’t miss the warmth of Kie against him – pretends he hadn’t carried her for a lot longer than strictly necessary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Safe to say that friend ship is obliterated. But hey, isn't JJ a good friend for picking Kie up and removing her from the situation... such chivalry.
> 
> Next chapter is going to be good, good fun, so keep an eye out for it.
> 
> As always, I love all your comments, kudos, messages, screaming, crying, yelling etc. Hit me with it all, it keeps the writer in me writing. Additionally, here is my[ buy me a coffee page](https://ko-fi.com/thatjohnd), for anyone who is interested. In case you would like to, well, buy me a coffee.
> 
> Here's a funky fresh link here for [my Tumblr blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatjohnd), feel free to come follow, chat, ask questions etc, it's the easiest way to reach me. Also if you'd like to [reblog my fic post](https://thatjohnd.tumblr.com/post/623544422606454784/new-chapter-of-ignored-neglected-is-now), I will immediately give you all of my love.
> 
> Also! I make a fresh Tumblr post every time I post a new chapter. If you would like to be added to the tag list for that post, so you get a lil baby notification when a new chapter's up, so you'll never miss a chapter, shoot me a message!
> 
> That's all for now, I'll see you soon.  
> Endless love,  
> L x


	11. When my lungs fail I drink the air from yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hi there my loves, 
> 
> Lots of writing has been achieved since I last spoke to you. I have a feeling you're going to like this chapter... and the next one. 
> 
> I don't have a lot to share otherwise - life continues. writing continues. I continue to mildly-to-majorly obsess over every comment, kudos, message, ask etc. I am a simple girl with the simple desire to receive your every single thought regarding this fic. Is that too much to ask? yes? oops. 
> 
> In other news, this chapter's a little bit special. Because it's a birthday gift for my beautiful friend Alex. 
> 
> Happy birthday Al, I tried to gift wrap this, but JJ did not like it when I tried to pin him down to put a bow on his head. My apologies. Lots of love for you, welcome to a new decade babeyyy. Hope it's as wild as the last. 
> 
> George, I see your white flag, and I raise you a second white flag (but we're considering these white flags just time outs, right? The angst can never truly disappear...) It's no blue hoodie... but it is a truce. An entirely self indulgent truce at that. 
> 
> That is all from me, without further ado, I give you Rivers College, and all the wildness that entails.  
> Enjoy my loves,  
> L xx

In an act that is basically taunting expulsion, Sarah brings her hands up to cup John B’s cheeks – for just a moment. Just a brief moment to feel him there – to steady herself. He recognises the gesture for what it is – a risk, and pushes against her where his hands still sit on her hips, gently urging her behind the science blocks and out of view.

She doesn’t realise she’s on the verge of hyperventilating until John B’s hands are mirroring hers, brushing loose hair out of her eyes. “Breathe. Just, just breathe. It’s alright. You’re alright.”

But it’s not panic – that she’s feeling. It is, slightly, but more than anything, it’s anger. The more she processes, the more she sees Kie, over and over again, stepping up to her out of the blue when she left the classroom, shoving at her shoulders, so clearly looking for a confrontation – it makes Sarah angry.

“Who the _fuck_ does she think she is? What the fuck, John B? What the fuck just happened?” All her air comes back to her at once as the words rush out of her mouth. She steps away from his touch and starts pacing the narrow space at the back of the building. The lightning seems to be punctuating her sentences, and she appreciates the back up. “I mean- the accusations! The fucking nerve of her! And then- JJ! And Pope! What the fuck were they doing, just leaving her to just go ahead and scream at me! And not even stepping in!”

She glances at John B, searching for him to meet her anger. John B looks like he’s processing everything as well. He’s sat down, slumped against the boulder, and he looks – _tired._ Just, tired.

The fight goes out of her at the realisation, and she lets herself sink to the ground, tries to steady her anger for a moment. “So… so they know, yeah?” She asks softly, nudging her knuckles against his ankle, trying to get him to look at her. He glances at her with the touch, and the exhaustion on his face eases slightly. Sarah begins to think there may be more to the story.

“I’m sorry.” He mutters, and she smiles gently, before she pulls herself up to standing, wrapping her arms around him gently, cradling his head, hands running through his hair for a moment. Then he’s tugging at her waist, pulling her down to sit on his lap. She keeps carding a comforting hand through his hair.

“Nothing to be sorry for – this was all bound to come out eventually, right? We did our best for as long as we could.”

She thinks of how she’d felt when Kie had mentioned the blanket. Her heart had jumped into her throat, and then left her body entirely. It had felt like a fight or flight reaction – she’d felt physically ill. The idea of anyone – threatening John B. Knowing about them. Crossing into this realm that should be just the two of them – just their precious little world. It made her nauseous to even think about.

Except – John B’s looking at her with a crease between his eyebrows, confused. “Wait- what?” He asks, pulling back slightly to look at her. Her fingers drop from his hair.

“I mean- it’s not great, that they know about us. But we were a ticking time bomb, John B. We were going to be found out eventually. We both knew that.” Sarah says, voice calm. She’s made her peace with it, and she wants John B to understand that, to know it’s all okay. She’s okay. They’ll work it out. But John B shakes his head vehemently.

“No- no you’ve got it all wrong.”

“What do you mean?” She asks, bewildered.

And so he tells her – everything. Kie’s ridiculous theories, JJ’s concern, Pope’s logical approach. The blanket – the lies, the hurt John B had felt, all of it.

Sarah listens calmly, without interrupting.

“Let me- let me get this straight.” She says, after he’s finished speaking, and is looking at her expectantly. “You thought, letting Kie think I was trying to get all of you expelled, was a better plan than just telling her we’re hooking up? You thought that was genuinely a better plan?” Her mouth’s curling up at the thought, and she can’t help the amusement bubbling up inside her. _Good lord what a moron,_ she thinks fondly. _What an absolute idiot._

John B looks at her indignantly. “Well- I thought- If I told her about us we were both gonna- it just didn’t seem-” He attempts several explanations before he sighs in defeat, dropping his head to her shoulder. “It was not my best idea, I’ll admit.”

“No. No it wasn’t.” She laughs softly, patting his head gently by way of consoling him. She pauses for a moment, before getting serious. “You probably should have just told them – it would have been less risk. I mean – Kie won’t keep her mouth shut about this. She’ll be drawing more attention to us now than if she was let in on the secret. At least then she’d hopefully keep our secret to protect you, if not to protect me.” John B raises his head at her tone, looking her in the eye calmly as she speaks, nodding his head slowly.

“Yeah. I mean, either way, Kie may never speak to me again. But it might be worth a shot.” John B jokes light-heartedly, but she can hear the concern in his voice, thinly veiled with humour. She tilts her head, and presses a kiss against his hair.

“Thank you.” She says gently, punctuating it with a second kiss to his hair.

“What for?” He responds, his fingers trailing along her hip, dipping slightly so they can run over bare skin, below her school shirt.

“For- for protecting me. For standing up for me. For deciding it was better to keep us safe, than to avoid conflict- I know I laughed at you for it but I- I just- thank you.” What she really wants to say is; _no one has ever done anything like that for me. I didn’t think anyone ever would._

“Val. You’re- well. You’re everything for me, here. Ofcourse I was going to protect you.” His grip on her hip tightens, pulling her closer, and his voice is so serious it makes her shiver, despite the humid electricity of the storm still raging on.

She doesn’t have an answer for that, so instead she places two fingers under his chin and tilts his head up so she can kiss him. It’s soft, and gentle, and she’s not trying to start anything. She’s just trying to say _thank you. You mean everything to me, too._ She hopes he understands.

The way he kisses her back tells her he does. She’s always surprised, at how he kisses her, when there’s no intent, nowhere they’re going with it. It catches her off guard, pulls her walls down. Because it’s so – god. It’s slow and syrupy and gentle, and she feels like they have all the time in the world, like he’s elected to spend forever right here with her.

She pulls back, eventually, letting out a shaky breath and pressing her forehead to his, resting there for a moment. His hands continue to move, running over the small of her back, gently across the tops of her thighs, slow and repetitive and reassuring.

“So what are you going to do… about Kie, about the others?” She asks. She doesn’t want to ask – wants to pretend there won’t be any consequences of what just happened. But she knows better, she knows Kie better, than to think that will be it. That Kie will have made her peace.

“I- I don’t know. I guess I have to agree with them – I have to pacify them, really. Tell them they’re right, that I’ll talk to you again. I don’t- I don’t know, what’s going to be enough now… if anything will actually placate her now, you know? Or any of them, really – I mean, you saw Kie. She was so- she was so sure.” He lets out a heavy sigh, and she can see him turning the problem over in his mind. She nods, humming softly in agreeance, before she catches one of his hands where it was running along her thigh and picks it up, bringing it to her lips and pressing a feather light kiss to his palm.

“I think – I think you need to tell them the truth, Vlad.” She says it with a low conviction, sure of what she’s telling him. He doesn’t share this conviction, clearly, because he looks at her, alarmed. The darkness of the sky cuts interesting shadows on his concerned expression, and Sarah wants to trace them.

“I- I can’t do that- that’s putting you at risk – it’s putting us at risk.” The hesitation is there in his voice- his words are firm, but his tone wavers, and Sarah can hear the longing underneath it. He’s tired – she knows it. He’s tired of sneaking around, of hiding this from his friends. Perhaps, too, a part of him is tired of hiding her away from everyone. Maybe, like her, he wants to be able to talk about her with someone, anyone at all.

“John B, you trust them. You’d trust them with your life. And I trust you. So, I think, you can trust them with me.” It’s a matter of fact, no nonsense tone. She wants to be clear. “It’s going to be worse – we’re all going to be in more danger if Kie continues to think I’m- well. What was her phrasing? A psychopath?” She pulls a twisted face at that, her nose scrunching for a brief moment. John B swipes at the expression immediately, dragging his thumb down the bridge of her nose, smoothing it out. She’d giggle – if the situation wasn’t so fucked up. “My point is – I think it’s time. I think our silence has kept us safe, for a while now. But I’m not sure it will keep us safe for much longer. Might be nice to have some allies.”

John B’s watching her carefully, and she can tell he’s considering this carefully. Eventually, he nods. Sarah lets out a breath she doesn’t remember holding.

“Okay. Yeah- yeah you’re right. There’s no other safe way out of this.”

The sky gives one final rumble, as if the storm, too, was giving up the fight.

JJ watches as Kie swipes her hair up from where the humidity is sticking it to the back of her neck, pulling it into a knot on top of her head. He’s never really understood how Kie does that – without a tie or anything to hold it in place. It seems to be a quick twist and it will stay that way for hours.

The three of them are lying on the floor of the abandoned unit again, waiting for John B to show up. JJ is beginning to think he might not be coming, and the thought is irritating him. _Where the hell is he? ___

__The humidity is thick in the air of the unit, the lack of opening windows making the storm’s humidity worse._ _

__“I’m starting to think this isn’t much of an alternative to the chapel roof.” Pope comments wryly, sitting up to take his shirt off completely. JJ’s is entirely undone, but it’s still sticking to his back where he’s lying._ _

__Kie lets out a huff of agreeance. “I swear to god, I don’t remember what it’s like to be cold anymore. Winter feels so long ago.”_ _

__Campus in the winter was even worse than the summer, though. JJ thinks of last year’s winter, and how cold they had all been. They’d all sleep in layers of clothing, and every fire in every unit would burn through the night, wasted wood be damned. It felt like such a ridiculous contrast to the clamminess of his skin against the floorboards. But JJ would take the heat any day – the cold just wasn’t worth it._ _

__“At least we’ll be on hike soon.” JJ comments. He’s always liked hike more, because they’re in fresh air, and they’re not expected to wear their stiff, stuffy uniforms._ _

__“That’s even worse, exercise in this heat? No thanks.” Kie argues, wrinkling her nose at the thought. Her hand slips up to undo another a button on her school shirt, her sleeves rucked up to above her elbows. JJ doesn’t focus on the new skin visible. He doesn’t._ _

__“I was reading the paper, and apparently it’s at least meant to get cold like early next week, because the wind’s going to change. It’s meant to start coming up from the Antarctic.” Pope pipes up. “So maybe it might set in early and hike will be cooler than usual.”_ _

__JJ laughs lightly. “Bro, who the hell reads the paper these days?”_ _

__Pope kicks out at his shin, barely making contact from the angle he’s lying at. JJ lazily shifts his leg away. “I do! It’s our only contact with the outside world, how else am I supposed to know what’s going on?”_ _

__“Why would you want contact with the outside world? Gross.” Kie comments wryly, and JJ seconds the question. He is perfectly happy living here, completely cut off from society aside from the odd letter from his father, which he happily throws into the boiler as kindling._ _

__“Okay sorry! Forgive me for wanting to make sure the world isn’t pulling some tomorrow when the war began shit while we’re here at Rivers.”_ _

__That gets a giggle from Kie, and it draws JJ’s attention back to her face, to see her laugh. He always loves to watch her laugh. He gets a shock though, when he glances at her and realises that she’s taken her school shirt off completely, lying there in just her black bra and kilt, sweat shining across her collarbones. He was sure he’d had something he wanted to say- but it’s gone from his mind entirely. He has to force himself to look away._ _

__Pope stands abruptly then, grabbing JJ’s attention back. “Right I- uh. I better go, I’m on lunch duties this week, for the unit, so I’ve gotta, go um, do them.” Pope says, stumbling over his words. JJ smirks slightly. He’s not stupid, he knows he’s not the only one that Kie has an effect on. It’s not like the boys haven’t seen her this way before, but it never really seems to get old. JJ’s not sure it ever will._ _

__“John B’s not back yet though.” Kie says, frowning and sitting up slowly. She leans her forearms against the knees, and it shifts her kilt slightly, exposing more of her thigh from under the fabric. JJ thinks he might die._ _

__“Yeah well- I don’t think he’s coming, if I’m being honest. But uh, you and JJ like, decide what we’re gonna do about Sarah yeah? Just- I can’t cop another det, so I’ve gotta go.” Pope says, visibly uncomfortable as his eyes dart to Kie and away again repeatedly._ _

__JJ would laugh if he wasn’t experiencing the same thing himself._ _

__“Okay- I mean, you’ve already got two dets for the day so odd time to draw the line on a third, but whatever.” Kie says, clearly slightly irritated. Pope still takes the opportunity to leave however, pulling his shirt on as he makes his way to the window._ _

__“Yeah, um, I know, I just- transcripts, and stuff. Anyway, I’ll see you guys later.” He says, waving before he disappears out the window._ _

__They sit in silence for a brief moment, before Kie sighs lightly. “God, he’s a weird guy sometimes.” She says, but her tone is fond. JJ nods in agreeance._ _

__“Really weird.”_ _

__Another beat goes by, and JJ can’t quite think of anything to say, even though he wants to. Kie fills the space, though, so JJ doesn’t have to._ _

__“So- what _are_ we going to do about Sarah?” She asks, and she’s crawling across towards him, to lie right next to him before he knows what’s happening. He can feel the warmth radiating off her._ _

__He thinks of how easily Kie shifts, in and out of emotions. She had been blazing earlier, looking like a whole other entity as she’d let her anger take hold of her, in front of Sarah. But now, now she looks like a teenager, a little bit lost like the rest of them, but calm, and happy, and at ease. He can’t reconcile the two in his mind. She’s so many different people at the same time and it gives JJ whiplash in the best way._ _

__“I- I don’t know, Kie. Is there anything to do, now, really? You told her you knew, and told her to back off. Don’t we just have to hope she listens?” He asks, brow furrowing as he considers the situation. He’s hoping that if Kie hadn’t got through to Sarah in the moment, John B may have got through to her in the aftermath, maybe. He really, really doesn’t want to get expelled, despite how it looks._ _

__“I mean- yeah, I guess. But she just looked so- so smug. Like she knew something we didn’t. Like she already had us cornered and we just didn’t know it.” Kie says, and JJ knows the moment she’s talking about. He knows the moment, because he’s been thinking about it since it happened._ _

___You think you know what’s going on but you have no fucking clue._ Sarah’s words have been echoing in his mind since it had happened, and the ones that followed. _You’re too busy fucking JJ to open your fucking eyes.__ _

__They’d been spat with such venom, that JJ had jumped to interfere immediately. But that isn’t why he keeps hearing those words._ _

__“Yeah.” JJ says, incredibly eloquently._ _

__“What could she possibly know, though? I mean, aside from sneaking out after lights out, but she knows we know she knows that.” Kie wrinkles her face slightly at the phrasing, knowing she could have said it better, but she leaves it be._ _

__JJ frowns, wondering whether to say it or not. Kie notices his face, and he knows she can tell he’s withholding something._ _

__“What?” She prompts, bumping her bare shoulder against his._ _

___You’re too busy fucking JJ to open your fucking eyes_ _ _

__“Well- she thinks that you and I- are like…” He lets the sentence float there, half finished. Kie’s face drops into a blank expression, where she’s turned to look at him._ _

__“Yeah. Yeah, she does.” She agrees, entirely expressionless._ _

__“Why- why do you think she would think that?” He asks, and pretends not to notice when Kie shifts slightly away from him, so their shoulders are no longer touching._ _

__Kie doesn’t seem to have an answer, just shrugs. “I don’t- I don’t know. I mean, she saw you in the unit? But like- that’s surely not enough to-” She doesn’t finish her sentence, and JJ doesn’t ask her to._ _

__There’s something else, something else that’s bugging him, itching at him. “Kie?” He asks, and he tries to keep his tone detached, like the answer doesn’t matter._ _

__“Yeah?” She says, matching his measured voice._ _

__“Why did you- how did I know that was going to be your breaking point, when she said that? Why was that the thing that- like, made you-”_ _

__“Lose it?” Kie finishes for him, and he’s glad she said it, and not him._ _

__“Yeah.”_ _

__The silence is heavy in the room, made worse by the way the air is pressing down on them, the humidity relentlessly trying to take up more space. He starts a little when he feels Kie’s fingertips brushing over his forearm, tracing lines. It’s odd, the touch in the daylight. He can’t remember the last time he was alone with Kie. All their touches, in the past few weeks, have been under the cover of darkness, or weed, or tiredness. They’ve always had an excuse, a reason to brush it off. But this, in broad daylight, feels like more than all of the other moments combined._ _

__“Because-” Kie starts, and stops again, and goes back to just watching her own fingertips against his skin. She won’t look at him, won’t make eye contact. “Because we protect each other. Because I care about you, and I didn’t- I didn’t want those words in Sarah’s mouth- I didn’t – she had no right to talk about you, or me. To talk about us. And I just- I couldn’t listen to her say that stuff.” She’s talking herself in circles, and JJ’s holding his breath- for something. He’s not entirely sure what._ _

__“Because- because that stuff isn’t true, right? Because you didn’t want her saying lies?” He prompts, trying to uncover something._ _

__Kie’s hand has moved down to his open palm, drawing swirls across it gently. Her fingers catch slightly on his calluses, put there by chopping wood for the unit. She strokes them gently, and JJ thinks she may be avoiding the question._ _

__“Yeah- I mean- no. Not because they were lies but because- I don’t know, JJ. Because I don’t want anyone else talking about us, and what we are to each other. I don’t want anyone else to get to have an opinion on that.” She says, slow and measured and honest. So honest, JJ doesn’t know what to do with it. “Is that okay?” She asks, and her tone has shifted, tentative and unsure._ _

__“Yeah- yeah, of course that’s okay, Kie. You and I, we’re all good. We’re fine.” His voice deepens on the last line, and he can’t help his hand closing over hers, linking their fingers through. “We’re just fine.” He murmurs, almost to himself._ _

__The touch and the reassuring words bring Kie’s eyes up, away from their hands to where JJ’s face is inches from hers._ _

__“Yeah?” She asks, and her voice has gone small, and JJ can see the rise and fall of her chest, slightly quicker than it should be._ _

__“Yeah.” He murmurs, low and gentle. He doesn’t break the eye contact, happy to stay there, just looking at her._ _

__She leans forward then, slowly, like she’s experimenting, like she’s just trying something, for just a moment._ _

__And her lips brush his._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna just... give you guys a couple of seconds to cool off...
> 
> Okay, you good? I know, I know, I'm terrible for ending this chapter here (Alex, I can tell you want to kill me. But if you do that, you'll never get any more chapters). But I promise, promise, promise you the next one will be worth it. 
> 
> I am expecting every Jiara fan to have a little yell in the comments, and I may just hold the next chapter hostage until you do because iT TOOK US ELEVEN CHAPTERS BUT WE GOT HERE. It's all about team work, innit? Proud of us. Also proud of those two oblivious idiots, who finally worked it out. 
> 
> This end note's been long enough, so I won't give you the whole please comment, please kudos etc spiel cos I think we've got it by now, right? But I will drop these links here: [my Tumblr blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatjohnd) (message me any questions, comments, concerns, anything you'd like!) And the link to [reblog my fic post](https://thatjohnd.tumblr.com/post/623544422606454784/new-chapter-of-ignored-neglected-is-now), be my guest. 
> 
> Also if you'd like to keep me caffeinated for the next few chapters [ buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/thatjohnd)?
> 
> All the love, always,  
> L xx


	12. There is a space where our hearts beat in time, I should like to be buried there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies, 
> 
> Oh BOY. If I had known threatening to withold Jiara content would be that effective in getting you guys to share your lovely thoughts on this fic, I would have done it sooner! Just kidding... sorta. But seriously, thank you, thank you, thank you for the phenomenal response to the last chapter. It made me so happy. 
> 
> Now, as for this chapter. Anyone who knows me personally and has some (if minimal) level of respect for me, my apologies. You're welcome too shield your eyes, it might just be about to get frisky. (But also don't shield your eyes, it's also gonna most likely be a good time, trust me.)
> 
> Anyone who doesn't know me personally, forge ahead. I promise you you're gonna have a hella good time. 
> 
> Alex, this is an additional belated birthday chapter. Enjoy. Come scream once you're done?
> 
> George, you promised you could never think less of me... let's find out if that statement holds up under pressure. 
> 
> Love to you all, enjoy.  
> L xx

It catches him off guard, even though it shouldn’t. It’s just- they’ve been in positions like this a million times- they’ve been closer than this, before, and nothing’s happened. Kie’s been wrapped around him, asleep on his shoulder, head on his chest, and nothing’s ever come of it. But here, right now, in the old abandoned unit in the middle of the day- something’s happening. Right here. And he doesn’t want to miss it.

It takes him a moment to respond, surprise coursing through him. But then he processes it, the warmth of her mouth against his, and he’s dropping his grasp on her hand, so that he can cup her cheek instead, pulling her face closer so he can kiss her properly, deeply.

He feels some sort of low-level desperation – because he doesn’t know when this is going to end, when Kie is going to pull back, and laugh this off, and he wants as much of her as she is willing to give before that happens.

Her lips are so gentle against his, so soft and pliable and if JJ had ever let himself think about what this would have felt like, it would have been this. His hand moves up into her hair, tangling itself in her dark curls, pulling at the knot that had been keeping it up, so that it falls around her shoulders. He pulls back, for just a second, to take a look at her as she looks back at him, hair trailing against the floorboards, lips red and eyes bright.

She meets his gaze, and he can see his own nerves reflected back at him. “I- is this okay?” She whispers, and he has no idea why she’s whispering but he understands. He doesn’t think he could speak properly right now, either. He laughs lightly at the question, as if it could be anything other than okay. As if her, in front of him, is ever going to not be okay.

He nods, just slightly, before he’s pulling her back in again, answering her question the only way he knows how.

She smiles into the kiss, and he feels the smile stretch against his own mouth. _Jesus. Kissing Kie is the best thing he’s ever done._

He kisses her again, and again. He lets his hand wander back through her hair, tugging gently at the curls. Kie shifts, not breaking the kiss, until she’s right up against him, nearly chest to chest. She’s propped up on one arm, her freehand tripping up to the nape of his neck, tucking her fingertips into the hair there. Despite the humidity, goosebumps break out on his skin, and he moves his hand to her waist, pulling her over gently, until she’s lying on top of him.

The movement pulls Kie’s mouth away from his for a brief reprieve, and JJ regrets it - regrets anything that stops Kie’s mouth being against his, even if it’s for a moment. But Kie is steadying her hand against his chest, propping herself up and back slightly. Her palm is warm against his chest, and he’s looking at her heavily, waiting for her to make whatever call she’s deciding on right now.

“Are you- are we sure about this?” Kie asks, and JJ loves that it’s a _we_ question. As if Kie doesn’t have him in the palm of her hand.

“I am if you are.” JJ says slowly. “I didn’t- didn’t expect this. But I’m here, if you’re here.” He’s conscious of putting a step wrong, of saying the wrong thing, of losing the Kie in front of him. But she’s looking at him, relaxed and happy and so goddamn attractive.

She nods slowly, and then with more surety. “Yes.” She says simply, and then she kisses him again. He relaxes into the kiss, hands running along her sides, over her hips, grasping her waist. She cups his face, keeping herself close, soft puffs of air hitting his cheeks when she exhales.

He’s overly conscious that Kie’s without a top, and that there’s endless skin under his grasp. She’s warm from the heat of the room, and he can’t help but let his hands roam, along the small of her back, over her shoulders, anywhere they can go.

Kie’s fingers have dug under the collar of his open shirt, slipping under the fabric to grasp at his shoulders. When she tries to ease the shirt off, JJ sits up to let the let it loose, accidentally tipping Kie backwards as he does. She lets out a light squeal and tightens her grip on his shoulders, JJ reflexively grasping her hips to catch her.

Kie laughs, dropping her head back for a moment, light and airy and bright, bright, bright. JJ can’t take his eyes off her.

“Easy there JJ.” She mutters, before she brings their lips back together, shucking off JJ’s shirt as she does. “Coulda hurt myself.” She jokes, and JJ laughs in response.

“I think you’re out of any immediate danger.” He comments. Kie’s straddling him now, legs winding behind his back where they’re sitting, and she lets her hands have free reign over his back, now free of a shirt.

When she pulls away and stands up, JJ frowns, but a part of him isn’t surprised. He knew he was on borrowed time in those moments, that it was all too good to be true, that Kie would eventually put an end to whatever this odd lapse in her judgement was.

But instead, she crosses the room to where the fire blanket lies, abandoned earlier that morning by Kie. She picks it up and brings it back over, walking slowly, hips wiggling, playfully attempting to taunt him.

She lays it out on the ground next to him and grins at him before she sits down on it.

“Isn’t that Sarah’s-”

“Yep.”

“Is this a weird kind of petty revenge or something?” JJ asks, attempting a frown but laughing halfway through. Kie joins in the laughter.

“Maybe. No. But it’s an additional bonus.” She looks back at him, full of mischief, and that’s something he’s always been able to get behind. He can’t resist leaning forward, kissing her again. She melts into him, pulling him down until he’s directly over her, keeping himself up with one arm beside her head, an odd mirror of the position they were in not two hours ago, when he’d fallen through the floorboard and Kie had found the blanket.

How things change.

Kie doesn’t know what she’s doing, if she’s honest. She’s not sure how they got here, all she knows is she’s lying under a shirtless JJ, and it feels like she’s always wanted this. Wanted him close, wanted him right here with her. She doesn’t want to have to think of all the ways this could end, she just wants to exist in this moment for a little while.

JJ’s kissing along her jaw, over her collarbones as she shifts against him, searching for something more, wanting him impossibly closer. His hand is across the expanse of skin on her hip, pinkie finger aligned against the waistband of her skirt. The pad of his thumb keeps flexing against the patch of her bare skin, out of its own volition. 

She sighs gently as his mouth trails along her shoulder, and then she’s grasping under his chin and pulling him back up to meet his mouth with hers. She missed it.

“Fuck.” JJ breathes out gently against her mouth, when she hooks her legs around his waist, forcing him closer. He looks at her then, gaze heavy, hair askew, looking entirely dishevelled. She wonders how much it’s taking for him to hold back. She can see the question in his gaze, the question he won’t ask, he won’t ever ask, because JJ doesn’t ask for anything, never has, never will. He won’t ever ask anything of anyone, if they’re not already offering. The thought makes her sad, and she shoves it out of her mind quickly. She wants to be here instead.

Instead, she returns his look, and answers the question he’s not asking. She nods, with no hesitation, grasping his chin firmly so he’s looking her straight in the eyes. “Yes. Yes.” She says, so there’s no confusion.

He looks at her, a heavy tension between them for a moment, before he breaks it with a smile, and another kiss.

There’s something about this, that feels like such warmth, like there’s a little glow around them. She feels safe and happy with him. When his hands slip to her thighs, slipping under the hem of her skirt, she stops thinking, decides she just wants to watch JJ, wants to catch his every expression, every movement, right here with him.

But when he starts moving against her, she realises she can’t keep her eyes open. Instead she opts for throwing her head back, letting little _oh_ ’s fall from her mouth. She grips his forearms, feeling the muscles tensed where he’s propping himself up. Her nails can’t help but dig in. She’s trying to be gentle but she’s unable to control the way her hands clench with each movement.

“JJ.” She murmurs, letting his name fall from her lips before he’s swallowing it, kissing her hard and deep and never ending.

“Kie.” JJ responds, when he pulls back. His voice is ragged, and her name somehow turns into a moan, but Kie wouldn’t change it for anything. She wants to hear it on replay, always. She’s breathing heavily, legs locked tight behind his back, and she doesn’t want the moment to break.

Of course though, it breaks eventually, and yet Kie finds she doesn’t mind. Because then JJ is rolling off her, and pulling her to his chest, and she’s listening to the rapid beat of his heart, and tracing her fingers along his chest. He smooths the fabric of her skirt down, over the curve of her thigh, and the touch leaves residue sparks along her skin. She’s happy here, with him. She’s sure of it.

JJ keeps looking at Kie. Her hair is fanned out behind her where she’s lying on his chest, and her lips are a deep swollen red. He reaches up to run his hands through her hair, a movement that he’s fairly certain has become his only good habit. With his free hand he props his head up, just enough to press a kiss to the top of her head.

“God. I really hope John B doesn’t decide to show up right about now.” Kie says, voice slightly vacant. JJ barks out a laugh, caught off guard. Her head shifts with the sight movement of his chest.

“Can you- can you not bring him up right now?” He says, but he’s unable to hide his amusement. Kie giggles too, before rolling over, bringing her face close up to his and kissing him, chaste and gentle before pulling back slightly so she can look at him.

“Oh my deepest apologies, did I ruin the mood?”

“Yes, yes you most definitely did.” JJ nods adamantly, but he moves to kiss her again, anyway.

Just as Kie’s drawing breath for what will no doubt be a retort, the chapel bell rings out loud and clear across the campus. Kie looks at JJ, alarmed, her hand tensing where it had fallen on his shoulder.

“Shit. That’s the Sunday’s bell.” JJ says to her, and then Kie’s scrambling up, looking around for her shirt. She finds it balled up on the floor and pulls it on, getting three buttons done up before she realises what JJ knew immediately – it’s not her shirt. It cuts low across her skirt, almost obscuring it completely, and JJ can’t help but bite his lip gently. It’s the exact same shirt as hers, just two sizes too big, but somehow it looks better on her.

“Oh, shit. This is yours.” She says, stating the obvious. JJ’s tempted to tell her to keep it, but it feels like crossing some invisible line, as if they haven’t already crossed every line in the book. But that definitely feels like a relationship kind of thing, so he stays silent as she quickly unbuttons it, and continues the search for hers. Plus, JJ couldn’t exactly walk back to his unit shirtless, and he definitely wouldn’t fit Kie’s shirt.

Kie eventually finds her shirt where she’d tossed it under one of the bed’s frames, and in exchange she balls up JJ’s and throws it across to him. He puts it on quickly and then grabs the blanket, shoving it back under the same floorboard they originally found it under. On the off-chance Sarah did come back here, even after being yelled at, JJ didn’t want any evidence the blanket had even been moved, let alone used.

He moves to the window and waits, watching as Kie scoops her hair back up into its usual knot, then quickly smoothes down her clothes.

“Do I look-”

“Like you just had a shag?” JJ asks, voice filled with mirth.

Kie slaps him lightly across the arm. “I was going to say, do I look alright. But thanks for that.”

JJ laughs lightly, but then grabs her by the arm and pulls her in. He wraps his arms around her waist, holding her close because he’s not sure if she’ll ever let him do this again. “You look flawless.” He mutters, before kissing her once more, slow and deep and saying the thing’s he can’t voice.

Eventually, Kie pulls back reluctantly, and JJ lets his hands fall away from her waist. “Captain.” She murmurs, voice low. She gives him a half-hearted salute, and he just smiles back. Then, without another word, she slips out of the window, dropping lightly to the ground and disappearing around the corner. JJ’s fairly certain his heart has walked off with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter also requires a cooling off period....
> 
> That should do it. So, thoughts? anyone? everyone? Hit me with them. Comments, kudos, smoke signals, direct messages, messages in bottles, morse code... all appreciated, and will be well received and responded to in due course, promise. 
> 
> This chapter is all down to Alex, who said, and I quote "you can't be an author and never write a sex scene". Turns out she really knows how to motivate me. So Al, is this raunchy enough for you? Because if it isn't, I'm resigning. 
> 
> Gonna drop these links here: [my Tumblr blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatjohnd) (message me any questions, comments, concerns, anything you'd like!) And the link to [reblog my fic post](https://thatjohnd.tumblr.com/post/623544422606454784/new-chapter-of-ignored-neglected-is-now), if you'd like to share the raunchy. 
> 
> Additionally, [ buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/thatjohnd)?
> 
> Well my loves, was this a chapter worth waiting for? I know I strung it out... can you blame me? The slow burn is just os much fun... almost as fun as writing Kie and JJ getting it on in an abandoned dorm. insert non-creepy version of winky face here?
> 
> Lots of love to you all, can't wait to hear all your thoughts,  
> L xx


	13. Take my innocence and make it into a white flag; tell me I'm the only one you'll ever surrender for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya my loves,
> 
> Oooooh boy, it has been so long I can't entirely remember how to code a chapter. Yikes. 
> 
> My deepest, deepest apologies, for leaving you with a raunchy scene and then dipping. That's on me. Very few excuses here, except that my mind was occupied by other things, with the odd day dream about these delightful Pogues thrown in for good measure. But! I'm back! This chapter has been sitting in my drafts for far too long, being tweaked and fiddled with and I've officially stared at it too much so here it is. 
> 
> The next chapter is already written, so don't worry, I won't leave you hanging as long this time. I'm not that cruel. 
> 
> Also, tonnes of love to you who are still following this fic, still leaving kudos and comments and sending me beautiful anons and messages on Tumblr... it's a delight to hear from you all, and it makes my day, which sounds cliche but it's true. you guys make me smile. 
> 
> Massive, massive thanks goes to Alex, for spending three whole hours on the phone to me in the middle of the night talking me through the chapters, the plot, and my own writers block. This chapter would not be standing in the light of day without her mind, and her patience, and her love and support for this fic.
> 
> Okay, okay, I know, I've left you waiting long enough as it is, so without further ado, I give you... the Pogues. And a very smug loved up JJ. Enjoy!
> 
> Love,  
> L x
> 
> P.s George - I am eternally hunting for a blue hoodie.

JJ saunters into the unit fifteen minutes after Sundays were supposed to begin. Sundays were the deep-clean they had to do of the unit once a week, before they were allowed to go on hike. It doesn’t even take place on a Sunday, considering they have to do it before their weekend can even begin, but no one had ever claimed the Rivers College language made sense. It just didn’t. 

“Bro, where were you?” John B asks, when he walks past his bed to get to his own. JJ frowns briefly, wondering what kind of excuse to come up with. He didn’t want to get his story crossed with Kie’s, with whatever she was telling the girls in her unit. Not that it was likely John B and the J unit girls would be swapping stories about Kie’s where-abouts. 

“What do you mean where was I? Where were you? You said you were gonna come find us, and you never did. We were waiting this whole time, man.” JJ says, figuring the best defence is a good offense. The words come easily to him, and he has to admit a part of him is genuine in his questions. He’s frustrated with John B, if only a little bit, for not following through on his word. For leaving him, for leaving Kie, hanging, waiting for John B, when Kie had already been so worked up. The approach seems to work though, because John B’s expression goes blank. 

“Oh, uh, yeah, sorry. I- Sarah was really angry, she kept saying she was going to like – talk to the teachers or whatever, and it took me ages to convince her not to.” He shifts slightly as he speaks, but JJ’s too caught up in his own lie to comment on his shadiness.

“Yeah, sure… gotcha.” 

“But then you weren’t even at lunch, and Pope said you and Kie had stayed up there, and I wasn’t sure if something…” John B lowers his voice, watching JJ’s expression carefully. 

JJ has a choice here; to tell him, or to keep it quiet. On one hand, he knows how much trouble he and Kie would be in, if word got out. They’d be finished here at Rivers. But it’s John B - his best friend, since middle school. He can trust him. He won’t tell anyone, he knows that. 

He makes his decision, there and then. He nods, and then he can’t help the grin that slips across his face, bashful but happy. 

“Holy shit!” John B exclaims, and several of the other boys in the unit turn their heads to look at them. John B immediately lowers his voice, back to barely a whisper. “ _Holy shit._ ” He grins back at JJ, and JJ knows he’s made the right choice. Because he wants to share this with someone – because if nothing ever happens again, he wants to be sure it wasn’t all in is head – that Kie was his, for even the briefest of times. 

John B claps his shoulder gently. “Good on you man. I’m happy for you.” He says, just as Pope’s voice sounds from behind JJ. 

“What are we happy about?” Pope asks, having just returned from lunch duties, cleaning the dining hall up after everyone had eaten. 

“Um- nothing man, just- happy to be going on hike.” JJ says, covering quickly. John B shoots him a questioning look, but JJ ignores it. Luckily, John B was never one to ask questions in the moment, was always much happier to go along with it, and ask questions later. For that JJ’s grateful. 

Because it’s different- telling Pope. He knows how Pope feels about Kie – would have to be blind not to see the way he looks at her. And he’s a little bit fucking terrified that what just happened could ruin Pope and his friendship. Because – JJ and Pope are different. JJ has never expected to get what he wants. He’s never worked for it, not really. Never chased the things he wanted. Always felt like wanting something was enough of an indulgence – always felt like he had no real right to the things he wanted. 

But Pope was the opposite. Pope chased everything he wanted, believed that if he was a good person, if he put in the effort, he would get everything he put his sights on. 

And JJ knew it was selfish – so incredibly selfish. But JJ could not stand the thought of telling Pope, whilst knowing Pope was thinking _Really? She’d prefer you over me?_

Because JJ was already shocked enough at that as it is, and he couldn’t stand the idea of Pope corroborating this fear – this fear that he isn’t enough for Kie, and that he won’t ever be enough for her. He knew Pope would never say it out loud, but he was certain Pope would still think it, still feel it. And he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t tell him. 

Pope looks at JJ with confusion, however, and for a moment JJ is sure Pope’s seen straight through his lie, that somehow, he already knows what really happened. Instead, Pope throws something from left field. “Were you guys not listening at lunch? Dicko’s cancelled this weekend’s hike.” He tells them, frowning when JJ’s face reads surprise. John B just nods. 

“Yeah, I knew that, actually. JJ just wasn’t at lunch – skipped it.” He tells Pope, and Pope nods acceptingly, thankfully not pressing further. 

“Wait- so why’s hike postponed?” JJ always looks forward to the anarchic nature of hike, the complete freedom of the mountains. 

“Because of the storm. Dicko says all the lightening might have started bushfires, and we have to wait tonight to see if any become an issue. He said we’re just going to do this weekend’s hike, next weekend.” Pope says, and JJ nods. 

It makes sense. March is still bushfire season in Australia, and a dry electrical storm almost always sets something alight in the bush. It wasn’t a risk worth taking, to be stuck in the mountains during a bushfire. Chances of survival were almost nil. 

“Well that’s fucking shit. This means I’ve got a det tomorrow – so much for hike as a det buffer.” JJ responds, annoyed regardless of the logic behind the decision, just as their head of unit, Mr Heltron, walks into the room. 

“How’s Sundays coming boys?” Mr Heltron asked. He had a booming voice, and a massive build. He was an ex rugby player, and he could strike fear into any one of them, when he wanted to, but he was generally good tempered. The boys disperse quickly, heading to their respective beds and looking busy.

It’s nearing eleven, when Kie watches Sarah’s form slip out of bed. She pads the floor, softly, but she doesn’t bother to wait for everyone to be asleep. She has an edge on Kie, in that regard. She’s protected by status, and above that, she’s protected by the friendship of the other girls in their unit. 

Kie, deep down, feels a stab of jealousy. She doesn’t care though, ignores Sarah’s footsteps on the hardwood floor. She rolls over, in a passive aggressive act of – rebellion? Stubbornness? She doesn’t really know. All she knows is she’s done caring about Sarah Cameron, and what she does with her time. As long as she stops showing up wherever Kie and her friends go, she doesn’t give a shit if she wants to roam the campus at night, like some terribly annoying ghost. 

Kie lies there, waiting for the breathing of the other girls to even out. She can’t risk showing her hand again, can’t risk being seen out of bed. But she knows – without him having said anything – she knows that when she climbs into E unit tonight, JJ will be there, waiting for her. And she – she has absolutely no idea what she’s going to say to him. 

Her heart swells at the thought of his face, bright and happy like it was in the afternoon. He’s– safe. In a way that didn’t make sense. Being with JJ, even just being around JJ, is one of Kie’s more reckless decisions in her life – and yet when she’s with him, she never feels like anything truly bad could happen. His entire nature screams invincibility, and even though Kie knows it’s a cover, that cover seems to extend to her, seems to wrap her up in his little world. Now that she’s fully stepped into that world, she doesn’t want to step out, back into the cold. And yet- 

Kie knows she has to. It is all – too much. Because JJ – JJ is everything to her. She loves him in ways that would scare her, if she really paused to think about them. And she knows, deep down, that this kind of love lives safer in friendships. It exists longer, its protected more. Because relationships are so much more fragile, so much easier to break than friendships are. And if Kie really wants to keep JJ, then she had made a mistake kissing him. She’d made a mistake, giving into herself, into what she really wants. Because she knows that, long term, what she wants is far, far too dangerous. 

She hopes JJ will forgive her, that maybe, perhaps, he will understand. She doesn’t want to hurt him. That’s the thing, really. She doesn’t want to hurt him. And dating him – now, at their age, could only ever really end in hurt. She knows already she’s going to hurt him, just telling him she wants to be just friends. But it’s a minimised hurt – compared to- well. Compared to if she ever breaks his heart. She could never forgive herself if she gives in to everything, if she finds herself in a position where it’s her only choice; to break his heart. Or, where he has to break hers. And so, they will be friends. She’s decided, and there is no turning away when her mind’s made up. 

She lies there, letting herself, for a moment, remember his hands on her waist, how gentle he’d been with her, the way he’d let his fingers tangle in her hair – how his skin had felt against hers- and then she sits up, grabs a jumper as some form of guard, despite knowing the night is going to be sweltering, and leaves the unit. Because god knows – there’s no time like the present to do the thing you really, really don’t want to do.

The night air does nothing to ease how caught up she is in her own mind. She barely even checks for teachers roaming in the dark, already wrapped up in how to tell JJ – how to explain how she feels, without giving away too much. Her feet crunch the gravel path as she finds her way up to the unit. The moon’s out of the sky completely tonight, and she’s always grateful when it is. As much as she loves the light of the moon – she feels safer when it’s not there, exposing her silhouette for the world to see. 

She winds her way around the outside of the unit, already wiping a hand across her forehead, the heat just as sticky as it’s been all day. She’s praying for some wind, to stir up the mugginess, but she has no idea when that’s going to come. Pulling herself up short when she reaches the unit window, she realises there’s voices coming from inside – there’s JJ’s, but there’s also others. Pope’s, she thinks, and if Pope’s there, John B’s probably there too. She won’t be able to talk to JJ tonight, then. Not properly. 

The voices are hushed, but she can hear the strain. They’re frustrated about something, barely keeping the volume in check. Kie can only assume they’re continuing the issue from this afternoon, considering John B never came back to meet with them like he said he would. She glances around briefly before positioning herself to climb through the window. It doesn’t require a high jump, which is lucky, and she can manage it on her own, despite the fact it’s much easier when one of the boys lifts her up. Pushing herself up into the air, she manages to grasp the sill.

On cue, the voices quiet down, and JJ’s face appears at the window, pale in the darkness, reaching a hand out to help her in. There’s a small smile that spreads over his face when he see’s hers, but there’s also an underlying tension, in the tightness of his jaw, the way the smile doesn’t fully reach his eyes. 

Kie grasps his hand, and she feels the warmth of his hand spread over her wrist as he pulls her up, almost effortlessly. She wiggles in through the window, hitting the floorboards in the same fashion she’s done too many times to count now. She’s pulling herself to her feet, thanks to still having a hold of JJ’s hand, when she stops dead. Because – there’s too many people in the room.

“What the _fuck?!_ ” Kie swears, looking at the small group, utterly shocked. JJ’s hand is on her waist, steadying her immediately, attempting to calm her. It doesn’t really do the trick, and she wants to step away from it, doesn’t want to give the others any insight into her and JJ. “What the fuck are you doing here?” Kie hisses, rising to her full height, challenging. 

There, standing with a hand firmly clasped in John B’s, is Sarah Cameron. She doesn’t even have the decency to look sheepish. Rather; her jaw is set, and her eyes are blazing. Kie is struggling to put any of these pieces together. She looks to Pope and JJ, for any kind of explanation, but both of them are looking on with about as much understanding in their eyes as is in hers. 

Slowly, she brings her eyes around, until she’s making steady eye contact with John B. The entire situation – everything, is slowly sliding into place. Kie – she can’t even describe the anger she’s feeling. “You have something you want to explain, John B?” Her voice is trembling with barely-held fury, and she sees a brief moment of trepidation flash across John B’s face. 

“Kie.” He says calmly, after a beat. “Hear me out.” His voice is placating, like he’s talking to a flight risk, or a startled animal. 

“I’m listening. Start fucking talking.” She says. She’s not in the mood for fucking around, or playing games here, because she’s starting to realise that’s all John B and her have been doing for weeks, entirely unbeknownst to her. JJ’s hand squeezes slightly at her hip, moderating her, and she gives into her original urge, and steps out of the embrace. She can’t rely on JJ as a crutch in this, not when she’s going to have to let him down far too soon. 

“We’re together. We’ve been together since the third week of term. She’s not a threat, or a risk. I trust her. You guys can too.” John B says slowly. Sarah hasn’t moved, or spoken a word. Kie’s glad. It’s not her place to talk, right now. This is between the three of them and John B. 

Pope cuts in then, and Kie realises the boys have already heard this. That’s what the voices were, then, what the argument was. “Oh thank god for that. Thank god you found someone to trust, because you clearly couldn’t trust us.” Pope says, tone acerbic, a thin line of hurt running underneath his words. 

It relieves Kie, for a moment, to realise the anger, that is quickly shifting into hurt, isn’t hers alone. Pope’s feeling it too, and one quick glance at JJ’s tense expression tells him he’s not over the moon about this either. 

“Pope – I told you it’s not like that man- it’s not how you think.” John B attempts to defend himself, but the protestations sound weak to Kie. _Too little, too fucking late._

“Then how is it bro?” JJ pipes in for the first time, and Kie hardly recognises his voice. It’s measured and restrained, and so un-JJ that Kie has to take a look at his face to check it’s him. His face measures that thinly-held restraint, jaw tense, a crease shadowed between his eyebrows. Collectively, the three of them are a mess of hurt, and angry, and betrayed.

It’s awkward positioning – everyone standing, facing off against each other. The tension is too much – it’s as overwhelming as the heat in the room. Sarah can feel the sweat gathered at her hairline, and she’s not even sure whether to blame the heat or the stress. 

John B’s hand is firm in hers, and she can feel his pulse in his wrist, beating hard against her own. She doesn’t like confrontation, despite the fact she repeatedly finds herself in the middle of it, and she knows John B likes it even less than her. But they had agreed, that this needed to be done. So Sarah stands her ground, watching as it plays out. Holding her tongue.

If she’d felt nervous when Pope, followed by JJ had climbed in through the window, she’d felt outright fearful when Kie had arrived. A part of her had hoped she wouldn’t show, however naïve that was. It would have been so much easier if JJ and Pope had given her the news, second-hand. At least then, John B wouldn’t have to cop the brunt of her anger. At least then, she might have shot the messenger.

“It’s like- you have to understand guys. We didn’t know what this was when it began. So we didn’t tell anyone, because what did you want me to say? Like uh hey, every now and again Sarah and I hang out at like two in the morning? You guys wouldn’t have even cared!” John B says, his voice becoming less calming and more defensive. 

“You literally could have said that. It would have been that easy.” Kie cuts in, tone deadpan. Her hands keep flexing and unflexing at her sides. “Rather than letting us – than letting _me_ make an absolute fool of myself, concocting fucking conspiracy theories! You could have just stepped in and been like ‘oh hey by the way, you’re wrong. Here’s why…’ Instead of letting me go after Sarah!” Kie’s frustration is palpable, but Sarah thinks, perhaps, some of this anger is born from regret about this afternoon. Maybe. 

John B rolls his eyes in response to Kie, equally frustrated. “Well I didn’t, did I? I didn’t, and I’m sorry. But I was trying to protect me, and Sarah, and believe it or fucking not Kie, I was trying to protect you guys as well!”

“How?!” Pope cuts in, voice disbelieving. Sarah’s surprised at Pope’s response, if she’s honest. Out of everyone, she’d thought he would understand the most. But his usually logical, measured nature was entirely gone. He was hurt, and angry, just like the other too, expression dark and frustrated, eyes wide with indignant disbelief in the darkness.

“Because!” John B exclaims, and his voice is far too loud for an abandoned unit in the middle of the night. The others flinch, and it takes everything for Sarah not to flinch too. She can’t show that kind of weakness, not right now. “Because… do you guys not understand? Sarah and I could get expelled! At any minute, we could be expelled! How do you guys not get that? I was trying to make sure that if – when - that happened, there were no other casualties! I know it doesn’t fucking look like it, but I was trying to protect you guys- I was doing my best and I’m sorry, if for whatever fucking reason, my best wasn’t good enough.” He’d let go of Sarah’s hand in the midst of his outburst, gesturing in frustration as he tried to convey how he felt to the others. His voice was anguished, and desperate, and Sarah wanted to reach up and rub the frown off his forehead, but she stayed unmoving. 

The others are silent for a moment, and Sarah thinks they’re starting to see reason, starting see why John B did what he did. 

Kie lets out a soft _oh_ that seems to admit defeat.

“Wait why- why would you guys be expelled? It’s not an expulsion if you get caught dati- oh.” JJ puts it together as he speaks, and then, to Sarah’s surprise, he cracks a slow, mischievous smile. “So- that blanket…” He trails off. 

John B nods slowly, almost bashful, admitting to exactly what JJ’s implying. Kie’s eyes bug out of her head in realisation, before she muffles a laugh with her hand. JJ joins her, until they’re both in stitches, muffling their laughter as best they can, entirely doubled over. 

Pope, Sarah and John B all look on in utter confusion. 

“Well this took an odd turn.” Pope says mildly, and it seems to be enough – to diffuse the whole room. The tension bleeds out of the air, and Sarah finds her energy zapped, as she steps around to a bed and sits down, exhausted. The entire day’s events have been a little too much for her liking, if she’s honest. What she’d really like right now, is to curl up in John B’s arms, and go to sleep. It’s feeling unlikely, though. 

Kie and JJ slowly come out of themselves, and back to the conversation. John B moves to sit down next to her, and he places his hand on her knee, absentmindedly running his thumb over her skin. 

Sarah looks on as Kie sinks to the ground slowly, back against the unit wall. JJ joins her, shifting gradually until they’re sitting shoulder to shoulder, looking back at her and John B. It feels like an odd, tentative stalemate. Sarah’s nervous to break the peace, but she knows she can’t stay mute in all this. She has to make a few things right, too. 

“Kie?” She says carefully, and Kie lets out a light grunt of acknowledgement. It appears to be as good as she’s going to get this evening. “I meant what I said, you know. I know you didn’t believe me, probably don’t believe me now, either. But I’m with you guys, I’m on your side.” She says it gently, nervous for Kie’s reaction. But perhaps – perhaps Kie’s as tired of all of this as she is. Or perhaps the way JJ’s hand has found it’s up to rest on the back of her neck is keeping her mollified enough for her not to bite. Because she looks back at Sarah with a genuine expression of calm on her face. Like – like maybe they could be okay. Not now, not yet, but soon. 

“You better be.” She says, but her tone’s not malicious. “Because if we go down, we’re taking you with us, now. You’re a part of this.” It sounds like a threat, at its surface. But Sarah hears it for what she hopes it really is – an admission ticket. She’s a part of it now, a part of their group, even if it is only through her connection to John B. It’s enough, though. John B hears it too, and gives her knee a reassuring squeeze. 

“That sounds fair to me.” She answers lightly, solidifying the tentative truce. The white flag is enough, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May we have just semi-patched up Siarah C? Who knows... (I have no idea what Kielbasa's and Sarah's actual ship name is soooo I've made this one up. kinda hoping it catches on cos it's cute, yes? no? stop trying to make fetch happen? okay.) Anywaysss, female friendships for the win. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, now (almost) all of the secrets are out in the open!! How nice. 
> 
> Hit me with all your lovely lovely thoughts, or even if you just want to yell at me for my delay on posting, that's fine by me. Give me it all. I can take it, promise. 
> 
> As always, here's a few self-promotional links for you: [my Tumblr blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatjohnd) (message me any questions, comments, concerns, anything you'd like!) And the link to [reblog my fic post](https://thatjohnd.tumblr.com/post/623544422606454784/new-chapter-of-ignored-neglected-is-now), if you'd like to share the fact that I am the slowest updating fanfic author in the world. 
> 
> Additionally, [ buy me a coffee](https://ko-fi.com/thatjohnd)? The extra caffeine may speed up my writing capacities. (probably definitely)
> 
> Andddd I think that's all I have to say. 
> 
> So much love for every single one of you, can't wait to hear all your thoughts,  
> L xx


	14. Tired hearts still love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya loves, 
> 
> Here's another chapter!!!! A little JJ and Kie for you all because, I don't know about you guys, but they melt my heart. 
> 
> My apologies for the delay on the chapter posting this evening. My family held me hostage and forced me to play five hundred for five hours. There is yet to be a winner. 
> 
> I don't have a lot to say at the minute, except that I appreciate every single one of your comments and kudos, they keep me writing. and they keep me loving these characters. 
> 
> George - here's a night scene for you, because we both know they're the magic ones.  
> Alex - again. my apologies for the delay. five hundred. you know my family. you know they're terrors. you get it. 
> 
> Without further adieu, enjoy!  
> lots and lots of love and cuddles,  
> L xx

John B knows none of this is enough, not yet. Kie has offered some level of forgiveness – or, at least, a surrender. But he can tell, from the expressions of JJ and Pope, who is trying to hide in the shadow of the window frame, that everything’s not alright, not yet. It will be though, John B’s sure of it. They just need time. The worst, at least, is over, he’s fairly certain. And there’s a small part of him that’s revelling in being able to be with Sarah, in front of them. To hold her hand. To exchange these small touches - to not have to hide, like they have for so long. That small part seems to be trumping all the bad feelings, right in this moment. 

So he gives into it, tilting his head to press a self-indulgent kiss to the side of Sarah’s head. 

She smiles, small and hidden and just for him. It makes something ignite in his chest.

“JJ man, what are the chances you’ve got a joint on you?” John B asks on impulse, turning to look at him through the darkness of the unit. Kie and JJ are tucked into the dark shadows below one of the window sills. Without the light of the moon shining through the windows, it’s that much harder to see them, but John B’s fairly certain JJ’s got an arm around Kie. 

JJ’s bright smile, however, is clear in the darkness. “It wouldn’t be a night time adventure without one!” He proclaims, and Kie chuckles lowly, turning her face into his shoulder briefly, before seemingly catching herself. JJ reaches into a pocket, and holds up a joint proudly, grinning like a child at show and tell. John B supresses a smile. 

JJ pulls a lighter out as well, the flame flickering to life twice before the joint’s lit. He takes the first drag, slow and deep. The cherry glows bright in the darkness as he inhales, before handing it over to Kie. Kie takes it delicately, holding it for a beat before taking an equally long drag. She stands then, wandering slowly over to Pope, who takes it from her without a word. 

John B follows her movements back until she’s tucked against JJ’s side once more. He’s trying to piece something together… trying to work out how much everyone is supposed to know about the two of them – how much Kie thinks _he_ knows. 

He’s grateful when Pope holds the joint out to him, and he takes a heavy hit. The tension eases in his shoulders as he breathes in, and he turns slowly to Sarah. She leans in to shotgun him, inhaling the smoke out of his mouth slowly. She pulls back, her smile soft and wide, happy, as she exhales a slim trail of smoke. He passes it on to her, and she takes a proper drag before passing it back to Pope, who’s still standing there, watching them with an odd expression on his face, waiting to take the joint back to JJ. After exhaling again, Sarah tucks herself into John B’s side, and he wraps an arm around her, feeling her close against him, warm and steady and _there._

It’s an odd dance, the passing around of the joint, and they do it three more times before it burns out entirely, and JJ drops the stubbed-out roach through one of the loose floorboards. They could have all moved closer together, to make it easier to pass around, but the residual tension keeps them all where they are, still reading the room, wary, on guard. 

“You really just – didn’t think, did you man?” Pope asks, in the midst of the silence. His head is tipped back against the wooden window frame, and John B startles out of his thoughts when he realises; he’s talking to him. He glances over at him, throwing him a quizzical glance that he’s fairly certain Pope can’t even see. His silence seems to convey his confusion anyway. “Like – it wasn’t malicious, or you being a dick. You just – really didn’t fucking think how it would make us feel, did you?” Pope finishes his thought, and his voice isn’t angry, or accusatory. It sounds more – contemplative, like he’s forming a theory, and he just wants confirmation. 

John B nods slowly, finding words. “I mean- no. no, I didn’t. I really didn’t. I didn’t mean to hurt you guys, or scare you, or make you guys feel threatened – I just. I guess I was trying to handle everything alone – trying to play the safest game. And I realise now, man, that was probably a more dangerous game to play.” He admits. It’s the truth. When he really thinks about it, he was trying to carry everything on his own shoulders – Sarah’ fears, and safety. The Pogue’s concerns, and expectations… and if he had just said, right at the very beginning, that he needed their help to protect Sarah – he’s starting to realise they probably would have done it, no matter how they felt about her. 

JJ has been suspiciously quiet in all this – he was expecting… something, from him. He wasn’t naïve enough to think he’d get a congratulations or anything, but he was at least expecting a smartass comment, or just _something_ from JJ. The most he’d got was a half-formed joke about the fire blanket, that John B didn’t even really get. 

JJ’s silence was worrying him, but he had time to work that out. Eventually. 

“The thing is man, I can’t speak for these two,” Pope gestures towards the shadows where Kie and JJ are. “But I’m not mad, about you two. I’m really…not. I just – I would have liked if you’d trusted us enough to tell us, right at the beginning. If you hadn’t felt that it was something you had to keep from us.” The calm diplomacy in Pope’s tone invokes an odd kind of guilt, deep in John B’s stomach. Because – Pope has always understood. He’s always understood him, he’s never judged him, or held anything against him. John B had known this, and he still hadn’t told him about Sarah. John B is starting to realise he’s been taking his friends for granted for a little too long. 

“You’re right. You’re entirely right. I’m sorry.” The sincerity is clear in his voice. 

“Right. Enough of this. Let’s move the fuck on.” Kie says, with enough of a slight attitude that John B’s not certain she really is moving on, but he sure hopes she is. “So, Sarah, are you coming on our hike adventure or what?” 

“An adventure?” Sarah says, mischief in her voice. “Count me in.” 

John B thinks, briefly, of all the reasons he’s ever wanted to kiss her. 

It surprises JJ, how easily they all fall into light-hearted conversation, with Sarah joining in with a witty comment every now and again. It’s easy to forget the tension – every odd event that had led them here. JJ wants to – he isn’t one for rage, unused to the weight he felt in his shoulders, across his back from it. 

They’re all spread out, limbs heavy with pot, minds slow but lucid. John B and Sarah have curled up together on one of the bed frames, and JJ can see the blue of the fire blanket, draped over their entangled forms. He bites at his lip to catch the smile – the amusement of Kie and his in-joke making his heart feel lighter. He nudges Kie gently, who has her head tipped back, and is staring directly up into the blackness of the ceiling. She looks spaced – like she’s thinking about something entirely separate from the world in front of her. When she pulls her focus back to him, he sees a softness cross her face. It’s a brief moment where her guard is down. Her expression shifts quickly to a quizzical one, and he just juts his chin towards Sarah and John B. When Kie follows his line of sight, her lips split wide into a smile, and in the darkness she reaches a hand out to find his. She tangles her fingers with the hand he has resting over her shoulder, pulling him that little bit closer. 

She glances around the room again, taking stock, and JJ follows her gaze.

Pope has fallen asleep, somehow, curled into the nook of the windowsill. Pot always does make him sleepy, JJ thinks fondly. Sarah and John B are curled so tight JJ couldn’t separate which limb belonged to who if his life depended on it, but he was fairly certain John B was still awake, still propped against the headboard of the bed, a hand shifting repeatedly, absentmindedly, to run through Sarah’s hair. 

It felt, fleetingly, like that afternoon. Like the darkness of the unit is allowing them to be alone again. JJ knows Kie feels it too, because it’s then she shifts, until her body is entirely against his, and she’s tucking her face into his neck. 

“I want to sleep.” She murmurs, quietly, and as if to enforce her request, she muffles a yawn into the fabric of his t-shirt that stretches across his shoulder. He smiles, dropping a kiss to her curls without even thinking. 

“Sleep then.” He murmurs. “I’ve got you.” It feels like a bare minimum sentence, sitting there on the wooden floorboards, back propped against the splintering wood of the wall below the window. He wants to be able to offer Kie so much more than his chest as a pillow. But this is it – for now. Kie doesn’t seem to mind though. Instead, she presses a kiss to his jaw, before shifting to find a comfortable position. 

She ends up nearly curled around him, one leg thrown over his hips, arms linked around his torso, her face buried in his shoulder. The feeling of her hair tickling his cheek is quickly becoming his favourite feeling. He loops his arm around her shoulders, holding her ever closer as he feels her breaths steady. 

It doesn’t take her long to fall asleep, and then it is just JJ, awake and a little high, and alone with his thoughts. 

His mind keeps trailing back to John B. With Kie wrapped around him, John B is the only thing that doesn’t seem quite right. 

It isn’t that he expected John B to tell him everything, always. But- he thought John B believed he was safe, and trustworthy. Beneath it all, JJ quietly admits to himself that he thought John B believed he was worth the risk – that their friendship, and everything that came with it, was worth the risk. That JJ, and his reckless nature, was worth the risk. 

But he is starting to realise, in a worst nightmare kind of way, that even those closest to him, recognise him for what he is, really; a risk. A danger – a path that is only to be wandered down with extreme caution, and a rock-solid escape plan. He doesn’t want to make it personal, so much of him wants to check his ego at the door – to realise that perhaps this is nothing to do with him, and everything to do with Sarah and John B. And yet – a small voice keeps whispering to him _They all know. They all know – you’re not worth the risk. All your recklessness outweighs your good._ He subconsciously tightens his grip on Kie, smoothing his hand over her shoulder, reminding himself. _Not Kie, though. She doesn’t think that. She thinks I’m good. She thinks I’m worth it._ and that reassurance would be enough, if it weren’t for the voice that comes after _She only thinks that because she doesn’t know any better. Not yet…_

“JJ?” The voice is soft, and it takes JJ a minute to break out of his own mind, to realise someone’s addressing him. John B’s addressing him. 

“Yeah man?” He asks quietly, careful to keep the rise and fall of his chest steady, to not disturb Kie. He glances down, but her face remains softened in sleep. 

“Are we- are we good?” John B’s voice floats through the darkness, and JJ can only just see the concern in his expression – the shadows gathered below his jaw, and along his forehead, make him look tense. 

JJ pauses, because – he doesn’t know what to say, really. He wants to agree, to brush it all off. But he can’t bring himself to do that. “Why’d you do it man? Why’d- why didn’t you tell me? Why couldn’t you trust me?” He knows he’s poking around for answers he won’t like. But he can’t seem to help it. His wounds have always been designed for rubbing salt in. 

John B’s silent for a moment. JJ counts Kie’s breaths in the pause. Seven breaths. “You know, I keep asking myself that. I don’t really have an answer.” John B’s voice is authentic, and slightly absent. Pot tends to have that effect on him, removes him from the world in front of him. “All I know is that Sarah needed me to. She needed me to protect her – to keep our secret. And I- I couldn’t let her down, man. I just- I promised her I’d look after her. I couldn’t see past that, I’m sorry.” It’s raw, so fucking raw that JJ feels the emotion in his own throat. 

It comes together for him, then, in a way he’s been waiting for. His mind has tried every which way, to understand. But it’s like John B has just offered him the missing piece. 

_John B’s hands, slipping away from Sarah’s waist, like they were leaving their home. John B, pressing that kiss to Sarah’s hair, like it was second nature. John B, racing around the corner, because it was_ Sarah’s _voice. John B twisting, on instinct, to block Kie’s blows against Sarah._ It all – it all feels so incredibly real JJ can’t understand how they’d hidden it so long, really. 

“You- you love her.” JJ says, and it’s not a question. He sees John B glance down, briefly, to the girl fast asleep on his chest. JJ doesn’t miss the way his lip quirks up, despite the gloom. 

“How’d you know?” Is all John B asks. There’s a part of the question that’s sarcastic, that’s a ‘well-yeah-obviously’, but the second, underlying tone, is genuinely curious. _How could JJ, of all people, have the emotional intelligence to see what other’s - even Pope – hadn’t?_ John B’s eyes gaze steadily at him in the darkness. 

He’s emboldened by the feeling of Kie in his arms, how her skin feels against his, the way she’s letting out soft, steady puffs of air against his collarbone as she breathes. “I know the feeling, I guess.” JJ admits quietly. 

John B doesn’t say anything to that, but he thinks he can detect a look of sympathy in his expression when JJ next musters up the courage to look at him. He’s not sure what to do with it. 

John B glances over to Pope, and then back to JJ. “So- a fresh secret, then? Out with the old, in with the new?” He asks. All traces of sympathy are gone, instead replaced by a mild expression, amused, almost. 

“Yeah. Just, for now. Till we find our feet, okay? Not for long.” He’s quick to hide his hypocrisy, to convince John B it’s not the same as what John B did - this thing with Kie and him is somehow different - it’s not lying.

John B nods, humouring him. 

He knows, in the pit of his stomach, that it’s not true. He ignores the niggling, though, and instead, he rests his lips against Kie’s curls. 

He’s wondering if Kie asked him to – would he keep them a secret? Would he have not told anyone, not even John B? In the end, JJ comes back to the one conclusion. He can’t blame John B. It’s exactly what he would have done, too. 

JJ looks around, briefly, before shifting slightly to get comfortable, careful not to disturb Kie. It’s quiet, in the room. All six of them finding some kind of rest in the darkness of the moonless night. How long it has been, since any of them have slept the night through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo what did we think? JJ in love is my personal favourite.. soft and sweet and oh so cuddleable (not a word. oh well.)
> 
> There's always gotta be secrets at boarding school, right? It's what makes the world go around. 
> 
> As always, please feed the monster with comments, kudos, general love and affection, and also. chocolate. if you have any available. thanks. 
> 
> Here's a few self-promotional links for you: [my Tumblr blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatjohnd) (message me any questions, comments, concerns, anything you'd like!) And the link to [reblog my fic post](https://thatjohnd.tumblr.com/post/623544422606454784/new-chapter-of-ignored-neglected-is-now), just in case you would like to share River's College with others. Which, I mean, why wouldn't you??? 
> 
> A hella lot of love,  
> L xx


	15. How do we stop being unlovable? How do we start being lovable?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya loves, 
> 
> Today I alarmingly realised I have 16 chapters of this fic written. And I haven't even reached the actual plot yet. Buckle up, it's gonna be a long but hopefully enjoyable ride. God knows how many chapters this fic will end up being. 
> 
> As always, I adore adore adore all your comments, kudos, anon messages, direct messages, reblog, love letters, marriage proposals etc. They make me so happy. Also hi and welcome to the couple of new readers that showed up last chapter, welcome to this hellish journey. Glad you made it. 
> 
> Alex - Hope you've had two more moscato's and are ready to get your heart broken. Sorry. Feel free to continue to drink the pain away. 
> 
> George - Night scenes babyyyyy. Also angst. the lethal combo you taught me. 
> 
> That's all from me,  
> Lots of love,  
> L xx

It’s quiet, when Kie wakes with a start. Realising where she is, she blinks her eyes open in the inky blackness. The stars are still bright outside the window, whilst the entire unit is in shadows. It can’t be past three in the morning.

The warmth around her is different to the damp humidity that usually envelopes the units – this is soft, and human. She tilts her head back slowly, registering JJ’s face in the dark – it’s soft, and innocent, and she can’t help thinking how at ease he looks – like nothing’s ever harmed him. Like nothing could ever harm him. 

_Like nothing could ever harm him._

Kie’s sliding out of his grip before she registers what she’s doing. Before she really _understands_ what she’s feeling, she’s climbing out the window, feet kicking up a small storm of dust as they hit the red dirt on the ground. 

She runs. 

In seconds - minutes, she finds herself on top of the chapel roof, staring down at the whole of the campus hidden in the silky darkness. She can hardly make out anything, so she tips her head to the stars instead, searching in vain for the moon before she remembers it’s not there.

She needs a moment to think. Breathe. 

Because – _god_. Everything has moved so quickly and _god_ – for the first time Kie’s feeling her tiredness, really, seeping into her bones, finding its way to the base of her skull, to the shiver in her fingertips. She’s had too many nights of interrupted sleep, and it’s all catching up with her in a mess of panic, and nausea and- fear. 

Fear for her. And for JJ. Because- oh _god_. What they did, what they are. How they feel about each other. It’s all going to get them into far, far too much trouble. And Kie can’t be the reason for that, not when she’s spent so long protecting him from others – she can’t be the reason he falls. She can’t, and she won’t. 

But – to stop him from falling. To stop her from being the reason he falls. She’s going to have to hurt him. She knows that, in the pit of her stomach, in that hollowed out numbness that was sitting there, through all of the night – through every time JJ reached for her, and she let him. She shouldn’t have let him. She wishes she’d had the strength then to- push him away, to really shrug him off. But her anger with John B- the pot floating through her mind. She didn’t want to turn away from his comfort, his touch, him. She had been weak. 

She’d had to get out of the unit, the moment she’d woke- it was too claustrophobic, too closed in on all sides. Those dusty floorboards, the empty beds, JJ’s arms around her. Waking there, she had only been reliving that afternoon – seeing it all, again, and again, and again. 

And right now, she can’t do that. Because she is trying to pack the moment up, tuck it away. Pretend it hadn’t meant as much as it did.

Kie stays sitting, crouched on the tin roof - the cold of it a welcome contrast to the oppressive heat of the night. Her knees are tucked to her chest, and she moves her gaze away from the stars, letting her head rest on her knees. What an odd feeling- hiding from the world, here, yet entirely exposed to the silence of the night. Hidden in plain sight. 

She’s not sure how long she sits, curled there. The stars drift overhead. 

But she should have known, that JJ would find her here, when he woke to find his arms empty. 

She knows - she knows it’s him. That he’s used the chapels’ outside pews as a boost, just as she had in her panic, and climbed up onto the angular tin roof. She feels the tremor of the tin, and it shakes her mind out of its delirious drifting, but she doesn’t turn. Whether it’s because she can’t face him, or because she wants one more precious moment of silence, she’s not sure. But she should have known- she did know, he’d find her here. Because, somehow, she knows he’ll find her anywhere. 

“Hi.” He says softly. Kie never thought a voice could carry actual, real fondness. But his does. It’s soft and trying not to startle her, but there’s a depth to it Kie is only just noticing. 

She turns then, tearing her eyes away from the shadows of the buildings in front of her. She looks up at him as he walks carefully down the slope of the roof, perching next to her and dangling his legs off the edge. His eyes are puffy, swollen with barely shaken sleep. He’d come here on autopilot, barely awake, chasing her. It doesn’t make her feel okay.

“Hey.” She answers, and it horrifies her to hear that same fondness replicated in her own voice. 

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asks softly, and Kie nods her assent. _Something like that._ “I was erm- surprised. When I woke up and you weren’t there.” He says it off-handedly, like he doesn’t really mind. 

“Yeah, sorry. I- I don’t know. I just needed some air.” 

“Well – you won’t find any this side of the mountain range.” JJ comments, and she smiles, a low-level amusement playing across her face, because he’s right. Even now, in the midst of the night, breathing the air feels like drinking water, the humidity so thick it sticks in her throat, fills up her lungs. 

They fall quiet for a moment, and JJ slips closer, until his shoulder’s pressing against hers. She should move away, but it would be too obvious – too harsh of a rejection. 

“Why did you need air?” JJ asks, and this time Kie laughs aloud, and it’s only a little bitter. 

“You want me to name just one thing?” She asks, her tone filled with humour. JJ smiles at that too, inclining his head towards her. 

“Touché.” He concedes. He’s looking right at her, steady and soft, and Kie feels the tension thicken between them – JJ’s looking at her with intent now. It’s so different to how he was looking at her a moment ago, the same way he always used to look at her. Like a friend. 

But now – something in JJ’s gaze sends a little electricity up her spine. 

He leans in slowly, eyes flickering to hers, for a yes, for assurance that this is what she wants. Careful, and considerate – a direct contrast to the JJ she’s always thought she knew. 

She presses in, of her own accord. She kisses him. Because – this has to end. But perhaps – not right now. Not in this exact moment. 

It’s slow and languid, because they have – so much time. Because the sun’s not going to rise for hours and hours. That’s what she tells herself. 

He lets his hand wander, cupping her cheek, brushing the hair away from her face. And with every inch that he shifts closer to her, with every moment that brings her closer and closer to him, she feels the panic in her rise. 

She presses her palm to his chest, gentle but firm. Her hand only shakes a little. JJ pulls back, a questioning look in his eyes, mouth slightly parted. 

“JJ.” She begins, and her voice is already loaded with apologies. He frowns, face falling almost imperceptibly, but his hand reaches up to grasp at the one Kie has against his chest. 

“Don’t, Kie. Don’t do it.” He says, low and desperate, and he’s looking at her with eyes she doesn’t know how to say no to. 

“JJ.” She repeats. “I’m sorry. I’m so – I’m so sorry. I want to- you know I do-”

“So then what’s the problem Kie? I don’t- I don’t get it. If you want to, and I want to, then nothing else matters, right?” He sounds pained, and his grip on her hand tightens. Kie squeezes back. 

“JJ.” Her tone’s sad. She can’t find any other way to say what she’s saying. 

“No Kie- come on. We’d be good together – we _are_ good together… just… give us time, a chance, Kie, please?” JJ’s words are rushed, and he raises his other hand, to grasp onto her, as if he can hold her there and she’ll never leave. Never stand up on this tin roof and walk away from him. 

“It’s not going to work JJ. I’m sorry. There’s- it’s reckless. Everything about us is reckless, and you know that! We’ve got- there’s too much at stake, for both of us, for this sort of recklessness to bring us down, it’s not… it’s just-” Kie can’t find the right words. She’s always been good at finding the words, but the way JJ’s looking at her, the way his face went from anguished to angry so quickly – it makes Kie’s throat close over. 

“It’s not worth it, right? Not worth the risk. Too reckless – someone’s going to get hurt. Gotta protect yourself, hey Kie?” He asks, and his voice is so much colder than it was a moment ago – there’s something in his eyes, that she can’t place. Regret? No. But something close to it. 

“And you…” She adds gently, willing him not to be angry with her, willing him to understand _I’ve got to protect you, too. We won’t last. I couldn’t bear not lasting with you._. 

“Yeah-” JJ gives a wry chuckle that’s too loud for the night’s stillness. “Yeah, of course. Gotta protect me, too. Gotta protect all of us, right? Gotta protect your reputation – your friendship with the others. Gotta do all these things… and there’s no room for me. I kind of- I dunno, Kie. I kind of already knew that. There never is any room, is there?” It’s like he’s speaking to himself now, and he’s dropped his grasp on her completely. Instead, he’s running his hand through his tousled blonde hair, his eyes shining… Kie thinks he might be close to crying. She thinks _she_ might be close to crying, too. 

“JJ. No-” She begins, but it’s too late. He’s on his feet now, slanted at an angle to keep his balance on the roof. Kie cranes her neck back to see his face. She wishes she hadn’t. It’s a little bit broken.

“Kie… my whole life people have been ashamed of me – and they’ve let it stop them from loving me. So forgive me, if I’m not going to stand here and beg you to recognise me. To see my worth.”

She makes a sound in the back of her throat – she doesn’t know what it was the beginning of. An apology, maybe. An _I take it all back_ perhaps. Whatever it was, the words don’t reach the night air. They stay wedged in her throat because she’s a coward. And JJ knows it. She loves him, and she’s too much of a coward to risk losing him. 

She watches him turn, walking back over the roof before dropping over the side, his shadow sinking out of view. 

Kie sits there until the sun comes up. Until her skin is damp with a fresh kind of heat, and her thighs are stuck to tin where they rest against the roof. 

Her mind hasn’t stopped watching JJ leave – over and over and over again. How he just disappeared into the night. She can’t think about it, not for one more second. She’s breaking her own heart. But she’d had to do it, she had to. For her. For JJ. She knows that. _Right?_

By the time the sun has fully risen, and the whole of the campus is baking in fresh rays, Kie feels like putting it all behind her. Like hiding her cowardice, and her hurt, and baring her teeth instead. 

Pope wakes to the hazy grey of dawn spreading through the abandoned dorm. The sun isn’t yet up, and the sky is just turning that dirty purple, shifting out of its night time attire. 

He squints, rubbing at his sleep filled eyes, searching for the other bodies in the room. Sarah and John B are still curled where he’d last seen them, tucked in and around each other on the slats of one of the beds. Somehow, they look comfortable. Pope couldn’t help but feel something burn in his chest – something like jealousy, or anger, he’s not sure. 

He knows it’s something he wants - something like that, someone to sleep next to, even in this fucked up school, where that would have him ready for expulsion. He just – wants love. But he’s clinical, and girls just don’t seem to… see him that way. Except… Pope glances over, searching for Kiara. 

He expects to find her, slumped next to JJ, asleep too. But there’s no one there. Both of them are gone, and Pope feels that same flare in his chest he’d felt looking at Sarah and John B, except worse – because he recalls how they’d looked, nights ago, curled up on the bed together… the way Kie had her head on JJ’s chest. He knows they’re just friends, and that JJ just isn’t Kie’s type. JJ’s got too much fire – too much recklessness. And Kie – Kie has enough fire of her own. She doesn’t need anyone else’s help igniting. But it doesn’t mean Pope can overlook the small intimacies between the two – the small moments that make his heart tug forward, towards Kie. 

He feels that tug, as he realises they must be together right now. Wreaking havoc, probably, or maybe they each went back to their own beds. He’s not sure. All he knows is all that’s left of their presence here is an outline in the dust of the floorboards. 

Glancing at his watch, he has to angle it slightly until it’s in enough light for him to read the face. Most of the students have digital watches where the faces can light up, so they can check the time in the dead of the night. Pope’s watch is analog though, a caramel band that wraps around the dark skin of his wrist – his father’s, given to him on his first day here, just before his father had turned, climbed into the car, and left him to this insanity. 

He likes wearing it. It reminds him this place isn’t the whole world – even when it feels that way sometimes. 

After checking the time, he rises slowly from the window frame, stretching out his stiff limbs, feeling one knee pop as he unbends it from its cramped sleeping position. 

He pads slowly across the room, in no real rush to wake the sleeping couple. 

Up close, he can see the way Sarah’s head is tucked under John B’s chin, both his arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders – defensive, even in sleep. 

Pope reaches out and gently shakes John B’s shoulder. John B starts awake, his whole body tensing before he recognises Pope’s face in front of him. Sarah stirs at John B’s movements, attempting to tuck her face further into John B’s collarbone. 

“Woah man – just me. It’s just time to get back – dets will be starting soon, we don’t wanna be caught out of bed.” Pope says, his voice low and heavy with sleep still. 

John B just nods, blinking slowly. 

Pope steps away as soon as he knows John B’s understood him. He feels awkward with the two of them – truthfully he has no idea how to interact with Sarah. He’s not even sure he’s ever really spoken to her before, and it’s too early for him to grapple with the idea of interacting with the two of them as an actual _couple._ So instead, he walks over to the window and glances out, checking the campus for any signs of life.

He’s almost hoping to spot Kie and JJ outside – perhaps they are just outside the unit, getting some air. 

But the campus is entirely still, even the gumtrees are unmoving this morning.

“Shall we?” Sarah asks timidly from behind him, and he turns to see her and John B, standing side by side. They both still look heavy with sleep, and Sarah has her left hand wound around John B’s, whose hair is sticking up at odd angles. 

“Uh- yeah, let’s go. Do you guys have a det too?” Pope asks, stepping back to allow for Sarah to climb out the window first. John B helps her, gripping her hands and allowing her to lower herself carefully to the ground. 

Pope hadn’t even bothered to check the det board yesterday, he was so certain they were all on it. He’s fairly certain they’ll be on it for the next week straight as a bare minimum, considering the amount of classes they’ve collectively missed in the past two days. He can’t help but wonder how many dets they have to get before the teachers will introduce stronger methods of reprimanding – like tentings, or internal suspensions. 

John B stands back up before nodding. “Yeah, me and Sarah both have one – today and tomorrow I think.” He says this before ducking out the window himself and hitting the ground with a thud. 

Pope follows suit, and the jolt of hitting the ground is an entirely unwelcome shock to his sleepy system. The sun is now just coming up, throwing its light against the mountain. Pope has to half close his eyes against the brightness he wasn’t prepared for. Turning around, he jumps up, clasping the window latch to pull it down with a light bang, to cover any of their tracks.

“Okay well, I’ll see you in like, twenty minutes, yeah?’ Sarah asks, and it surprises Pope to realise she’s addressing them both, as her eyes shift between the two of them as she speaks. 

“Yep.” John B answers for him, popping the P with a rueful smile. “We’ll see you soon – just gotta round up JJ and throw on some running shoes.”

“Oh yeah.” Sarah says, like it’s the first time she’s realising JJ’s absence. “I just assumed he and Kie were like… getting it on somewhere.” She says it so lightly that Pope frowns, looking towards John B to correct her. John B doesn’t say anything though, just shrugs awkwardly, and before Pope can find the words to say _No – wrong, Kie wouldn’t-…_ , Sarah’s pressing a kiss to John B’s mouth and turning, disappearing around the corner of the unit, heading back to her dorm.

Pope's left with objections on his tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooh. Poor JJ. Poor Kie. Silly, silly teenagers who can't sort their shit out to save their lives. Hopeless, truly. 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts, your hurts, your everythings. Sorry for busting up Jiara, please don't hate me. It will all make sense with time. 
> 
> Please keep the kudos comments love and general affection coming please. I know I haven't responded to the last two chapters' comments, but I will! Promise! No comment goes unanswered, ever. Because I adore and value every single one of them. 
> 
> God. I would make the world's worst influencer. Please click on these links if you wanna. No biggie if you don't wanna. [My Tumblr blog](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thatjohnd) (message me any questions, comments, concerns, anything you'd like!) andddd if you want you can [reblog my fic post](https://thatjohnd.tumblr.com/post/627512715492065280/new-chapter-of-ignored-neglected-is-now) cos pretty pictures. Also cos then some of your friends might read it. and then you can chat to them about it as well, which is fun. Told you, I would be a terrible influencer. Sooo enough of that. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter and have a lovely week, and I'll talk to you soon. 
> 
> Byeeeeeeee,  
> L xx


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